Recognizing that Women are Freaking Heroes

TL;DR: Women are freaking heroes. 

To all the ladies out there,

I got emotional from looking at a swimwear magazine today. It wasn’t really just from the magazine, but I had to laugh because that’s what set me off. 

The company is called SummerSalt, and they offer swimwear in sizes 0-24. I noticed a beautiful, curvy woman on the front so I thought I’d open it open and check out what they have. Across the pages was a HUGE range of different sizes, shapes, and stories. There was a mom holding her baby, a woman with full-body tattoos, a woman with prosthesis on both legs starting at her thighs, and the one that really got me - a woman with down syndrome. Next to her picture was a caption identifying her as Chelsea Werner and a quote: “I am a gold medal gymnast, model, and a world champion.” This is where I lost my shit.

Chelsea overcame so much, most notably the muscle tone issues that come with down syndrome, to accomplish all that. Wow. It’s truly incredible and so inspiring. To be clear, I know SummerSalt is not the first brand to do this, and I know it’s an overall movement - and I love it.

So why did it make me cry, and were they tears of joy or tears of sorrow? Honestly, I think it was both. 

They were tears of joy because Chelsea’s story is so incredible, and because I felt so happy to see this magazine reflecting what women really look like. I loved how they shared a little about who they are as people. I loved that they didn’t portray the models as sex objects. I loved that they didn’t select all models with perfect bodies, there to make you feel bad about yourself and sell bikinis. 

Born in 1986, I’ve grown up in the shadow of Britney Spears’ perfect midriff, anorexia being on-trend, and my own struggle with perfectionism. To sum it up, despite numerous accomplishments, I’ve always had difficulty accepting myself as “enough.” Now solidly in my mid 30’s (I turn 35 next month!), I am thankful to have gained at least some of the perspective, maturity, and confidence that come along with age. I’d be lying if I said anxiety and self-doubt weren’t a constant challenge for me, though.

I am so happy to see our culture “swinging the other way” on a number of things. 

1. Being able to talk openly about mental health without being viewed as “broken” or abnormal is HUGE progress for us as a society.
2. Moving away from plastering perfect models all over everything is great. I certainly feel the impact those advertising practices had on me and my body image. Especially since the advent of technology that enabled marketers to photoshop out all imperfections, leaving the general public to compare themselves to this ideal that didn’t really exist in real life.
3. We are shifting our values as a culture away from competition and towards collaboration. Away from perfection and towards acceptance. Away from exclusion and towards inclusion. Away from hate and towards love.
4. We recognize the challenges women and minorities face on a daily basis and we’re trying to change things and break the glass ceiling.

I feel and see these things in the people I surround myself with. I don’t know if I can say the same for our country on the whole. If confusion, anger, hate, divisiveness, and struggle could be measured and tracked, I’d suspect we’re at an all-time high. It’s always been there, but the pandemic has really thrown gasoline on the fire.

I know things will get better. I see progress. I feel that our collective “ship” is heading in the right direction. But sometimes, I cry when I look at a swimwear magazine.

I cried tears of sorrow because women’s progress has taken a huge hit in so many ways at this moment in time. I cried for the women who had to make the difficult decision to leave their careers to stay home to care for children when schools and daycares closed. I cried because I am drained and empty. I cried because I am overworked, underappreciated, and just plain tired - physically and emotionally. I cried because almost every single one of my "mom" friends is struggling and feels pretty much exactly the same way I do.

I cried because this article says that female workforce participation has dropped to 57%, which is the lowest level since 1988. I cried because it says that women may not recover to pre-pandemic employment levels until 2024 - two full years after men. I cried because I’ve seen us come so far, only to be shoved back down by a horrible virus that closed down the world and killed millions of people.

Even if we get back to pre-pandemic employment numbers, this max exodus of female talent from the workforce is going to have so many indirect, unintended consequences. Loss of diversity of thought and opinion, for sure. Most detrimental, though, is the impact on the pipeline of female talent for executive roles, the c-suite, and boards. How many years will it set us back that now so many women are at home caring for kids while men are continuing to prove themselves and work towards those high-level jobs?

Women’s progress, man. It’s a whole thing.

I founded my business 5 years ago for a number of reasons, but a big one was because I saw a lack of part-time, flexible jobs at the executive and senior professional level. I saw an opportunity to create those jobs for people (of any gender!) who need or want flexibility, but still want to leverage the talents they’ve developed and work on meaningful projects. I also saw an opportunity to apply technology and a different pricing strategy to the recruiting industry in a way that would work better for clients and for the agency. I was right. It’s working, and we’re growing, and I can proudly say I’ve built a thriving, high-growth potential business. But it didn’t come at a cost.

I’ve shed a lot of tears and had many sleepless nights. I lie awake at night wondering if I’m doing the right things for my kids, for my husband, for my team members, for my clients, and for myself. It’s a constant struggle. It’s a push and a pull for balance. It’s a truly epic battle with no clear end in sight. 

I know I’m not alone, and I know in fact, that my feelings and story are much more the "norm" than the exception, unfortunately. The fact of the matter is we can’t “have it all” without equality, and especially the full support of husbands and dads to play their role in childcare. I write this to share that even for someone like me, who probably appears to be “killing it” and has it all together, it is a struggle. 

You are not alone. You are smart, strong, and beautiful. If things are tough, know that it will pass and you will get through this. Know that you are accomplishing things on a daily basis that deserve national award show level recognition! Know that it’s OK to feel sad, angry, or stressed. Know that you can do it. 

Most importantly, remember that you’re a freaking hero.

With love, and an open heart and mind,

Amy

Amy Fallucca, based in Milwaukee, WI, is a wife and mom of two children, Demond (5) and Gabriella (16 months), plus two dogs Charlie (10) and Maggie (8)! Amy runs 3 successful businesses: Bravent LLC (HR & Recruitment Consulting), Astor Holdings LLC (Short-Term Rental Property Management), and Comfyist LLC (Innovative Basic Apparel for Women). Amy is an advocate for women's progress, diversity, and inclusion. In her nonexistent free time, Amy enjoys trying new things, listening to business & personal/professional development audiobooks, cooking, adult beverages, running, cycling, travel, and dining out.

You can connect with Amy on LinkedIn and view more articles like this on her blog: www.thingsyouwontregret.com.

Sources / Credits: 

• https://www.summersalt.com/ 
• https://fortune.com/2021/02/13/covid-19-women-workforce-unemployment-gender-gap-recovery/