Receiving 'Thanks' Can Be Hard

How do you react when someone says ‘thank you’ to you? Does it feel weird? Do you dismiss it? Do you reply with one of these responses?

• “It was no problem” even though it really was a bit of a chore...
• “Oh, don’t mention it” even though you really liked hearing it :)
• “You don’t need to thank me” when yes, they do!

Why do we suggest there is no need for thanks or helping someone wasn’t a problem when sometimes it really was?

We’ve all helped someone when we really didn’t want to. We’ve all said ‘yes’ when deep down we wanted to say ‘no’ because we’d have to push our needs to the side.?

How about those times you felt that saying ‘no’ wasn’t really an option?

?So why then, why do we push away the thank-you when it’s really deserved?

1. We don’t want to be in debt.?When someone says ‘thank-you’ and you don’t know or trust them, your brain goes into defence mode. You may question their motives and interpret the words as manipulative and controlling.
2. It’s better to give than to receive. Our upbringing, and even religion, tells us that it is selfish to receive, and acceptance brings too much attention to ourselves.
3. We prefer to remain distant. Receiving a thank you creates connection with another person. Dismissing a thank you can be an easy way to keep people distant and block potential relationships that might hurt in the future.
4. We don’t believe it’s deserved. It can feel boastful and narcissistic to acknowledge that we did something great and made an impact. Often, we’ll follow-up with something like, “Oh, I just got lucky” and minimize the contribution we made.
5. We just don’t know how to respond.?Let’s tackle this one…

How to respond to Thank You

Casual responses seem to be the go-to approach for many people.?“No problem,” “anytime,” “sure,” and “that’s what I’m here for,” come to mind.

These are not very meaningful and somewhat dismissive. If someone has made the effort to thank you, then at least put some effort into how you respond.

?Here's how:

1. Make the person feel you value their words. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate your thanks. It’s nice to hear.”
2. Tell them about the effort it required. Was it a pain? Tell them in a polite way such as "You’re welcome. It was a challenge to get done with the time crunch and I’m relieved we were able to rearrange priorities to get this done.”
3. Share how you value the relationship.?This isn’t about getting all touchy-feely (unless it is ??). Try something like, “I appreciate your business and look forward to partnering again in the future.”
4. Lastly, give at least some response.?It’s so easy to get distracted and quickly move on from someone else’s gratitude. At a minimum, say “You’re welcome”.

What's your default answer when a "thank-you" comes your way? Let me know in the comments below.

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