Reconciling Your Past: A Cornerstone for Building an Enduring Future – Part 1

This article forms part of the Human Capital Mastery publications: Personal Mastery.?This three-part reflection is dedicated to all who shared in the adventures of my first 20 years.?I have listed some first names, however, should yours not appear in the writing, please accept my sincerest apology.?The musical experience in my heart, while writing this first article, is Time by Hans Zimmer, from the Inception soundtrack.

TIME – A concept that we all know and comprehend, yet most of us will find it difficult to explain what it is.? Since I began teaching on the subject of worldview, almost two decades ago, I have continuously asked my students to explain their understanding of this construct.? Few have ever made any real progress in their initial attempts to provide a comprehensive response.? Fortunately, there is quite a simple reason for this challenge.? As a basic building block of our perception of reality, time is considered and perceived differently from the variety of worldview approaches.?

However, the purpose of this writing is not to get all philosophical on my readers.? I merely want to state that I have always been fascinated by the concept of time for as long as I can remember.? The first science book that I ever read as a kid was one of my dad’s books on Michelson, the speed of light and time.? At primary school, I even had a life slogan, a 4x4 created icon: ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

Time has been pressuring me to write this three-part series since the conclusion of 2018.?Even though the mental narrative continued to grow I kept on delaying the inevitable.? A few weeks ago, while cooking supper for the family, I was contemplating the immortalised words of Captains Kirk and Picard from the Star Trek franchise, “Space, the final frontier.”? I stood there thinking, you got it wrong.? Not space, but time! ?Less than a week later the teaser trailer for the second season of Star Trek: Picard released with the following voice-over:

“The true final frontier is time.? Time can even turn our most impulsive, our most ill-considered actions, into history. ?What we do in a crisis often weighs on us less heavily than what we wish we have done… What could have been.? Time offers so many opportunities, but never second chances.” ?Jean-Luc Picard – Star Trek: Picard Season 2 Official Teaser.?

I knew it was time to start writing!

Why a Reconciled Past

Though I see myself as a global citizen, my worldview is predominantly Western, with a hint of African in it. ?I do not claim to understand the African worldview, even though I was born and have lived in Africa for most of my life.? However, there are some aspects I have come to appreciate.? As with most Western worldviews, my perspective is strongly future-orientated (the purpose for writing this series will make this point evident).? The bit of African inside of me helps to draw focus towards the past, enabling me to build life-giving bridges between the two realities.

Practically, if I am to fully explore my current 20-year life phase, I must first reconcile and integrate my initial two 20-year life periods successfully.? Refle shared this view when stating, “He who is aware of his own history, who accepts and embraces it, can really fully enjoy his present and plan his future in a meaningful way.”? This implies that in as much as I need to build on some personal experiences, I also need to stop and let go of some aspects, and allow healing and forgiveness of painful memories to occur.

Let me perhaps state for the record that, unlike many psycho-therapeutic practices, I do not dwell on the past, but that I leverage it towards the future.? As a mentor of mine – Pieter de Villiers once said, “Open the wound, clean it, stitch it, and then leave it to heal!”? Dwelling on the past will not change anything except perhaps to reinforce negative neuro-pathways.? It is the future that we need to craft and shape whilst in the present moment!

Taking a Stab at High School

On a Sunday afternoon during November 2019, I drove to Vaal Triangle, a region of the country where I grew up.? I was scheduled to stay over with my father for the evening before consulting at a local university the next day. ?While on my way I decided to drive to the next town of Sasolburg where I attended high school, to take a long run through the old neighbourhoods.? I had not been to Sasolburg since I picked up my matric certificate more than 20 years before.

The experience was quite disturbing.? Very little had changed over all the years, apart from the fact that everything had just fallen apart.? The inability of the current democratically elected local government to improve the status quo was overwhelmingly evident compared with how the place presented during my school days.? I again realised that without righteous leadership and governance, no meaningful sustained progress could be achieved.

For about 2-hours, I ran through the Green Lanes, passed by the old hangouts, visited the then homes of my friends. ?Finally, I checked out my old school hostel and the school itself.? So many good, challenging and bad memories were stored up there.?Names and faces came flooding to my mind: Colin, Lourens, Riaan, Marcel, Jacques, David, Shaun, Ruan, Wouter, Nell, Theron, Jaco, Stephan, Wynand, JP, Theo to name but a few (and that does not even include the girls).

Identifying Your Root-Cause for Suffering

Two things, in particular, evoked strong emotional responses.? Passing by my old hostel, I realised what an utter misfit I was to the school system (as far as public schools go, I actually had a good one), let alone life in boarding school.? For a long time, it was a dreadful and despised memory (I intentionally did not even attend my 10-year reunion!)? More recently I became acquainted with the Shadowmatch system in which I persistently scored in the lowest category for routine behaviour.? Most schools are practically built on a system of routine, especially life in a hostel where a bell told you every few minutes what to do from 06:00 in the morning till bedtime at 22:00.?

How I remained sane was an absolute miracle as the system had drained the life out of me.? One such remarkable reference was a note that my Biology teacher wrote on my mid-year report card, “Nog ‘n bietjie slapies, nog ‘n bietjie sluimer, en ons groot totaal word al hoe kleiner” (Google translator will not do this one justice).? Even the Principal appended his signature against the statement!? The story became even more ironic. ?When I completed my Standard 9 (Grade 11) year aptitude tests, the career guidance teacher informed me that I could do pretty much anything, but never to work with people or any form of academic and literature related work.? So it turned out that these two components became significant building blocks to my life’s calling, yet it would take many more years before I finally discovered my true motivational environments.

In the meantime, I had to find coping mechanisms, such as learning how to covertly break most of the (routine) rules, indulge in sport outside of normal practice hours, regularly visiting my cousin in the open country spaces of the Northern Cape, travelling all over the Vaal with my motorcycle, etc.? I once packed my big blue suitcase and walked across town to stay for a couple of days with my best friend at the time, Stephan. What I discovered was that no amount of coping mechanism or escapism would ever bring healing.? Every person requires a mental frame of restoration based on forgiveness and letting go of the past. ?Donders writes in his book on resilience, “Forgiveness is not an easy trick. ?It is not a trick at all. ?Most of all you need strength and courage to forgive, to let go of your brokenness.”? But more on this topic in the final article of the series.

The problem with frustration and pain is that you can easily be fully absorbed that you fail to appreciate how valuable the experiences can be - my spiritual formation (especially at the local Hatfield Christian Church), an unshakable foundation of purity and holiness from most common peer pressures,?friendships, hiking with my dad (including Mt Kilimanjaro), sport (the Body Shop gym in particular and the Midmar mile), the public swimming pool, school adventures, culture and sports tours, Die Gat Café (I am still convinced that we bought horse meat burgers, but hell, as a teenage hostel dog you would practically eat anything that looked like meat), science conventions, Coney Island’s video arcade games, etc.?

Question, what were some of the great things in your life that may require gratitude again, today?

Always Conclude what you Started

The second emotional trigger was passing by my old school.? I remember standing next to it while overlooking the grounds from a little elevated section.? It was at this point when I became aware of the Lord’s presence, probing at the dream and desires I had set for my future during those years.? At that moment I came to the startling realisation, that at the age of 40 I had accomplished just about every single goal that I had set for my life while I was in school (something that I shared in quite a lot of detail on my 40th birthday party 3 months later: Become a God-fearing man, marry a virtuous woman, father an amazing son and daughter, graduate from university, study over-seas, obtain a Ph.D., be actively involved in ministry, stay in Edinburgh, travel the world, participate in endurance events such as the Comrades Marathon, own a rifle and go hunting, regularly spend time in nature, build an appreciative and life-giving tribe, influence and raise many young Spirit-filled leaders, begin to build a Christ-centred institute of higher learning, etc).? Even today I am still partly shocked by this reality, yet at the same time immensely grateful.

A final aspect that caught my attention was that there was one part of the town that I did not run through. ?This was where our “enemy” school – the Technical High School of Sasolburg was located.? The only reason for this was that their presence never phased me at all.? It was outside of my framework, hence I had no reason to wander down a path that was not relevant to me.

This moment of insight was quite profound. ?How many times did Aslan, the Lion in The Chronicles of Narnia remind the main characters not to worry about the paths they did not take, as those options were now forever out of their reach.? Yes, you can always make new choices in the future, but never change a single moment in the past (See Captain Picard’s voice-over again in the introduction section).? And no amount of worry or self-pity will constructively contribute to it.? The truth lies in successfully concluding the paths you did decide to take in life!

Concluding Thoughts

Many people ask how I accomplished most of my first 20-year life goals within the second 20-year period.? My current reasoning is as follows:

1. Growing up in South Africa’s industrial mecca certainly limited my exposure to life and possibilities.? Yes, my parents did exceptionally well to give me as much exposure as possible, yet the extent of my dreams was quite limited.? This is something that the Lord highlighted to me several years later (see my 6th point).
2. Since the start of my adult journey, I have always focused on being significant and not merely successful.? For me, success was measured by the degree to which I added significance.
3. I have always lived my life with exceptional intentionality, and as Schwarzenegger once stated in one of his famous speeches – “I worked my ass off!”
4. I never left anything to chance and always made sure that I concluded every single aspect that I set out to do in life, irrespective of the outcome or inherent challenges.
5. To achieve especially points 3 and 4, I had to learn how to regulate my energy levels and grow in resilience.? This required a lifetime commitment to continuous personal learning and development.
6. Finally, and certainly the most critical point of them all, on the 24th of February 2002, I conceded to an 11-year debate with the Lord to hand over my dream of becoming a Chemical Pathologist.? For those who don’t know the account of what transpired on that Sunday evening, it boils down to the fact that He can do more through my life than I could ever imagine.? Paul stated this so clearly in 1 Corinthians 2:9 that, “No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, nor has it entered into the thoughts of man, the things which God has prepared for those who love Him!”? I realised that where my dreams ended was merely the place where His promises over my life and calling begin.

So as I finished my run in Sasolburg, I felt an intense release for that specific reference of my past.? I had taken with me what I would require for the road ahead, but soon realised that there was more to be done concerning the greater Vaal Triangle. ?The narrative will continue…

Post Script

This article is the first in a three-part series that forms part of the Human Capital Mastery publications: Personal Mastery.?The focus of personal mastery is to stimulate a state of mindfulness for the reader while equipping them with some proven tools for increased life fulfilment, efficiency and holistic health. ?For more information, please contact the author, Dr. Marcel Hattingh, at [email protected] / +27 (0)83 608 7139, or any of CCI Professional’s consultant team members.?Additional references include:

• ?Donders, P. (2015). Resilience: Living healthier, perform better. Netherlands: Uitgeverij De Barbaar.

All images used were taken from Canva.com, unless stated otherwise.