Red-flag Words …and what to do about them

My career is about words. Some of them scream at me—begging for examination, care, and remedy.

In fundraising materials—an annual email appeal, a seven-figure proposal, a stewardship report—these silent-scream words are narrative “tells.” A poker player’s eye twitch that can signal to donors a lack of vision, unformed strategy, lazy writing, or all of the above.

Below, some of the red-flag words that instantly grab my attention and examples from appeals I’ve received and proposals and case statements I’ve edited. But first, an acknowledgement: As with most rants, this is mostly about the author—syntactical crimes I’ve committed in years past and lessons learned. The more venom, the more it’s about exorcizing my own demons.

1.?????Continue

“Make a contribution of $35 today to help XXX continue to offer new and expanded opportunities for your student and others.”

Why it’s a problem

By definition, the word continue is not aspirational or change-oriented—the heart of moving people to donate to nonprofits. Often, it’s used as shorthand, skimming the surface of meaning and masking an incomplete or ill-defined philanthropic proposition. Another concerning read of “help us continue our important work” is this: We’re in dire financial circumstances and need gifts to keep our doors open.

In my experience, pressures to insert “continue” sometimes come from faculty, program officers, or leaders. They might worry that a philanthropic argument suggests current deficiency in clinical care, or lack of current educational excellence. They might add it out of pride for their institution and its work to improve the lives of others.

What to do about it

Look again at the argument—stated and implicit. Answer the question, “Why give to us?” Spend time defining your organization’s core philanthropic proposition, agnostic of specific giving opportunities. What are your current strengths and the needs in the world that you are well-positioned to address? How will you use philanthropy to improve lives and communities? This is the touchstone for all appeals, no matter the size or type.

2.?????Like you (and her possessive twin brother, “like yours”)

“With friends like you by our side, the XXX excels in its role as [a] foremost arts institution, representing important work and ideas of living artists.”

Why it’s a problem

My brain auto-corrects the donors-like-you trope into “I don’t know you, but I’ve heard that using the second person is important in appeals.”

What is right for bespoke proposals is not right for email appeals, designed cases, and giving websites—vehicles that reach the masses. Well-crafted proposals reflect a donor’s interests, their engagement with your organization, and their aspirations for the future. “You” and “your” are used in strategic, precise ways to advance an argument for philanthropic support.

In mass appeals, “like you” makes assumptions about me; often, it presumes to ascribe values—something lots of us get prickly about. The phrase lumps me in with an amorphous group of strangers and compares me to them. And there’s a saying that in every comparison, someone loses.

What to do about it

Fortunately, the fix is typically easy: Just edit it out. The result is often more direct and assertive. Let’s use the contemporary arts museum example:

OLD - “With friends like you by our side, the XXX excels in its role as [a] foremost arts institution, representing important work and ideas of living artists.”

NEW -?“Donors fuel our efforts to represent the important work and ideas of living artists.”

3.?????Impact (also: impactful, which signals medical attention is needed)

“Your gift makes an impact.”

Why it’s a problem

This is what an old editor of mine used to call a “no kidding statement” (translated from more colorful language). Of course, we assume our gifts have an impact. A generic, obvious statement might rightly cause donors to question whether their gifts were put to good use.

Donors deserve to know what their philanthropic impact is. This is true whether they give $50 or $50 million.

What to do about it

Do some sleuthing. Talk with the dean or department chair to understand how gifts were used. The impact of an unrestricted annual gift to a nursing school, for example, could be described like this: “Your gift, along with those from other alumni and friends, enabled two graduate students to spend six months working on a clean-water project near Ambikapur, India.”

4.?????Help

“Help XXX reach its goal and schedule your gift today.”

Why it’s a problem

This illustration of “help” comes alongside so many other challenges. Why does your financial goal matter? What will it accomplish, and for whom? As a call to action, the sentence leans heavily on a specific case being made in the preceding narrative. (It was not.)

Most often, the challenge with “help” is that it can weaken a potential donor’s sense of their ability to create change. One case statement I read years ago used the phrase, “Your support will help us broaden access and revitalize education.” It was part of a strong narrative about current outreach and engagement, and the need for more programming. Donors are shoulder-to-shoulder partners in our work, and anemic philanthropic-impact language can diminish their sense of power.

What to do about it

Sometimes, this is another easy fix. Delete the word “help” and see where you stand. “Your support will broaden access and revitalize education” works well. For the initial example, though, I’d scrap the sentence and start over, leading with something tangible.

5.?????Lightning Round: Because I can’t help myself

Some tired phrases tumble out all too easily. Among my favorite targets:

·???????Best and brightest

·???????Breadth and depth

·???????Recruit and retain

·???????Margin of excellence

·???????Next generation

We might think they have deep meaning, but if they carry significance, it’s likely only with internal audiences—not with potential donors. Best to think harder about what we mean and how to state it more precisely and compellingly.

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Next week’s post: Engaging volunteers and potential donors with draft philanthropic propositions and priorities.

I am a writer who partners with nonprofits to tell their stories, combining head and heart to move people to engage and give. Contact me if you’d like to discuss a project.