The Receiving End of Unconscious Bias: Two Perspectives

We have all been on the receiving end of unconscious bias. Whether we perceive these statements or actions as intentional or unintentional, they affect us the same way. After some time, these biases, or perceived attacks on our character, add up and trigger a flight or fight response. Majority of diversity and inclusion research, workshops, and discussions focus on the initiator, and how they need to become self-aware of their biases and change their behavior. Most of the time, those enduring the brunt of biases are not provided with best practices to confront initiators or cope with their own emotions about the incident. This in turn places immense pressure on minorities, especially at work, to have to be the guides for other’s inclusion journeys, while also being the passive recipient of even more biases actions, all with a smile.    

So, what should, and can you do when you are on the receiving end of unconscious

Here are two perspectives on how to deal with the reality of being a minority and having to deal with constant moments of unconscious bias.

Perspective One: Understanding Your Limits & Courage for Change

“That is a great idea!” The words everyone wants to hear from their boss, except once again this was addressed to my male colleague, who had refurbished my exact comment cutting out “what do you think” and adding “this is the only approach.” I could hear my heart beating. I could feel a wave of warmth flood my face. “I just said exactly the same thing!” I yelled across the table. Everyone turned and titled their heads, confused and alarmed by my “out of turn aggressive comment.” Alone this incident does not seem to warrant this reaction, however, what my colleagues didn’t realize was that I had experienced the same bias three times that day; this was my breaking point. I never thought I would react in this manner – it just came out! What was even more surprising to me was that I felt relieved afterwards.

In trainings on unconscious bias the initiator is told to do three things:

1.      Do your own personal work (self-awareness)

2.      Make Connection with others not like you

3.      Use your privilege to create equity for others

Now what struck me that day was that these principles that I had heard of multiple times should be applied to those impacted by biases as well. As minorities, it is not a question of “if,” but of “how often” we will confront biases. For this reason, we need to do our own work. We need to sit with ourselves and better understand our limits. For example, after the incident described, I realized that my threshold of not addressing biases placed against me as a woman would be by about 4 incidents in a single day. If I “gracefully” bit my tongue for one more incident, I would only feel worse about myself. I ran through characteristics of my identity that I knew could come under fire with biases and understood my thresholds: sexual orientation – 5 biases/day, race – 3 biases/day, etc. I then focused on step three, and realized that being faced with biases was a place of privilege. I had the opportunity in each scenario to use my voice to educate the counterparty with the hope of creating equity for the next minority.

As minorities constantly facing biases, we need to balance between taking care of ourselves and helping others. We must understand our limits so we can give ourselves the strength and permission to speak up, and we must assess the risk of staying silent. For staying silent is as damaging to our own character as it is to endure biased behavior.

Perspective Two: Managing Expectations & Emotions

I received my first leadership position in my mid-twenties. On my first day, I was met by my leader and four members of the store staff. As I preceded to introduce myself, “Hi, it is so ni..c..e….,” before I could finish my sentence the staff walked out, murmuring statements of how they would not put up with this change. My leader, only a few weeks into their role, was left in shock by this behavior, however, they quickly motioned for us to get to work setting goals and expectations for my team of four white men who had just stepped away. As I had always been expected to do, I worked at adopting hobbies and interests of those around me and inquire across differences. Sure, I would build relationships with each member, but at the cost of my own emotional equity as I continuously took microaggressions and biases with a smile. One year later, my team was ranked #1 in the region. Within days the Director hosted a meeting, starting with accolades of how my team’s moral was at an all-time high. Only to then proceed with how I would not be promoted because "it wasn't my time.” It took everything inside of me to hold back the sea of emotions rushing to my head. As a result of having to shut it ALL off, I just sat there in silence. That evening, when I didn’t have to put on a fa?ade of happiness, I began to cry profusely. That was when I knew I had to change my perspective and actions if I was going to survive in a structure that didn’t include anyone like me and didn’t value inclusive behavior. So, I adopted three practices to help me interrupt bias and survive until the next opportunity.

1.      Positive Self-talk: I would replace each negative comment about me with three positive statements in my head. I had proven I could do the job and now started to believe it.

2.      Remember the Big Picture: I saw the toxic environment and poor management as a learning ground—for how not to do things. I also reminded myself in the face of biases, that this position was a steppingstone for something greater.

3.      Sell Yourself: I learned this one the hard way; the only person that will sell you, is you! So, go sell your accomplishments - every project, role, and assignment.

In closing, while I commend those who are willing to help the unintended aggressor acknowledge their unconscious bias, as I once did, I praise those who apply their energy to themselves the most. As minorities, moments of recognition in our potential, strengths, or accomplishments are few. It is up to us to instill these affirmations in our lives so that when we face bias, we have the strength to contest, disagree, or explain our views to others, and most importantly to ourselves. 

Published by:

Dr. Terrence Underwood

Xochitl Ledesma