IT Recruiter : From the prism of my old friend (A Hilarious Guide??)

I am in the arena of IT recruitment since last few years. But in past I was an active player into employee engagement activities, so it becomes a habit cum reflex to observe, listen and study the humane behavior closely.

After a long call with one of my known old friend I can dare to write her suggestions in my typical "gangam style":

This started with quick congratulation, my whereabouts and bla bla and finally she shooted her 1st astra and asked : what’s your superpower as a recruiter?

I replied, "I can spot errors from resume even it is miles away like a G-SAT."

To which she replied buddy can you find the missing S from our “Salary”. Because that’s what me and many candidates seeking for ….

She continue: you guys (recruiters) have made this mystical world of IT recruitment as a game of “Where’s Waldo?”—except instead of finding a spectacled in a professional suit, you’re hunting for that Rajnikant developer who can code in seven languages, know every damn framework can work as tester and developer designer and sometimes as an entertainer too... and finally can brew a perfect cup of chai, and do moonwalk while debugging.

I was enjoying the chorus sound of her chirping no matter what she was saying at that time. I was hypnotized by her voice and this word “recruiter” incited her dormant volcano of anger.

Why you guys think that every damn coder is a fan of Shakespeare or Jane Austen. It need whole volumes of Oxford dictionaries to decipher and encrypt your prompts.

Imagine a job post that reads like a Shakespearean sonnet. It’s poetic, it’s enchanting, and it’s utterly confusing. Please try to understand, we want clarity, not riddles. You write like :

“Seeking a Java Ninja with a penchant for Python, a dash of SQL sorcery, and the ability to levitate while debugging legacy code.”

I read this and think, “Do I need a black belt or a wand?”

Imagine a candidate showing up for an interview dressed as a ninja, clutching a Python book and muttering SQL queries. (Job Advertisement should be detailed and clear)

I think every recruiter is inspired by that movie character Mr. India. They are so fascinated with him that after interview they turn up into real Mr. India. You know people don’t believe and even don't like ghosts these days. You get vanish like ghosts after an interview and it makes us feel like we are stuck in a time loop. Please be transparent!

Change this old school dialogue: “We’ll get back to you soon!” Because everyone knows the real meaning of Soon = “When Elon Musk colonizes Mars.”

It is like a candidate sends a follow-up email, and the recruiter replies with a GIF of a snail racing in a formula 1. (Keep your communication open, honest and become more responsive)

Getting a arm license in India is much easier than applying for the job, when we dare to click on your job links, suddenly we found ourselves trapped in a labyrinth of forms, CAPTCHAs, and security questions. It’s like hacking into the Pentagon multiple security questions, ID proofs, 2 factors authentications. Can you guys make applying for job easier than ordering a pizza.

Would you like if a candidate accidentally uploads a pizza emoji instead of their resume. I know how you respond: “Impressive choice! But can you also code in JavaScript?” (Keep the application process Simple and Mobile-Friendly)

You have to come out from the thought process that developers are aliens, some may looks likes that and resemble exactly the same because they may have inherited the pair of chromosomes from studious generation. You treat our mails and messages like those are directly coming from the parallel universes and if you delay even 2-3 years it will not impact much in this universe. Please treat our messages as it being sent from human being of this mother earth. You treat it like a message from an alien civilization.

Candidate: “Hi, I’m interested in the position.”

Recruiter: Reads email

Recruiter’s Brain: “Processing…processing…”

Recruiter: “Let’s schedule an interview in 2030.”

I think you guys want that our grandkids attend the interview. (Be responsive and give prompt responses to candidates)

The one thing that I can not decipher is why recruiters shy away from giving the feedback just like a daughter-in-law of ancient India, even if they share the feedback they keep it very cryptic like the passcode of Swiss bank account. Getting feedback from them is like Wi-Fi: essential for survival.

Candidate: “How did I do in the interview?”

Recruiter: “Your performance was…um, memorable.”

The candidate receives a feedback email with an emoji rating: ?? (Translation: “You’re a mystery wrapped in an enigma.”) (Give honest and timely feedback)

The reason she was burning like hell coz she saw me in the opposition party of recruiters or may be she was freaking out her frustration of not being in the talking term since years. In both ways I was the beneficiary party.

In the end she said “remember behind every candidate is a human who secretly wishes to get selected.”

In this way I found my missing semicolon. Without which, my life would be a syntax error.”