Redefining Ourselves

Imagine embracing your natural hair color when before you always changed it. Loving the new look, you feel more like yourself than you have in years, and are now strutting. It's an amazing feeling. But press pause on that joy. People keep telling you that they liked the other color better. "Can you change it back?"

?“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”

Sydney J. Harris

It's pretty deflating, right? (Plus, there is no way you're changing that color back to please other people. It's your hair!) This happens in business, too. It's what stops some of us from switching careers, starting a business, or moving departments. It can sneak into our subconscious when we're thinking of putting our name in for that promotion. Or causes self-doubt and has us wondering if we should go back to the way things were. This is a very specific kind of fear. It's the fear of being true to ourselves.

?Saying No to Fear

What do we do with this fear? There's only so long we can pretend it doesn't exist. And while others are struggling with this change, we can't control their feelings. We can influence the narrative, though. It all starts by looking within.

"Facing our fears" is a lot more complicated than a simple command. Here are a few tips for working your way through this fear of being true to yourself.

• Take time in silence. The ideal situation is a wellness trip, but let's start with 15 minutes of quiet and solitude. Think about how you want to redefine your story, your being, and your future. How does it make you feel? If it brings joy, excitement, that spark of inspiration, then you know you're on the right path.
• Put pen to paper. A study conducted at the Norwegian University of Science & Technology showed that handwriting is better for learning and memory than typing. Other studies have shown that handwriting helps self expression. So at the top of the paper, write "What It Looks Like to Be True to Myself in Business." Then just let it flow.
• Set boundaries. Think of this as a commitment to your happy future. It includes saying "no," which can be uncomfortable. Especially when we're in a space of self-doubt. That's why it's important to start with one of the first two tips to reaffirm the "why" behind this decision. It could be as simple as saying no to a promotion or transfer that you're not interested in. Or as difficult as leaving where you are to try something new. Remember that this is a fork in the road, not a brick wall. Your "no" is a choice for a life of happiness and makes room for the right opportunity.

Is It Just Me?

As an entrepreneur, we are tested on these boundaries all the time. Way more than I could have imagined. After a long career in sales, I decided not to sell for anyone else. A mentor told me that I have a lot more to offer and she was right. I just needed to tap into it.

We're taught in hospitality that we're to "be of service." Well, I was done serving others and chose to support them instead. This is what fills my soul with joy. It may seem like a simple change of verbiage, but it's a powerful mindset shift. It defines what I don't offer in my business, sets a boundary, and is true to who I am today.

Because sales is a revenue generating responsibility, I was na?ve enough to think that's why others kept asking me to do that. And sure, it's a need. But it goes back to changing our hair color. We know what it looks and feels like to be true to ourselves. The world around us has to process that shift. Tania Carriere of Advivum Journeys speaks to this on episode 61 of my podcast, Through Inspired Eyes. She refers to creating a communication plan. When we reconnect with ourselves, it's difficult to go back to the old version. However, we still have to prep others for this change. Let's add in Tania's tip.

• Create a communication plan. What does this look like for you? Maybe you're rehearsing it in the mirror, setting meetings to talk through this, or telling your peers over coffee. Know that you may have to repeat this message more than once to the same people. Let the repetition reinforce the change. Don't answer self-doubt if it calls.

The more we speak that message, be mindful of how this makes us feel, write out what it looks like for us, and set boundaries, the more natural this shift will be. We have the benefit of being able to redefine ourselves. Why wait?