Reclaiming My Emotional Freedom
“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” — Michel de Montaigne
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I grew up with an overwhelming sense of emotional enmeshment, where my feelings were so deeply intertwined with my mother's that I couldn't tell where hers ended and mine began. From a young age, I was made to feel responsible for her happiness, absorbing her emotions as if they were my own. When she was sad, I felt it in my bones. When she was anxious, I wore that anxiety like a second skin. I didn’t just witness her depression—I internalized it, allowing it to seep into the very core of my being. For years, I believed it was my duty to carry her burdens, even at the expense of my own well-being.
But eventually, the weight became too much. I realized that no matter how much I tried, I could not fix her pain. And more importantly, it wasn’t my job to. Setting emotional boundaries was something I had never learned, but I began to understand that it was both necessary and transformative. These boundaries were not walls to keep my mother out, but bridges to help me reclaim my own emotional autonomy. By creating space between her emotions and mine, I was able to start recognizing which feelings belonged to me and which were hers. It was a painful but essential process.
For so long, I suppressed my own emotions, believing that expressing them would only hurt her more. I told myself that my sadness, anger, and frustration would be too much for her fragile state. So I buried those feelings deep, thinking I was protecting her. But in reality, I was harming myself. The pressure of holding it all in caused me to break down in unexpected ways, like the explosive outbursts at work or the overwhelming floods of emotion that would hit me when I least expected it.
The truth is, emotional suppression is like putting a lid on a boiling pot. Sooner or later, the steam has to escape, and when it does, it can be destructive. I learned that acknowledging and expressing my feelings isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for my emotional health. I began to see that my anger and resentment toward my mother, feelings I had tried to hide for years, were valid. I didn’t love her any less because of them, but I had to stop pretending they didn’t exist. Suppressing them only intensified the hurt.
My journey has been one of self-realization, of understanding that I am not responsible for my mother’s happiness. I am not her savior, nor am I required to be the “perfect daughter” who always says and does the right thing. This realization was a turning point in my life. For the first time, I allowed myself to be imperfect, to feel my own emotions without guilt. I began to separate my identity from hers, recognizing that we are two individuals, each responsible for our own emotional well-being.
As I established firm emotional boundaries, I found a new kind of empowerment. Protecting my own mental and emotional health became a priority, and with that came a renewed sense of self-respect. These boundaries have allowed me to nurture a healthier relationship with my mother, one where I can still love and support her, but without losing myself in the process. I no longer feel the need to carry the weight of her struggles on my shoulders.
Today, I stand firm in my conviction that I deserve emotional freedom. It’s not about shutting my mother out, but about allowing myself to live fully and authentically. I honor my feelings, both the light and the dark, because they are part of who I am. And in doing so, I have reclaimed my power, my autonomy, and my peace. This journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. It’s a journey of self-love, of setting boundaries, and of embracing the truth that I am enough just as I am.
You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness. Let that sink in for a moment, because for too long, you may have been carrying emotional weight that was never yours to bear. Growing up, you might have felt like it was your duty to absorb the pain of others—especially someone as important as your mother. You learned to suppress your own feelings, believing that doing so would somehow protect them. But let me tell you something: holding onto other people's emotions is like tying yourself to an anchor in the ocean—you'll drown if you don't cut that rope. It’s time to give yourself permission to release that burden and create the space you need to breathe, to feel, to be you. Establishing boundaries doesn’t make you unloving; it makes you healthy.
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Today, you can start a journey of self-empowerment by recognizing that your feelings matter, and they deserve to be heard. You are not here to fix others, to carry their sorrow, or to sacrifice your emotional well-being for anyone. It’s okay to set boundaries. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s necessary. You have the right to honor your emotions, to live with authenticity, and to pursue your own happiness. This isn’t about rejecting those you love; it’s about reclaiming your emotional freedom and stepping into your own power. The moment you start prioritizing your own mental and emotional health is the moment you begin living life on your terms. Take that step.
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OK Bo?tjan Dolin?ek
Find your passion. Show commitment. Learn from the journey. Think positively. Have fun!
3 周Wow! Thank you for writing this. It opened my eyes so much to my relationship with my own child whom I am estranged from.
Current Student of the Master in Creative Writing programme (University of Auckland, NZ), Print Journalist, Author, Freelance Journalist & Content Writer, Meditation Teacher and Certified Life & Wellness Coach (USA).
3 周Well said!!! And that's a vast understatement ?? Thank you so much for sharing this - God yes, for anyone whose empathy affects them deeply.
Project/Office Manager
4 周Makes sense!