Reclaiming Your Self-Worth: A November Reflection

How often do we pause, not to think about the next big goal, but to appreciate the journey so far?

In my work conducting career sessions and through my personal experience, I have observed that as professionals climb the career ladder, they often lose sight of three crucial things: where they started, the progress they have made and the incredible value they bring. Their accomplishments become mere checkboxes rather than celebrations of growth which distorts their view of success. ?

The self-worth theory explains this phenomenon well as it suggests that “an individual’s main priority in life is to find?self-acceptance?and that self-acceptance is often found through achievement” (Covington & Beery, 1976). Unfortunately, achievement is sometimes measured based on competition with others. As the saying goes, ‘comparison is the thief of joy’. If we are not careful, we use the wrong yardsticks to measure our self-worth and evaluate our unique paths.

What is Self-Worth?

Self-worth is defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as

“an individual’s evaluation of themself as a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration”.[1]?

The self-worth theory suggests that

“individuals are driven to succeed not only to reap the personal and social benefits of success, but also because success aggrandizes a reputation for one's ability to achieve; and if success becomes unlikely, one's first priority is to act in ways that minimize the implications of failure-namely, that one lacks ability [2].

When we do not see ourselves as worthy, invariably it blinds us to our growth and the possibilities that exist in the future. We may minimize our accomplishments and focus on “what's next” rather than “what’s now”. We may count ourselves out of opportunities that we are more than qualified for. ?It can influence our willingness to go after what we truly want, influence how people treat us and unwittingly lead us to a place of being stuck and frustrated. Ultimately, it can impact all aspects of our lives.

Do you see yourself as worthy?

Our friends and loved ones may see us as worthy, but it is our perspective of ourselves that truly counts. This reminds me of lines in Kenny Latimore’s song which says:

You don't know

All the beauty you possess inside

You just can't see what I see in you

And if you could see you Through my eyes

You'd see someone beautiful

On the inside and outside [3]

Whilst these lyrics were about romantic love, I apply them to this scenario as when I speak with others, I often see the strides they’re making on their journey and wish they could see it in themselves.

If your best friend described your achievements, what would they say about you? If you were to describe your achievements, what would you say about you?

Five things that shouldn’t determine your self-worth

According to Morin (2017), there are five things that should not determine how you value yourself. These include:

1)??? Your appearance

2)??? Your net worth

3)??? Who you know

4)??? What you do

5)??? What you achieve

If you are using solely these things as measurements, it can negatively affect the kind of life you live.

“Instead of chasing things that temporarily boost your self-esteem, measure your self-worth by who you are at your?core. Behave according to your values and?create a life of meaning and purpose.” (Morin, 2017)

What would change in your career if you stopped measuring your worth by these external factors?

Signs that you may be undervaluing yourself

Many of us don't realize we're diminishing our worth. There are stories that we tell ourselves that are simply not true. Here are common signs that you might be undervaluing yourself:

• You consistently downplay your achievements ("It was nothing special")
• You tell yourself you’re not good enough.?
• You avoid situations where you might fail.?
• You’re not taking care of yourself.
• You’re not expressing who you really are.
• You attribute your successes to luck rather than skill
• You hesitate to apply for positions unless you meet 100% of the requirements
• You accept additional work without appropriate recognition or compensation
• You find it difficult to speak up about your accomplishments during reviews
• You discount your experience because it came from a different industry
• You let others take credit for your ideas
• You struggle to accept compliments about your work
• You feel guilty about setting boundaries or saying "no"
• You apologize before sharing your ideas in meetings

Managing Self-Worth Can Be Essential for Career Success

Everyone experiences doubt at one time or another. We have the infamous issue of imposter syndrome. If not managed well it can lead you to lose self-confidence and see yourself as unworthy. I came across five tips that can help one to overcome self-doubt. These tips are so good that I am sharing them verbatim.

1. Give yourself credit.?Remember that even if you were 'lucky' to get the job you are in, you can’t stay in a job by luck alone. If you are being kept on, it is most likely because you are performing at or above expectations.
2. Remember that we all have doubts.?You can only see other people’s outsides, and you can only see your own insides. Remember that other people have doubts too, even if they look confident all the time.
3. Accept your limitations.?We can’t be perfect in all areas. Focus on your strengths and try to incrementally improve your weak areas — but don’t let the areas in which you might be a little behind kill your confidence as a whole.?
4. Embrace being different.?If you are not the same sex, color or age as other people in your position, that may feel like a disadvantage. But it can also be a positive differentiator. What new perspective do you bring that the others are not able to see??
5. Thank yourself.?Self-worth starts with a right-sized appraisal of yourself. Acknowledge your years of study, all the work you’ve done and the sacrifices you made to get where you are. You won’t feel 'less than' if you remember how hard you fought to get there in the first place. [4]

The November Challenge

We are two months away from the end of 2024. By December, we may start to think about new years resolutions and goals. I am going to challenge you in November to start your reflections. You can start with this simple exercise where you create three lists:

• What you've overcome
• Lives you've touched
• Skills you've mastered

Career success is often encouraged to be the ultimate life goal but there is more to life than that. We sometimes take things for granted as we are in the midst of the environment. However, if we take the time to pause and reflect on what we have done and are doing, we would see that we are really a big deal. As we prepare to enter the month of November, I encourage people to pause and celebrate where they are, acknowledging that they are a big deal. ?If you like affirmations, I have one for you from Jamaican artist Christopher Martin’s song ‘I’m a Big Deal’. Now, say these words after me:

I'm a big deal

Me and mi friend dem a big deal

Yeah, we're kinda important, for real.

This has nothing to do with money, or fame, or vanity.

This one is all about self-worth.

So, big up your chest and stand proud and don't matter 'bout nobody.

No man nuh more than no man 'pon this earth

So whether you walk, or you a drive car Nuh matter if you're White, or Black like tar From you feel good inna yourself, you a star

If you are not familiar with the Jamaican dialect, here is the English version:

I'm a big deal

Me and my friends, we're a big deal

Yeah, we're kinda important, for real

This isn't about money, fame, or vanity

This one's all about self-worth

So, hold your head high, stand proud, and don’t worry about anybody else

No one is better than anyone else on this earth

So whether you're walking or driving a car

It doesn't matter if you're White or Black as tar

If you feel good about yourself, you're a star [5]

Life is a journey, and yes, confidence ebbs and flows along the way. You don't have to wait for time to boost your self-worth – you can start reclaiming it today. Remind yourself that you're not just doing well, you're doing extraordinary things. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Your worth isn't determined by your achievements, but by who you are at your core.

Food for thought: When was the last time you truly paused to appreciate your career journey? Career success is often encouraged to be the ultimate life goal but there is more to life than that. Take the time to try the November challenge.

?

References

1. Self-worth - https://dictionary.apa.org/self-worth
2. Covington, M. V. (1984).?The Self-Worth Theory of Achievement Motivation: Findings and Implications. The Elementary School Journal, 85(1), 5–20.?doi:10.1086/461388
3. If you could see you through my eyes - https://genius.com/Kenny-lattimore-if-you-could-see-you-through-my-eyes-lyrics
4. Jankowska, Anna. 2021. How Managing Self-Worth Can Be Essential For Career Success. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbesbusinessdevelopmentcouncil/2021/09/22/how-managing-self-worth-can-be-essential-for-career-success/
5. I’m a big deal - https://genius.com/Christopher-martin-im-a-big-deal-lyrics
6. Houghton, J. 5 Signs You’re Undervaluing Yourself. https://www.juliehoughton.com/5-signs-youre-undervaluing-yourself/

Yolande Hylton is the Managing Director of Hylton Insights, an HR Consultancy Firm with a mandate to guide businesses from the transactional to the transformational HR realm, thereby enhancing individual and organizational performance. For inquiries or to learn more, you can reach out to [email protected] or visit www.hyltoninsights.com