Redefining Success: Beyond Wealth, Status, and Recognition
When I ask what “success” means, what pops into your mind? Is it an expensive car or a large house? Is it an image of you before a podium, speaking to thousands of people in the stands? Or is it a building with your name in big, shiny letters? Success is a concept that is as diverse and multifaceted as the people who seek it. While society often equates success with wealth, power, and prestige, true success encompasses much more than material achievements. It is deeply personal and can vary greatly from one individual to another. Understanding what success means to you personally is crucial in guiding your efforts and ensuring a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Winston Churchill famously stated, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” Albert Einstein remarked, “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” And Maya Angelou commented, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” These perspectives underscore that success is subjective and deeply personal, highlighting the importance of defining and pursuing your unique vision of a successful life. Benjamin Franklin's words, “Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning,” remind us that success is also about personal growth and continuous improvement, not just end goals or external validation.
The Conventional View of Success
Traditionally, success has been measured by the following three common external markers:
These markers are often seen as the fruits of a successful life. People who have achieved this trifecta of accomplishment are deemed to have reached the pinnacle of success. Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with having money in the bank or running a global corporation and being recognized as?the?authority in your field. These elements can contribute to a sense of achievement. However, how often have we heard of the famous actor who spiraled at the peak of her success or the musician who abruptly walked away from his band? We have seen or heard of many instances where those who appeared to have it all – the money, the status, the recognition – walk away from it or life altogether. This behavior often leaves us stunned, wondering why someone who appears to have been blessed would give it up. The answer is that while wealth, status, and recognition may be the recipe for success for some, they do not necessarily guarantee happiness or fulfillment for all.
The Wealth Trap: Why More Money Doesn't Always Mean More Happiness
Accumulating wealth and luxury possessions can provide comfort, security, and access to various opportunities and experiences. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the official poverty rate in the United States was 11.5 percent in 2022, with 37.9 million people in poverty. Further, living above the poverty line does not necessarily mean living a comfortable life. With challenges such as the high cost of housing, food, and college tuition for children, it takes more than just exceeding the poverty line to feel comfortable and stress-free when it comes to money. However, once the essential needs have been met, wealth stops being a good predictor of guaranteed happiness.
Diminishing Returns
After a certain point, the additional happiness gained from more wealth decreases. If you asked some of the world’s wealthiest billionaires how much more successful, happy, or satisfied they felt from earning their latest billion, they would probably say that the latest billion had a nominal to no effect. Basic needs and a certain level of comfort can significantly improve well-being, but beyond that, more money does not necessarily translate to increased happiness.
?In the 1980 movie Caddyshack (one of the best movies of all time, by the way!), two millionaires are playing a round of golf. Judge Smails, the traditional millionaire, played by Ted Knight, asks the enlightened millionaire, Ty Webb, played by Chevy Chase, how he measures his success against other golfers. “By height,” Webb responds. At a certain point, traditional measures of success may no longer be applicable. In the case of wealth, once there is enough money, no greater amount of wealth will provide incremental satisfaction. What that point of diminishing returns is will vary from person to person. But there will be a point for every person where chasing the next dollar will no longer provide the satisfaction that was provided by the last dollar.
Stress and Responsibility
Managing wealth can come with increased stress, responsibility, and pressure to maintain or grow assets. I know what you’ll say, “but that’s the kind of stress I can deal with.” And I get it. As we move up the economic success curve, from poverty to maintenance to abundance, we are fine with the additional burdens created by our focus on chasing wealth. However, once we achieve a certain level of wealth, we may find that rather than liberate ourselves, a large amount of wealth can become the source of tremendous stress and distraction that can detract from overall happiness and life satisfaction.
The Roman philosopher Seneca (c. 4 BC – AD 65) was credited with saying, “It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.” This quote refers to someone constantly driven by desire, never satisfied with what they have. Even if they are wealthy in material terms, their endless craving for more makes them poor because they live in dissatisfaction and emotional neediness. A person who cannot find satisfaction in having achieved enough wealth can never feel satisfied and as such, can never achieve success in her mind.
Materialism
Focusing excessively on material possessions can lead to a shallow and unfulfilling life. It reminds me of the story of the miser and his gold.
Once upon a time, there was a miser who sold all his possessions to buy a lump of gold, which he buried in a secret location. Every day, he would go to the spot, dig up the gold, and admire it. Though he never used the gold for anything, seeing it comforted him.
One day, a thief followed the miser and watched him as he admired his treasure. After the miser left, the thief dug up the gold and stole it. When the miser returned and found the gold gone, he was devastated and began to cry uncontrollably.
A neighbor, noticing his despair, asked why he was so upset. The miser explained how he had lost his lump of gold. The neighbor then asked, "Did you ever use the gold?" The miser shook his head and said, "No, I only looked at it."
The neighbor replied, "Then why are you so upset? Just go and bury a stone in its place and think of it as your gold. It will do you just as much good."
The moral of this fable is that hoarding wealth without ever using it for any purpose is pointless. The miser's focus on his material possession (the gold) gave him no true benefit, joy, or fulfillment, much like someone who is consumed by the desire to accumulate wealth or possessions but never enjoys life or uses what they have for meaningful experiences. This fable illustrates the futility of placing too much value on material things without understanding their real purpose. Wealth for its own sake is empty, and excessive focus on it can lead to a life devoid of more profound meaning and satisfaction.
It is wonderful to have the luxury of buying what is desired. It can improve the quality of one’s life. However, true happiness often comes from meaningful experiences and relationships rather than material goods.
The Loneliness of Leadership: Why Status Can Erode Happiness
Attaining high-ranking positions in career or social circles can bring a sense of accomplishment and recognition from others. However, status does not necessarily equate to happiness. Early in my career, I set a goal of becoming CEO in my 30s. Everything I did was intended to move me in that direction. I came close to my goal when I obtained my first CEO appointment at 42. My first day as CEO was thrilling. It was everything I imagined and more. The title. The corner office. The attention. Life was incredible! For a while, anyway.
It did not take long for all that to wash away. My time getting to the top was great. I spent endless hours working closely with others and sharing information and insights, especially challenges I couldn’t resolve. I had no problem telling others when things looked dire and getting feedback from my co-workers and peers to solve the many challenges I encountered.
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As CEO, I soon realized that being as open and free with information was no longer possible. As CEO my subordinates and board looked to me to have all the answers, particularly when they themselves were out of solutions. Like a child looking to a parent, I was expected to have all the solutions. They needed to be comforted like a baby with his binky and told everything would be okay. Imagine you are CEO of a bank amid the financial crisis of 2008, and everyone is looking at you to tell you everything will be fine. Not only was everything not going to be okay, but everything was also about to go to hell in a handbasket. Suddenly, being the CEO was no longer what I had envisioned. Quite the opposite. These days were some of the loneliest times of my life as I found it challenging to confide in others, fearing that they would jump out the nearest window - literally.
Pressure and Expectations
High-status positions often come with significant pressure and expectations. The need to constantly prove oneself and maintain one's position can lead to stress and burnout. In Henry IV, Part 2, Shakespeare writes, "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown." The phrase refers to the burdens and anxieties that come with power and leadership. During the financial crisis, while banks were shutting down daily, employees were losing their livelihoods, and homeowners were losing their homes, I felt an incredible pressure and responsibility to do everything I could to avoid these outcomes. I remember incredible strain in my relationship with my wife and a significant increase in my drinking. The role of CEO brought incredible difficulty and stress unlike anything I had ever experienced.
Isolation
Climbing the social or career ladder can sometimes lead to isolation. The higher you go, the fewer peers you have who truly understand your experiences and challenges. This can impact your emotional well-being and happiness.
I mentioned above how, during this time, I had employees and board members looking to me for answers to incredible challenges. Because all eyes were on me and everyone was looking at me to comfort them, it was impossible to trust most with my reality. Either they did not understand or did not want to understand. At the time, the world seemed to be in complete free fall. My inability at the time to confide in others, including my wife, who was just as worried about my job as my employees’ spouses were about theirs, made my life incredibly isolated. It resulted not only in isolation but also in an uptick in my drinking and the development of poor sleep hygiene.
Superficial Relationships
Perhaps the most obvious byproduct of achieving high status, such as CEO, is all the people that come out of the woodwork. Don’t get me wrong; I have developed many incredible relationships with people I would have never encountered without my status bump. People I go out of my way to stay in touch with even though our business interests may no longer intersect. Having said that, status can attract people more interested in what they can gain from you rather than genuine friendship or connection. This can make it difficult to form deep, meaningful relationships.
I once read or was told something like, “Success attracts friends who are opportunists and not friends who are loyal to you.” On several occasions over the years, I have seen this play out. However, it is rare and usually easy to spot. I don’t believe we should become cynical with our relationships as we rise in status. However, I think a sprinkle of caution is never a bad idea. People will be people. Good people. And bad people. And that will never change. Just recognize that the path to success is lined with people who will never have your interests at heart.
The Empty Praise: When External Validation Falls Short
When Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort, not in the recognition of others," he was emphasizing that true happiness and fulfillment come from the intrinsic value of hard work, personal achievement, and the creative process itself, rather than from external validation or recognition. Receiving awards, honors, and public acknowledgment can be gratifying and affirm your efforts and achievements. However, recognition does not guarantee lasting fulfillment.
External Validation
I have been a fan of self-improvement books since my sophomore year in high school. One of my favorite self-help gurus is Wayne Dyer, author of The Power of Intention, Excuses Begone!, and other titles.
Wayne once said, “Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy.” The idea behind the quote is that self-worth is an internal belief, not something that can be determined by external factors such as wealth, achievements, or the opinions of others. It underscores the power of self-perception – that your sense of worthiness is rooted in how you see and value yourself.
Look, there is nothing wrong with receiving awards and commendations. I have a wall of certificates from organizations, cities, counties, and even the United States House of Representatives. They’re great and can be of great value when selling yourself and your services. But the truth is that when your sense of self-worth heavily depends on external validation like these commendations, it can be fragile and fleeting. True fulfillment comes from internal validation and self-acceptance rather than the approval of others.
Temporary Satisfaction
Horace Greeley, who lived in the 1800s, is known for many things, including the establishment of the New York Tribune and his political activism on behalf of the anti-slavery, workers’ rights, and westward expansion (“Go West, young man, and grow up the country”) movements. Greeley once wrote, "Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wings. Only one thing endures, and that is character."
Greeley's quote reminds us that while external rewards such as fame, popularity, and wealth may bring temporary satisfaction, they are not lasting. What truly matters in the long run is a person's character—who they are and how they conduct themselves. Character endures beyond the rise and fall of external success and is the true measure of a person's worth.
Recognition can temporarily boost happiness, but it often fades quickly. Once the moment of recognition passes, the satisfaction may diminish, leading to a continuous pursuit of more accolades.
Comparison and Competition
The desire for recognition can lead to unhealthy comparisons and competition with others. This can create feelings of inadequacy and jealousy, undermining overall happiness. Theodore Roosevelt recognized this danger when he said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."
Roosevelt, who was respected by many for being a bold and visionary leader, warned that comparing yourself to others will surely cause you to lose the joy and satisfaction that could come from appreciating your own life. By focusing on what others have or have achieved, you allow external factors to steal your sense of happiness and contentment.
Many years prior, Socrates maintained a similar opinion when he said, “Envy is the ulcer of the soul.” With this, Socrates warned against the dangers of envy, explaining that it harms not only relationships and external happiness but also the soul itself. By comparing envy to an ulcer, he emphasized that it is a painful, self-destructive force that undermines one's ability to live a fulfilled and peaceful life.
I am confident that I have shown that while wealth, status, and recognition are often associated with success, they do not inherently guarantee happiness or fulfillment. True success encompasses a broader spectrum, including personal fulfillment, healthy relationships, well-being, continuous growth, and positive contribution. Understanding and embracing a holistic view of success can lead to a more balanced, satisfying, and meaningful life.