Redefining self-care: Beyond bubble baths & meditation apps

I recently read a real-life story in which a doctor told someone suffering from severe burnout that she couldn’t “self-care” her way out of it. Not gonna lie—reading this pissed me off.

Can we please stop talking about self-care as though it’s all about spa days and expensive vacations???

Self-care isn’t frivolous, and it isn’t optional. It’s fundamental to our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Taking care of ourselves is the only way we can continue to function as healthy and at least relatively happy human beings. And it’s the only way we can do our work effectively and take care of any other beings, human or otherwise, we might be responsible for.

Self-care is listening to your body, mind, and soul, and giving them both the fuel and the rest they need.

This will mean different things for different people. When I’m tired, I don’t want to go to bed at 9pm—instead, sleeping in in the morning works best for me. Declining an invite to an 8am meeting—as interesting or important as it might sound—is self-care to me, because I’m meeting my body’s needs for sleep.

For you, self-care might look like getting up at 5am to run or work out, starting your work day at 7, and finishing at 4pm so you can have dinner with your family and get to bed early.

Self-care is more than sleep. It’s understanding (or learning) when your body needs food, what kinds of food nourishes it—and which foods make it feel kind of crappy, even if you enjoy them while you’re eating them.

It’s taking breaks between meetings to breathe, stretch, refill your water/coffee/tea, go to the bathroom, process what you’ve just come out of, and prepare for what you’re going into next.

And yes—it’s more than just the basics. Do you love massages and spa days? Go for ‘em! The more, the better. I’m not a huge bubble bath fan myself, but I’ll take a hot tub session any day.

Take vacations, and don’t bring your laptop. Actually be on vacation! Can’t afford to travel? I hear you. Take a day off (or more than one) and visit somewhere an hour or two from home. Make a game out of finding new places to explore. Is your vacation time running out? Take one day off a week until you’ve used it all.

Get outside and get moving as much as possible. It’s so easy to plant ourselves in front of our laptops and stare at a screen for hours. And for those of us who work from home not to even leave the house! I make myself go for walks at least 4-5 days a week, even if I don’t feel like it. The fresh air and different perspective always reenergize me, lift my mood, and sometimes help me uncover solutions to problems I’ve been wrestling with.

Figure out what brings you joy, and do more of it. What can you do for just a few minutes that will make you smile, or even better, laugh? Take a picture. Sing or dance. Doodle. Do a puzzle. Watch a video clip of your favorite comedian. Play with a child or a pet.

What do you love to do that might take a little longer? Plant flowers. Cook or bake your favorite food. Go for a hike or bike ride. Work out. Read a book or watch a movie. Create art. Play a game or a sport.

Do these things throughout your day and week. Plan for the things that take more time. The quicker things? Just do them. Keep them nearby and accessible so you have them when you need them.

More self-care that we frequently neglect: Learn to say no more, and more effectively. Figure out your boundaries and honor them. Saying yes to everything won’t get you the respect you deserve, and it will only make everything harder.

Be yourself. Suppressing your emotions, opinions, thoughts or aspects of your personality is a direct route to burnout. If you don’t feel safe being yourself, and feel like you have to mask to keep your job, please think long and hard about the tradeoffs you’re choosing to make. It will eventually affect not only your work but your health and your relationships, too. It’ll have an impact on every aspect of your life.

Right up there in the self-care Olympic events with learning to say no, communicating your boundaries, and being yourself is asking for what you need. As much as we might like them to be able to (sometimes), no one can read your mind. Not your boss, your colleagues, your direct reports, your partner. They also have a lot on their minds—just as you do. Be kind to them and to yourself, and clearly ask for what you need. And give them the joy of giving it to you.

What did I leave out that should be included here? What does self-care look like for you?

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