Redefining Success: Lessons from Losing Seasons

For much of my life, I believed that success was synonymous with winning. As a high school athlete, I thrived in multiple sports, earning a full-ride scholarship to play basketball at a Division I school. I was accustomed to leading my teams to victory through hard work and determination. Even in college, when I transitioned from being a standout player to a role player, I remained part of winning teams. In my mind, effort always led to triumph. However, an experience over a decade ago transformed how I defined success and taught me invaluable lessons that continue to guide me today.

More than ten years ago, I took on the challenge of coaching a high school girls’ basketball team. I was excited to share my love for the game and give back to the next generation of players. Despite losing many seniors the year before, my amazing coaching staff and I were confident that we could achieve success with the right mindset and dedication. My high school mantra of “attitude makes the difference” flashed over and over in my head as I prepared to introduce myself to the girls. However, reality set in quickly. The young team had not been brought up through border leagues or travel teams, and the previous coach had not planned for the future, mainly playing the more experienced seniors. The current team lacked the fundamentals and the ability to instinctively play the game.

As a coaching staff, we spent a lot of time working on the basics, trying to instill the skills they hadn’t yet developed. We focused on drills, footwork, basic shooting form, passing, and even the mental aspects of the game that more experienced players might take for granted. Although our record didn’t show it, we were creating a culture, and we could see the confidence and skill increasing in the girls. We knew this wasn’t just about the games themselves but about teaching the girls how to do hard things, how to persevere, and how to work together as a team.

In addition to coaching the high school team, we realized that if we wanted to build a successful program, we needed to start earlier. Together, we created teams for 6th, 7th, and 8th-grade girls to build a pipeline of talent and instill those fundamentals from an earlier age. It wasn’t just about getting the older girls ready for the next game but about setting a foundation for the future. We knew that success wouldn’t happen overnight, but we believed in what we were building.

We implemented team-building and trust exercises to help forge strong relationships among the players, knowing that trust and connection were crucial for success. Despite the challenges, the bonds we created as a team were powerful. After the losses, we often walked into the locker room to find the girls in tears or releasing anger, frustrated that their hard work was not rewarded with a win. As their coaches, we put on our best face, encouraging them to keep pushing, even though, deep down, we were feeling those same emotions. I often found myself at home in the evenings, reflecting on the day’s game, feeling just as heartbroken as the girls, wondering what more we could do to change the result. We were working so hard, seeing clear progress, and still, the wins didn’t come.

Our first season ended with a record of 0 and 20, and we finished the second season with a record of 1 and 21. My overall coaching record stood at 1 and 42. For someone who had always been accustomed to winning, this was a humbling and eye-opening experience. I will never forget the night we lost by 62 points to another school in the conference. I was beyond angry at the other coach for running up the score, humiliated for my girls, and yet immensely proud that they continued to push forward. It was that night I realized I was still focusing too much on immediate results—wins and losses. From that moment on, I promised myself I would intentionally celebrate the little victories. I committed to remembering how far we had come and to embracing a broader perspective for success. I began to see that our team was flourishing in many ways, even if the win column wasn’t reflecting it.

From a young age, I had always been fascinated by human flourishing, even if I couldn’t fully articulate it at the time. Growing up in a small town, I was competitive and confident, embracing the belief that “a rising tide lifts all boats.” Although I thrived in competition, I also had a strong sense of “team” and understood that we are better when we work together—whether with family, teammates, or colleagues. These early beliefs influenced my approach to coaching and leadership. As I moved through my career and into research, I continued to witness the power of connection, especially during times of struggle. As my personal and professional experiences deepened, particularly through my doctoral studies, I began to view those losing seasons through new lenses: a spirit of abundance, lifelong learning, and profound living. These concepts shifted my perspective and allowed me to reframe those challenging years as periods of growth and development.

Through my doctoral studies, I saw how lifelong learning and identity development are ongoing processes of formation, deformation, and transformation. Kroth et al. (2022) describe lifelong learning as “a process of continuous formation” (p. 27) involving growth and reflection cycles. This framework helped me understand that my coaching experience, though challenging, was part of a larger journey of personal and professional development. I wasn’t just coaching a team; I was evolving as a leader and as an individual.

One of the most transformative concepts I encountered during my studies was Stephen Covey’s abundance mentality (2020), which suggests that individuals with an abundance mindset seek mutual benefit and cooperation in all human interactions. In my own research, I expanded on this idea, determining that a spirit of abundance involves “expressing gratitude, displaying warm and caring affection, engaging in acts of kindness and generosity, finding joy in life, maintaining optimism, embracing a sense of enough, and pursuing life goals with self-assurance, determination, balance, and intention.” Looking back, I realized that during those coaching seasons, we had been stuck in a scarcity mindset—focused on what we lacked in terms of wins and success. Learning to live with a spirit of abundance allowed us to view those years as moments of growth, rather than failure.

I realize that those seasons—though incredibly challenging—laid the foundation for the team’s future success. Together, my assistant coaches and I created an environment where the girls could grow as players and as individuals. Sadly, after two seasons, my career and family commitments forced me to step away from coaching despite knowing the team was on the brink of success. The year after I left coaching, the team went on to win over half of their games and reached the play-in game for the state tournament. I was invited back to celebrate with them after they defeated the school who had beaten us by 62 previously. The joy and pride in that locker room went far beyond the scoreboard. It was about the foundation we had built together and a powerful reminder that success isn’t always immediate. Sometimes, seeing the results of all the muscle-aching, sweat-dripping hours of hard work takes time. Even today, when I see these girls, the bonds we formed during those seasons are still there, and it reminds me that those connections were one of the greatest victories of all.

In my current role as Dean of Students and Assistant Vice President for Student Affairs, I often see students grappling with a similar scarcity mentality, particularly when they face challenges. Many isolate themselves, unaware of the support available to them until their problems feel overwhelming. This mirrors some of what we experienced as coaches—focusing too much on immediate results and missing the progress happening along the way. I have since become passionate about exploring how a spirit of abundance can positively influence students' mental health and well-being, helping them thrive instead of merely survive.

I have also discovered that you need to understand the bigger picture to be a successful team member—whether in sports or the workplace. You must be honest with yourself and others, confident in your strengths, and willing to acknowledge the strengths of those around you. Success doesn’t always come in the form of victories but is found in the resilience, growth, and connections that develop along the way. I have seen this truth repeatedly throughout my career, whether working with students, athletes, or colleagues. In each of my roles, I have witnessed how interconnected we are and how essential it is to lean on each other during difficult times.

Looking back on those coaching seasons, I now see that the true measure of success wasn’t reflected in the win-loss column. Instead, success was in the perseverance, growth, and lessons I and my players learned. We were part of a larger process of transformation that continues to shape me today. This understanding has also influenced my research and approach while working with students. I am particularly interested in how a spirit of abundance may be a proactive tool for improving mental health—a potential remedy to the isolation and scarcity thinking I often see.

My journey has shown me that success is not about immediate outcomes, accolades, or victories. It is about growth, resilience, and helping others thrive, even when the results aren’t instantaneous. By embracing a spirit of abundance, we can succeed even in the most challenging moments—and, more importantly, help those around us do the same. This more positive, connected approach to life and leadership is what I carry with me, both in my personal life and in my professional work.

Ali Threet | Professional Speaker in Higher Education | Email: [email protected]