The "Red Face" Test

“Mind Your Actions, Otherwise You Will Be Caught Red-Handed”

We’ve all heard the phrase, about passing the “Red-Face” test. If we were to think about it and be truthful with ourselves, I also think we’ve all felt that we were caught in a situation, then tried and failed the “Red-Face” test. For those of you who’ve never heard of this phrase, have I got some information for you! 

To start, here’s an example.

Dad: “Son, did you really go to your friend’s house and watch tv, or did you go to that party I told you not to go to?”  

Son: “Yes Dad, I sw…sw... swear I went to my friend’s house. I swear.”

Dad: “If that’s true, why won’t you look at me, and why are you all sweaty and smell like cigarettes? And, why are you stuttering?”

That right there is an example of NOT being able to pass the proverbial “Red-Face” test. The kid’s busted. He knows it. His dad knows it. It’s just a matter of time before dad digs deep enough to make him crack. The only thing needed now is for the kid to confess and tell his dad he can’t back up that statement. 

Wikipedia defines RED FACE TEST as:

red face test(Noun)

A hypothetical test of a person's embarrassment, that is either passed or failed. Saying one passes the red face test means one would not blush and thus would not be embarrassed by disclosing something to others or doing something, and saying one fails the red face test means a situation would cause them discernible embarrassment. 

Or:

red face test (plural red face tests)

1.  (idiomatic) A hypothetical test of a person's embarrassment that is either passed or failed. Saying one passes the red face test means one would not blush and thus would not be embarrassed by disclosing something to others or doing something, and saying one fails the red face test means a situation would cause them discernible embarrassment.

The literal translation goes like this: When asked questions, you must be able to answer the questions responsibly without your face turning red. This is because when most people try to lie, or stretch the truth, or move out of their comfort zone, they tend to get a bit red-faced, which indicates deception or embarrassment. 

Passing the “Red-Face” test could be answering to someone on not meeting a deadline or failing to complete a project as directed and then having to (here’s another catchphrase) “face the music” from your boss or client. Answer their questions deceptively at your own peril because a smart boss can pick up on those clues that may only bring on more, in-depth questions, which in turn, will make you squirm even more. It’s a slippery slope from there, folks. 

Another one can be more personal like “breaking wind” right before the boss walks into a room you are in and he asks the question…C’mon, you know the question…” who cut the cheese?” and now you say “I think it was Paul. He was just in here. Ya, Paul did it for sure.”   Can you pull it off? Can you lie to your boss without him knowing you did the stinky?

That right there folks, would be the test. Not just any test. No sir, this is the perfect “Red-Face” test. Well, because obviously you’d be very embarrassed if you had to tell him it was you, or worse yet, he doesn’t believe you! That’s awkward, isn’t it? Not that I’ve ever done that….nooooo!

Well, now you’ve probably caught on that the Red-face test is pretty much being able to lie without someone catching you. It’s just a matter of semantics, really. Is it a itsy-bitsy lie like breaking wind and then blaming someone else? Or, is it a humungous lie like scratching your husband’s truck at the mall and then claiming ignorance (Not knowing anything about it) when he sees it, falls to his knees crying and asks if you knew how this happened? 

Hey, it’d be a huge lie to me!

As in the legal definitions I showed, most lies that need to pass a “Red Face” test are ones that could lead to embarrassment or ridicule, should the truth be found out…either yours or someone else’s. 

Example: Your wife told you 10 times to NOT lean back in your lawn chair because you’re going to tip over and crack your skull on the concrete patio; and what did you do…? Well for starters, when you get home from the emergency room with stitches in the back of your head, you tell her ANYTHING except that you were lounging back in your lawn chair with a beer! 

Story #1: You were jumped by 5 guys in the parking lot but fought them all off with just your keys. 

Story #2: Even though it’s June, there was a random patch of black ice outside the door that you slipped on.

If you can tell her either of these stories without getting caught…you just passed a “Red-Face” test! 

BTW: It’s never happened in the history of man-wife “Red Face” tests, but you could be the first!!

Whatever the reason, just be aware that lies, even itsy-bitsy, “red-face” lies when used can be very damaging to you and your reputation and can cause devastating hurt to others. Plus, you never want to be that guy referred to as “once a liar, always a liar”.  No one likes that guy.

I hope everyone enjoyed this month’s letter. I hope I both educated and entertained you. It was, and is my pleasure bringing this topic and other topics to you each month.

Be safe out there and take care of each other!

“Chance made us colleagues, but the fun and laughter made us friends”

                                                                  A very smart person