Recognizing the Unconscious Rules That Shape Our Lives: A Pathway to Inclusive

We all operate under a set of guidelines and norms, many of which we may not even be aware of. These 'unconscious rules' or 'hidden scripts' govern our behaviors, decisions, and interactions, often serving as a lens through which we see the world. While these rules may sometimes be helpful, they can also act as barriers to personal growth, authentic relationships, and inclusivity in diverse communities. In this article, I'll delve into what these unconscious rules are, how they manifest, and why understanding them is crucial for creating more inclusive environments.

What Are Unconscious Rules?

Unconscious rules are mental frameworks that people follow without explicit awareness. They can stem from a variety of sources such as cultural norms, family upbringing, societal messages, or past experiences. These rules manifest in several ways, from interpersonal relationships to work ethics and even our self-view. Here are some examples of unconscious rules that might sound familiar:

Social and Interpersonal

• Respect Authority: A predisposition to trust or obey figures in positions of authority.
• Don't Show Weakness: Suppressing emotional vulnerability as a perceived sign of weakness.

Decision-making

• Status Quo Bias: An inclination for maintaining things as they are.
• Social Proof: The rule that if others are doing it, it must be right.

Work and Professional

• Work Over Life: Prioritizing professional success over personal well-being.
• Never Say No: An inability to decline opportunities or tasks at work.

The Impact of Unconscious Rules on Inclusivity

Understanding these unconscious rules is vital when discussing diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). These hidden scripts often feed into systemic biases and prejudices, shaping how we interact with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. They can inadvertently contribute to a culture of exclusion, perpetuating stereotypes and marginalizing minority groups.

For example, the rule of 'respecting authority' might perpetuate hierarchical structures that exclude or disempower certain individuals or groups. Similarly, norms about 'gender-appropriate behavior' can restrict opportunities and reinforce gender disparities.

The Pathway to Change: Self-Awareness and Empathy

Becoming aware of these unconscious rules requires a high level of introspection and a willingness to question our deeply ingrained beliefs and assumptions. Here are some steps to start the process:

1. Self-Awareness: Regularly take time to examine your behaviors, decisions, and interactions. Look for patterns that might suggest underlying rules.
2. Seek Feedback: Engage in open dialogues with trusted colleagues or mentors who can provide an external perspective on your actions and choices.
3. Active De-biasing: Once identified, actively work on challenging these rules. Employ strategies like 'perspective-taking,' which involves placing oneself in another person's situation to understand their experiences better.
4. Promote Empathy: Use your newfound awareness to be more empathetic in your interactions. Empathy can serve as a counterweight to unconscious bias, leading to more inclusive and equitable environments.

Conclusion

While we may never entirely free ourselves from the influence of unconscious rules, the goal is to become aware of them and mitigate their impact. This self-awareness is not just an exercise in personal growth but is essential for leaders and individuals committed to fostering inclusivity and equity in their communities. In challenging our unconscious rules, we take an important step towards a more inclusive world where diversity is not just tolerated but celebrated.

About the Author

Cecilia Stanton Adams is a sociologist, entrepreneur, and visionary, committed to creating a more inclusive world. As CEO of The Diversity Institute, Cecilia has filled the void in mentorship and development in DEI leadership with her comprehensive course, "The Art & Science of DEI."