Reclaiming My Name

I’ve been trying to write this for weeks.?

Part of me wanted to make it ultra-political and dive into the historical context. Part of me wanted to get super vulnerable and share pieces of me that I haven’t yet decided whether or not to make public or to keep to myself. And all of that seemed scary, and like a lot of work.?

What if I get the facts wrong?

What if I inadvertently tell someone else’s story, when that’s not my place at all?

So, instead, I’m just going to talk about it like I’ve been doing so in my “real life,” amongst my friends and those who love me.?

I’m changing my name.

As an act of liberation and a fuck-you to the patriarchy. Because carrying the name of a man is not something that interests me.

As an act of connection to my ancestors. Because my middle name is in honor of my maternal grandmother, so I’m honoring my maternal great-grandmother with a new last name.

As an act of reclamation of my own identity, after a bit of a “dark night of the soul” in the last few years.

And the fact is that I am not, nor have I ever been, the son of Jack.

So, please allow me to introduce myself.

Hi. I’m Keli Lyn Jewel.?

Reclaiming my name has not been a quick decision. Nor has it been an easy one. But it has been a very clear decision. Like, some of the most clarity I’ve ever experienced has been around this.?

It’s something I started considering over twenty years ago. But at the time, the desire came from spite and anger. I simply wanted to remove my last name but didn’t know what I wanted to change it to.?

And that old idea of running toward something, rather than running away from something kept coming up. I didn’t want to run away from the last name Jackson. Nor did I want to make such a decision from anger.?

So I kept it.?

But after a pretty life-altering situation took place last spring, I began embarking on a spiritual journey.

I’ve dabbled in a whole lot of shit. Some of it has been great. Some has been fine. And some of it has seemed like absolute nonsense.

But the one thing that became very clear very quickly is that I have to change my name. And after a while, what to change it TO also became clear.?

Again, I am not now, nor have I ever been, the son of Jack.

I am, however, the daughter of Shelley Marie; the granddaughter of Mary Lena; and the great-granddaughter of Thelma Jewel.?

If I have the details correct, my father technically chose my first and middle names, but my mother spelled them. And my middle name of Lyn is to honor my maternal grandmother’s middle name, Lena.?

There’s also a whole divine feminine piece to this within my spiritual work, because I’ve been drawn to both Lilith and Mary Magdelene since I was a child. Like, I bought a copy of the Gnostic Gospels when I was 14 or 15 at Walden Books in the shopping mall of the town where I grew up and was absolutely elated to get my hands on it, after well over a decade of questioning WTF the missing pieces were…before the internet was helpful with that.

And in doing some research into the names of the women in my maternal lineage, I ran across Lena as a shortened version of Magdalena. So, my maternal grandmother’s name was quite literally Mary Magdalena. Or, Mary Magdalen.?

I never met her. She passed away long before I was born. Though I was told by a psychic friend that she’s my guardian angel. And there are some eerie things that came up in that conversation.?

Well, that weekend, in Savannah, GA. And if you’ve not listened to my podcast on getting kicked out of a theater by a ghost, I highly recommend giving that a listen. It’s episode 111. Which is apparently an Angel Number, or something. And that was super not intentional.?

So anyway, I’m changing my name.?

My last name.?

Not to distance myself from my paternal family, but to reclaim my own identity.?

A reclamation from the patriarchal notion that a woman needs to be claimed by a man by carrying his name.?

Fuck that.?

A reclamation from the traditional concept of keeping a name that doesn’t really make sense to me, just because it’s what was handed to me by someone else when I was born.?

Fuck that.?

A reclamation from all of the socialization that’s been keeping me from doing it ever since I got super clear that this was what I needed to do in September of last year.?

Fuck that, too.?

Because my name gets to be mine.?

I get to foster a reclamation for myself with the name by which I am known. To myself. To you. To the world.?

Eventually, it’ll be a legal change. (And don’t worry. I’ll take you through that experience with me. Because that’s a whole process I don’t even know how to navigate yet. So why not share it, in case it’s useful — or even just entertaining — for you.)

For now, it’s a podcast declaration and a few social media accounts. As of February 20, it’ll also be my website domain. You’ll be able to find me at www.KeliLynJewel.com.?

Which, honestly, feels so much more aligned.