(Teen)Recovery is Possible
This time of year often prompts many of us to look into the future and make proclamations, resolutions, and intentions. I have even heard someone refer to this as setting standards. I am usually caught between thinking about the past year and projecting about the upcoming one. However, the challenge for those in recovery is that we are encouraged to live in the present. So, how can I balance living today with planning for or setting expectations for how things may unfold in the new year? This kind of thinking can evoke everything from excitement and hope to fear and anxiety.
That's great, Dan, but what If I am in high school? It's the second half of the year, and maybe I need to project better academic outcomes than I have experienced so far. It could be time to start sending out applications to colleges or trade schools. What if I don’t get one of my picks? What if I am rejected entirely and can't go to college? Perhaps it's finally time for me to ask that someone out. That is so crazy. Imagine a girl asking a guy out, especially him. What if he says no?
What if I am in college? I need to declare a major or take on a job to help support myself? This is not a joke! I see this struggle daily in my office – young people trying to balance their recovery with the normal pressures of adolescence.
These and other challenges can often fuel substance use. For some using drugs and alcohol is not a casual occurrence when having fun. No, it is the way to deal with stress, anxiety, disappointment, abuse, or just boredom. For some, this has become their primary coping skill – it is how they deal.
This reliance on substances or other things did not happen overnight. However, now that it is becoming more and more a part of their daily life, it is become the primary way to be. What was once an occasional thing now is more like getting high three or more times a day; drinking was rare, but now it is 2 or 3 times a week. The medicine cabinet will do in a jam. There are cold pills, cough medicine, or some other more substantial options.
Video games and scrolling, which were once a fun way to spend time, have now become my escape from what is happening in my life. I can go to another place with other people and not be here. Pornography, gambling, or shopping give me that shot I need to feel ok with myself same as the gym or food. These things used to feel different, but now - its how I feel.
There is at least a sense that their drug and alcohol use, video game playing, online gambling, or pornography consumption has become something they need to address. It can be terrifying to imagine what steps might be necessary. The pain, disappointment, feeling sick, anxiety, and feelings of guilt, shame, and dread can become overwhelming. I need to change.
No way can I tell anyone! What if I get sent away, kicked off the team, or lose my scholarship? What are people going to think? I am too young to have a drug problem; it is just something I need to get a better handle on. No, that’s dumb. I have been trying to do that, and it is not working. No matter what I have done, things don’t seem to improve. Truthfully, it has gotten worse.
My grades suck. I am always getting into trouble. I have stolen from my parents, and my siblings, I even took money out of the collection plate at church when it went by. The scariest thing is not remembering what I did. I woke up trying to remember what happened the night before, not remembering how I got home. I drove the car. I think - I don’t remember….
These moments of clarity – these terrifying realizations when we can no longer pretend everything is okay – they're often what is called 'the gift of desperation.' I've sat with countless young people in my office who've described that exact moment when the fear of continuing became greater than the fear of reaching out. That's when change becomes possible.
See, here’s the thing. If you have a problem with something or if something is affecting your daily life, then you must deal with it. Either you come forward and ask for help, or you get caught doing something you should not be doing, and you lose the option to decide. Or worse, something happens That Can’t Be Fixed.
Talk with your parents, a coach, a school counselor, a youth pastor, or even search online for help with substance use. No matter what you do, act. Chances are that others have already noticed something is up with you and will be supportive. Most importantly, know that things don't have to stay the same, and you can change. You are not alone.
If this still seems too much, you can quietly try it on and see how it fits. You can attend an online support group like the one held by the beach recovery community. You can attend the beach meeting at the First Christian Church of the Beaches (Seagate and Ocean) at 630pm on Saturday evening. You can look up the CRC info online or read through the Recovery Campus E-zine. Look for books called Recovery Unplugged or Young Wild and Free. Or go online and look for Beaches YPG or Mandarin YPG.
I sat with a young man at the Recovery School wrestling with these questions just last week. He has been clean for six months but was terrified about applying to college. "What if they find out about my past?" he asked. He was afraid to finish school. He knew that when he did, he would have to “grow -up.” Moreover, he would lose his support system. We discussed how his recovery journey wasn't a liability but a testament to his strength and resilience.
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I informed him that many college campuses have programs called collegiate recovery communities (CRCs). These programs aim to create a safe and supportive environment for students who are trying to stay drug-free. CRCs offer sober dorms, sober parties, tailgating events, and a sense of community. Additionally, they often provide other benefits, such as early registration, tuition discounts, and in-state tuition, regardless of the student's residence status. As a counselor, I see this daily. It is challenging for kids to accept that they have a problem, and it is often almost impossible to understand the implications of that acceptance.
I remember sitting in my first recovery meeting at 20 years old, terrified of what the future might hold. The pressure of all the consequences I had to face and the thought of planning for tomorrow seemed impossible. Hell, I could barely handle today. But something remarkable happened in that room—I heard stories of hope, stories of people who sounded the way I wanted to feel. They seemed to have found their way through what I was experiencing.
Stigma, both internal and external, is real. It can be the most significant deterrent to young people seeking help, and this can be true for individuals, families, and whole communities.
In my work with Hispanic families in our community center, I've seen how cultural stigma can make these feelings even more intense. Many suffer in silence, believing they must carry their burden alone. To come forward can mean shame on their family on the one end and the fear of deportation or arrest on the other. Recovery need not be a public thing. It is a matter of personal decision, and the recovery process is designed to be anonymous for this reason. I tell every family that walks through our doors – that healing begins with breaking that silence.
There is a way out. It doesn't have to be this way, and you never have to feel this way again. How can I say that? I was once in your shoes, and someone was willing to show me how. I remember the Navy veteran who reached out to me during my darkest days, showing me that recovery was possible. After 3 decades of working in behavioral health, I've witnessed countless transformations that remind me daily of the power of hope and connection.
Remember, while we focus on living in the present, it's okay to hold hope for the future. That hope isn't about making grand proclamations – it's about taking small steps today that open doors for tomorrow. Whether you're a student at one of our recovery high schools or someone reading this who's struggling in silence, know that there's a community ready to walk alongside you on this journey. The future may feel uncertain, but you don't have to figure it out alone.
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