A Recovering Introvert’s Look at How we Let Hardships Define Us

I have often heard, “well they have had a hard life” and phrases similar to it, used as a means to justify everything from a person’s behavior to why they have lost forward momentum. There are many setbacks faced in this journey of life, I am not comfortable, and never will be comfortable, using them as excuses. Instead, they should be used as fuel.  

Let’s talk about the ability to create fuel versus the many opportunities to stall and allow ourselves to become stagnant and lose focus. 

Stalling

Life has this way of creating barriers. Some of us have faced earth shattering tsunami sized barriers, while others may have only faced miniscule pebbles blocking our paths. The truth is, that they all matter. Regardless all barriers create an opportunity. That might sound funny…they create an opportunity? Yes! They create the opportunity to learn and adapt. 

Let me back up a bit, don’t think that it doesn’t mean that you can’t take a moment to wallow. When faced with roadblocks sometimes we all need that time it takes to let the grief, failure, or whatever it may be sink in. Acknowledge what is or has happened before we see through it. 

The point here is to eventually see our way through or around.  

Some of these stalls take longer than others. That’s okay. Give yourself a break, but don’t give up. There is a drastic difference between slowing down to reassess and stopping.  

Fueling 

When we are cognizant of the challenges that make us take a pause, it becomes that much easier to learn how to use them. I used to think that failure was a negative. I allowed it to consume me and I would focus on that. It took a lot of work to see the opportunity in it, to see the advantages it gave me. Now I am proud to say I have failed many times. It means that I took chances, that I was brave, that I tried something new. 

How does this play into the unavoidable? 

It teaches you that those instances can be turned into wins too.  

Reality check

I know, I know, it all sounds great. Let me share a little more about myself to prove that I put it to practice. Right now, I look pretty good on paper. I have multiple degrees and a job where I get to help make a change. I have a beautiful family and live in an affluent neighborhood.  

I joined the military at 25 because I was drowning in student loans, I had my first daughter, and I was in a failing marriage. When I was 26, I was stationed in England, had my second daughter and was heading to Afghanistan. Two deployments and 5 years later I was going through a divorce, transitioning out of the military and I still wasn’t any closer to my goal of finishing my degree. It was as good a time as any to wallow and I gave myself the moment to do so. I also had to learn, at this point, to look at the opportunities… 

I was free from an abusive marriage and I had my G.I. Bill. I met my now husband who gave me the room I needed and allowed me to grow. I spent the next 6 years in school and came out the other end finally having reached my educational goals and then some. I found work that I love and organizations that I am passionate about. 

Digging Deeper 

Networking has become the most important word in my vocabulary through all this. I now consider myself to be a recovering introvert. I didn’t realize the power that making meaningful connections could have. 

What that looked like for me…I was finishing my first master’s degree and wanted to find a job that I could be passionate about. I was living in Texas, where my husband was stationed as active-duty Air Force. Another military spouse that I knew had just started a new job and she mentioned that they might be hiring. She worked for the local Chamber of Commerce. I am not ashamed to admit that I had no idea what a Chamber even was!

I applied online but felt that in person would be better, so I showed up with my resume only to find that the CEO was out of town. The old me probably would have left it at that. However, the new me had recently experienced, what I considered to be an earth-shattering loss, my mom had just lost her battle with cancer, and I was feeling that life was just too short.  I continued to email the CEO and after some back and forth he agreed to meet me. He stated that he wasn’t sure what the budget was going to look like to fill the role, but we met to discuss my experience and what his vision was.

What came of that? 

We created a role based on what the CEO was hoping to incorporate into the Chamber and my skill set. Over a three and half year span we worked together to accomplish so much. I expanded my knowledge on Chambers and in Economic Development. It also led to another master’s that focused on community planning and economic development. 

Where Am I Now

I reluctantly left my job at the Chamber when my husband retired, and we decided to make Utah our home. Like many military spouses I found myself, once again, trying to define what I wanted to do with my career. 

It took 6 months and a few jobs in between to find my place with Hiring Our Heroes. An organization that is allowing me to put to use my economic development background and my passion for helping our veterans and military spouses. 

I don’t mind that my life could be a book full of failures and wrong turns, because for each one I worked to find the positive opportunities and the fuel to break down barriers. My hardships have defined me for the better.