The Recruiter's Outrageous Request That Left Me Speechless

The tide is turning in the talent marketplace. Employers are having trouble filling their job openings. If you are well-branded for the jobs you want, you have probably seen a noticeable uptick in job market activity lately. 

Good candidates are hard to find, but old habits die hard, especially among old-school recruiters.We hear from our clients every day about the rude and insulting things that recruiters say to them -- both third-party recruiters, sometimes called headhunters, and corporate recruiters who work directly for their employers.

It is easy to see why a badly-trained recruiter with the wrong idea about how to attract talent might be short and brusque with job-seekers.

They have been taught that if they contact a job-seeker and he or she doesn't give up every bit of information they need, their next move is to threaten the candidate by saying "If you don't answer my question, then I'll move on to the next candidate."

They tell job-seekers "You need me to get a good job!" They use fear as a motivator.

Here is the truth about people who use fear as a weapon: they cannot help you. They won't be your advocate even if you do sign up to have them represent you in your job search.

They can't be an advocate for anyone, because they don't know who they are or what they stand for. They may be glib or even cocky, but that is only false bravado. They are stuck in fear. Remember that fear and hostility are two sides of the same coin.

The recruiter who called you or wrote to you needs you in his or her stable, but a fearful person cannot tell you that. They do not have enough confidence to say "Look, you're helping me as much as I'm helping you, if not more so." 

The only way a recruiter gets paid is when one of his or her candidates accepts a job offer. Without candidates a recruiter couldn't earn a dime.

A person who needs you but acts as though you need them is someone to run away from. That person is mired in fear. 

You don't need them. They are not an appropriate representative for your brand or your flame! 

Sometimes corporate HR folks can be the bad guys in the hiring equation. Our friend Alicia called us. Alicia is an independent recruiter in Texas. "I had an HR person tell me today that she doesn't want to see any candidates over sixty years old," said Alicia.

"I told my client that's illegal. I told her I can't oblige her request, because it's illegal to discriminate on the basis of age. She told me there are other recruiters out there who will give her what she wants.

"I told her that's fine, and her firm is not the only employer in town, either. Why would I associate my brand with unethical people? I can fill jobs in good companies more easily than in bad ones, anyway!"

Alicia figured out a long time ago that telling the truth and living her life according to her values is always the right decision. Sometimes it's scary in the short term to do that, but Alicia hated herself the few times she ignored her moral compass.

"I had a client who didn't want female candidates for a VP spot," she said. "We laughed about it, but he was serious. He actually wouldn't interview a woman for his VP job opening, no matter how qualified she might be. He found a reason to reject every female candidate I showed him.

"I gave him three guys to interview and he hired one of them. I felt sick about it. I'm sure the fellow he hired did a good job, but that's not the point. I can't work with people who know right from wrong but don't care. I never worked with that company again."

Our client Brendan got a call at his desk from a recruiter who works for a big retained search firm. "Right away he started asking me highly inappropriate questions," said Brendan.

"He wanted to know my age. He asked me what my dad does for a living. He didn't seem to care about my mom, who has an art gallery! He told me he wanted to 'get a feel for my family background and social situation.' He asked me where my parents went to college. Now how is that relevant to the job he's calling me about?

"I wanted to vomit. My dad is a banker but I felt like telling the recruiter my dad works the night shift at 7-11 just to hear his reaction. Instead, I cut the phone call short.

"The guy must have emailed me ten times after that, even though I made it clear I wasn't interested."

Jessica interned with us while she was in college. After she graduated, she moved to Philadelphia. One day Jessica got a call from a recruiter. That was a new experience for her.

"He told me about a job that sounded pretty cool," Jessica told us. "I told him I might be interested. He sent my resume to the hiring manager and she liked it. He set up an interview for me.

"The day  before the interview, the recruiter called me to help me prepare. He gave me three things to say at the interview. One of them was 'I'd be honored to work here.'

"The second one was 'One thing I can tell you about myself is that I'm loyal and hard-working.' The third one was 'You don't have to worry about me - I'm low-maintenance!'

"I thought it was pushy of him to put those words in my mouth.

"Then the recruiter gave me two things NOT to say. He said 'Don't use the phrase 'career path' or mention your career goals on the interview, and don't ask any questions about salary level or benefits, the job description or what the job would be like.

"This client is very particular. They consider those questions 'Quality of Work Life questions' and they don't like to hear them from applicants, or answer them."

Jessica listened to the recruiter run through his insulting spiel. She let him talk for twenty minutes. Then she called us.

"Should I even go on this interview?" she asked.

"You could go," we said. "You'll get good experience. You can decide in the moment whether to follow the recruiter's instructions or not."

Jessica went on the interview. She answered the interview questions perfectly like a good little Sheepie Job Seeker. The lady on the other side of the desk beamed at her. "Do you have any questions for me?" asked the interviewer.

"Just a few," said Jessica. "Of course I want to know about the job description, the salary, the benefits and the general Quality of Work Life here, but most of all I'm interested in learning about the career path for the person who takes this job!"

The interviewer's face fell. Jessica sat in front of her smiling -- obviously a qualified, polished and personable candidate. The interviewer sighed.

"Sadly," she said in very quiet voice, "there's no career path for this job at all. If you take this job, you'll be doing the same job five years from now."

"I can't thank you enough for your honesty!" said Jessica sweetly as she rose from her chair and extended her hand for a parting shake. Jessica was 23 at the time. You can find your voice at any age! 

Jessica's muscles got huge that day. She decided to launch a job search and got a great job with a consulting firm a few months later.

Jessica never heard from the headhunter who had arranged the "don't say career path" interview -- not a phone call or even an email message.

She didn't care. That guy was a great teacher! 

It is a new day. The Human Workplace is already here,  but we each have to step into it on our own. Every time you find your voice and use it to tell the truth, your muscles will grow the way Jessica's did.

You get to decide whether to tell the truth or not many times every day. You might be in that decision-making position ten minutes from now. Which way will you go? 

Resources for Recruiters & Job-Seekers!

The four-week Intensive Virtual Course Recruiting with a Human Voice teaches new and experienced recruiters how to attract great candidates and take your recruiting to a higher level! 

Jump here to learn more about Recruiting with a Human Voice!

Get the Job You Deserve is our Virtual Course introduction to the Whole Person Job Search approach including writing your Human-Voiced Resume and Pain Letters and bypassing automated recruiting sites to reach your hiring manager directly.

Jump here to learn more about the Four-Week, 12-Week Standard or 12-Week Advanced Virtual Course Get the Job You Deserve! 

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