For the Recovering Perfectionist

As I sat down to write this article, I spun my wheels about the "perfect" topic to launch my LinkedIn newsletter. Remembering the mindset tools I am still practicing, I decided to scrap my original idea and be vulnerable about a topic close to my heart: perfectionism.

What is it?

Perfectionism is like that friend who shows up uninvited and overstays their welcome, but you hesitate to ask them to leave because you know they have good intentions...or so you think.

Perfectionism is a mindset characterized by the relentless pursuit of flawlessness and an unattainable standard of excellence across all areas of life.

Check in with yourself to see if any of these ring true for you:

• Setting excessively high standards for yourself and others
• Fear of failure or making mistakes
• Rigid thinking patterns - all or nothing
• High levels of stress, anxiety, and self-criticism

"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. It's a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from flight."— Brené Brown

Where did it come from?

Perfectionism stems from various factors, including upbringing, societal pressures, and past experiences.

Contributing factors include:

• Being overly praised for achievements
• Being constantly compared to others (i.e. siblings, peers, etc.)
• Receiving conditional love and approval based on performance
• Societal ideals of success and beauty
• Fear of judgment or rejection based on past experiences

How to battle it?

1. Reframe All-or-Nothing Thinking:

Mindset, Mindset, Mindset!

I cannot say this enough, your inner dialogue impacts how you experience the world. Notice when you are thinking in extremes -

"If I don't do this perfectly, I am a total failure"

Reframe these thoughts with a more balanced and realistic perspective -

"I am learning. I am growing. I am getting better. Making mistakes is part of the process."

PRO TIP: Try verbalizing the reframed thoughts to help solidify the truth in them.

APPLY IT: Last baseball season our son was hesitant when trying to catch the ball. We practiced at home and each time he missed the catch we would encourage him to say, "I am learning. I am growing. I am getting better. Making mistakes is part of the process". Now he confidently catches pop flies, quietly affirming those words to himself if he misses. My hope is that he uses this strategy to confront challenges in every area of his life.

2. Use ZOM:

The Zoom Out Method is a powerful tool for combating obsessive thoughts and gaining perspective.

When you notice yourself obsessing over something ask yourself the below questions -

• How am I going to feel about this tomorrow morning (or next week, next year, etc.)?
• Is this standard or expectation achievable and realistic?
• What is the cost of completing this to "perfection"?
• What is the worst-case scenario if things are not "perfect" to my standards? Can I handle it?
• What are the potential benefits of accepting imperfection in this situation?
• What would happen if I gave myself permission to let go of perfection and embrace progress instead?

PRO TIP: In between each question complete a set of box breaths to help recenter your nervous system and allow you to think clearly.

Box Breathing Steps:

1. Breathe in through your nose for four counts.
2. Hold your breath for four counts without inhaling or exhaling.
3. Slowly exhale through your mouth for four counts.
4. Wait for four seconds.
5. Repeat the steps at least three times.

APPLY IT: In my previous role, I spent months perfecting my Account Plans for senior leadership. Even after completing my slides, I endlessly tweaked formatting, phrasing, and answers. Despite finishing early, I edited until the last minute, never satisfied. Now using the questions above, I can complete tasks without being paralyzed by perfection. "What is the cost of perfection?" For me, it is usually time—time I would rather spend with my family or driving ROI for my business. The cost of perfection is too high for my future goals.

3. Practice Intentional Imperfection

GASP - If your heart sunk to the floor reading that then keep reading.

In Japan, the concept of "Wabi Sabi" has been cherished in art since the 16th century. It emphasizes intentional imperfections, asymmetry, roughness, and simplicity, while celebrating the genuine authenticity of natural objects.

What intentional imperfection looks like in business:

• Product Development - Instead of striving for absolute perfection, businesses can opt for minimum viable products (MVPs) that meet essential needs and allow for adjustments based on customer feedback. This approach speeds up time-to-market and supports continuous improvement.
• Customer Experience - Acknowledging imperfections can humanize the business and strengthen relationships. Transparency about limitations, prompt issue resolution, and open communication with customers can enhance trust and loyalty.
• Corporate Culture - Emphasizing authenticity over perfection fosters an environment where employees feel at ease sharing ideas. Recognizing efforts, regardless of outcomes, encourages continuous learning and growth.
• Innovation - Allowing room for trial and error can lead to breakthrough ideas that might otherwise go undiscovered in pursuit of flawless execution.

APPLY IT: I used to get frustrated by company shortcomings, especially when they affected my clients. It is never easy to admit mistakes or limitations, but it is inevitable because we are all human and systems have their limits. A former manager gave me valuable advice on how to approach these situations differently. Instead of framing it as a "difficult discussion," she suggested reframing it as a "partnership discussion." This change in perspective enabled me to openly address imperfections, enhancing my credibility through honesty about our limitations rather than pretending to be flawless.

As you journey through life, remember that true fulfillment comes from connection, not perfection. In a world focused on external achievements, it's important to recognize your value beyond accomplishments. Your worth isn't measured by accolades or milestones, but by the kindness you offer, the empathy you demonstrate, and the relationships you nurture. Embrace imperfection, cherish meaningful connections, and know that you're inherently valuable just as you are.

To your next big move!