Redeeming your Pain

Guess there are times when we all need to share a little pain and ironing out the rough spots is the hardest part when memories remain. It's times like these when we all need to hear the radio because from the lips of some old singer, We can share the troubles we already know.

Turn 'em on, turn 'em on, Turn on those sad songs. When all hope is gone, Why don't you tune in and turn them on? - Sad Songs by Elton John

Liam Neeson often play a similar character in his movies. He is usually very strong, fiercely independent, and in charge. He rarely meets circumstances that he isn't ready to face head on. Whatever is to come, he will be ready. At least the Hollywood version of him appears like that. In 2009, his world was torn apart when his wife was killed following a skiing accident. He was suddenly left as a widower with two sons. He spoke to this incident and how it impacted him in a People magazine article,

“I’m not good without work,” he said. “I just don’t – I just don’t wallow too much. You know? And I just didn’t want to – especially for my boys – seem to be wallowing in sadness or depression.”

Let me start by saying that I don't know how I would respond if I was in his situation. I have two boys and the thought of being left alone to raise them feels overwhelming to me. Anyone who has endured pain on this level knows that the strong masculine loner from the movies isn't realistic as it can't sustain any of us through tragedy and pain, but it is equally futile to seek to immerse ourselves in work. It is a mistake to think that it helps to alleviate this pain, as that only places it to the side for a fleeting moment. All attempts to busy ourselves, work included, only bring momentary peace which quickly evaporates.

I meet with people all the time who are experiencing pain in some way. It is just a part of the hospice experience. Physical pain, pain of broken relationships, pain connected with evaporating dreams, pain of losing physical abilities, or even pain in ways that they can't articulate. Normally, it is pain that can't be put off or pushed down the line, it needs to be explored. It is one thing to speak in the abstract about hurt and sorrow, and how this world is filled with pain. It is another thing entirely to experience it yourself or to sit with someone gripped by pain.

By nature, we look for the escape hatch. If it is happening to us, then our minds begin to race as if we are trapped in an escape room, and we frantically check every route to exit as quickly as possible. I don't do well with pain on any level. If we are talking about your pain, then I begin to brainstorm how to get you out of it. I can become uncomfortable by the presence of pain and sorrow in your story; therefore, my motivation for assisting you in escaping your pain in wrapped up in my own selfish need for comfort in my world. I don't want to see your sorrow up close and personal, and it is a harsh reminder of what might be lurking out there for me one day.

"As St. Augustine said somewhere, 'God wants to give us something, but cannot, because our hands are full-there's nowhere for Him to put it.' Or as a friend of mine said, 'We regard God as an airman regards his parachute, It's there for emergencies but he hopes to never use it'" -CS Lewis

Can we take a brief step back from these situations and ask a question. May we dare to ask: Where is God in this suffering? Let me be clear, I don't mean that God takes delight in our suffering or that he is the author of pain, hurt, or sorrow. There does seem to be a sense of wisdom gained or perspective created when we ask this question. Only then we can see that the current pain isn't the end of the story, in fact, it might be opening up an unforeseen opportunity.

Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm. He said...

Job is an often quoted book in the Bible when it comes to issues of pain and suffering. This is with good reason, as it tells the story of a man facing what many of us would refer to as excruciating pain. He looses it all, his wealth, his children, and his health. As the pages of this story unfold the loses grow higher and more costly, and we have to admit the heartache of hearing how much he suffers. It challenges us in our understanding of the world, ourselves, and even of how we view God.

"We may imagine God as our genie who comes to do our bidding. Suffering wakes us up to the fact that we serve him, not he us. Diseases, accidents, and natural disasters remind us of our extreme vulnerability; life is out of our control." -Randy Alcorn

But, we when we look at the life of Job we are also are given the opportunity to see what remains, the steadfast patient presence of the Lord. At a second glance, Job hasn't quite lost everything. The story of Job reveals where God is when we suffer. He is beside us, and He is committed to be with us for the whole of the journey.

 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. -Deuteronomy 31:6

Those that are in pain can fall into a trap of isolation, depression, and loneliness. It is extremely easy to believe the lie that no one understands or cares. It is why we have to be reminded that we are still cared for, still loved, and still worth pursuing. It is why the above verse from Deuteronomy is one that I frequently use when meeting with individuals that are walking through seasons of pain or through the valley of the shadow of death. The strength and courageous nature of this text is one that is built not on our own gifts. It is not crafted in a Hollywood studio of internal strength, it is one that comes from outside of us.

"O no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

O no, You never let go

In every high and every low

O no, You never let go - Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming

For the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

We'll live to know You here on the earth." - You Never Let Go by Matt Redman

A grander narrative is on display, but it is one that we might not be seeing due to the pain. The truth is that our story is part of that larger narrative, and it can sadly be forgotten. We have to hear that Christ left his place in Heaven to become one of us, a lowly man. He lived a sinless life, he died on the cross, and he was raised from the dead after 3 days. He brings redemption to us for us when we repent and believe. That story reveals to us the depth of love that God has for us, and the way he showed us the tangible proof. He will bring healing to us, but that healing might not come fully in this world. Pain is not the end of the story, another chapter awaits us.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” - Revelation 21:6