Recognizing the Arsonist Within

Are You Getting in Your Own Way?

Welcome back to another edition of Cultivate Leadership. Today we take a turn into the mess that be our story.

When things start falling apart at work, we usually look at the people around us. Maybe we blame the team, the system, or the circumstances. But what if the biggest obstacle isn’t “out there”? What if the real fire starter—the one lighting all the flames—is actually you?

We all have an “arsonist” inside us. It's that part of ourselves that shows up when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or feeling out of control. It’s the habits, fears, and reactions that sabotage our own efforts. Recognizing that side of yourself is the first step toward becoming a more effective leader. And trust me, it’s something we all need to do.

Step One: Look in the Mirror

We don’t always realize the damage we’re causing. The arsonist doesn’t announce itself. Instead, it sneaks in through small actions—like micromanaging, snapping at team members, or avoiding hard conversations.

It’s easy to think the problem is with others. But leadership isn’t just about managing your team; it’s about controlling yourself. When things go wrong, the first question is, “How did I contribute to this?” It’s not about beating yourself up—it’s about owning your role in the mess. That’s where real growth starts.

Step Two: Own Your Flames

Once you recognize your arsonist, it’s time to take responsibility. The truth is, we all have blind spots. We all do things that slow progress down. Maybe it’s an unwillingness to let go of control or avoid conflict until the problem explodes.

Owning your part in this isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. Your team will respect you more when they see you holding yourself accountable. And when you set the example of personal responsibility, others are more likely to follow.

Step Three: Put Out the Fire

So, how do you stop the arsonist from burning things down? Here’s how to start:

• Get real with yourself: Take an honest look at how you lead. Are you creating obstacles without realizing it? Reflection is hard, but it's necessary.
• Ask for feedback: Ask your team how you’re doing. It’s tough to hear sometimes, but feedback from others can be a mirror that shows you what you can’t see.
• Make small changes: Make minor adjustments once you spot the problem. Maybe it’s delegating more or listening more before reacting. Whatever it is, commit to doing things differently.
• Stay accountable: Find someone who can hold you accountable. It could be a coach, mentor, or trusted colleague. Sharing your goals with someone else makes you more likely to stick to them.

The Power of Being Real

Here’s the thing: The real you matters. Your team doesn’t need a perfect leader—they need a real one. And being real means admitting when you’re wrong, owning your mistakes, and doing the hard work to get better.

When you show up as yourself—flaws and all—you create an atmosphere of trust. Your team will feel safer, more connected, and more willing to bring their full selves to work. That’s where real teamwork happens.

Self-Reflection Questions

• What habits do I have that might be holding my team back?
• When was the last time I asked for feedback—and actually listened to it?
• What’s one thing I can change today to improve how I lead?
• How can I show my team that I can grow as a leader?

Featured Resource

Book: "The Obstacle Is the Way" by Ryan Holiday Amazon

This book is a powerful guide on how to turn challenges and setbacks into opportunities for growth. Based on the principles of Stoicism, it teaches leaders how to recognize internal and external obstacles as stepping stones to success. It's a great read for leaders who want to face their inner challenges head-on and come out stronger.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing the arsonist within is about getting real with yourself. We all have habits that get in the way of success, but the leaders who take the time to reflect and grow are the ones who make the honest impact. Remember, leadership isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, owning your actions, and doing the work to improve.

What are you going to do about it?

This week, pick one habit you know is getting in your way as a leader. Please share it with someone you trust and commit to making one small change. It doesn’t have to be a massive overhaul—just one shift in the right direction can make all the difference.

How Can We Work Together?

At True North Consulting, we believe the real you matters. Many leaders feel stuck and lose the joy that leadership should bring. But real leadership comes from being your true self, built on trust and heart. We help you rebuild that trust, find your passion again, and lead with purpose.

Whether you're facing problems at work or trying to balance your life at home, we're here to help you lead with confidence and joy.

DISC Assessments

Is your team working well together? Our DISC assessments help you learn more about how you and your team work. It’s more than just understanding your leadership style—it’s about building a team that’s strong and works together better.

Workshops

Have you forgotten why you wanted to lead? Our workshops help you reconnect with your purpose and rebuild the trust that makes leadership strong. We give you simple tools to create a team that’s honest, brave, and ready to solve problems. You'll leave ready to face the week with energy and confidence.

1:1 Coaching

Feeling alone as a leader? Our coaching sessions help you work through your challenges and find joy in leading again. We focus on rebuilding trust with yourself and your team, so you can make better decisions and feel excited about your work again.

Keynote Speaking

Want to inspire your team? Our keynote speeches are designed to give leaders new energy and ideas. We share real-life stories and tips that help your team build trust, passion, and work together better. We can speak in person or virtually, perfect for conferences or events.

The True North Transformation

True leadership is about being honest and taking responsibility. We help you lead with your whole self, feeling alive and connected. Our goal is to help you build a legacy that impacts not just your team, but your community.

Are you ready to lead with heart and trust? You can start your journey with True North Consulting today.

Let’s Talk

Upcoming Events

Cultivate Leadership Workshop

Secure Your Spot Now – Limited to 50 Participants!

Cultivate Leadership Workshop | Rock County Airport | Janesville, WI

September 17th | 8:30 AM - 3:30 PM | Lunch Included

?? Use code "newsletter" for $75 dollars off ??

Visit benkilloy.com/intensive - Make your leadership count – see you on the 17th!

P.S. What are your thoughts on this week’s topic? I’d love to hear from you. Share your insights and experiences by replying to this email or commenting on my latest LinkedIn post. Let’s keep the conversation going!