Receiving the Ball

This afternoon I had a telephone conversation with a family member who was extremely upset with someone, let’s call them John, who did not use the right tone while talking to them. John has had a lot on their plate, has not spoken to my family member in a while, used a very informal tone often used in the past (although they have not been in touch recently) and did not say the conventional things expected of them in that moment. My family member was extremely angry, upset and hurt and took a decision in that moment that would impact many things in the near future. This incident when recounted to me got me thinking…

Now, imagine you are a part of a sports team playing a match. You desperately want your team to win. You have very little time left and your team member throws you a ball. Based on the arc of the ball, you realize it will land much further away from you in a very hard to get to position. The outcome of the match and tournament depends on you catching that ball. You would...

...move fast towards it, jump, bend and twist your body and do whatsoever possible in order to catch the ball. And when you do, you will rejoice and celebrate with your team members and be extremely happy that your team member threw the ball to you and you caught it.

Here is what you would not do…

1.?????? Be annoyed that she threw the ball at you in that way

2.?????? Expect that the ball be thrown to you in a particular way based on any reasons such as seniority in the team etc

3.?????? Walk away from the field in a huff or resign or decline to play the next match

4.?????? Drop the ball and yell at the team member

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Let’s connect this to communication. When we speak of communication most of the time, we focus on how we speak or write; we are focusing on our output. We understand implicitly that we are responsible for our output. But, what about the input? How much responsibility are we taking for the receiving of all the communication that is directed at us? ?How are we catching all the balls coming our way? Are we compensating for the other person’s misses by giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are we focused on collective success or on holding the person up to impossible standards and expectations?

Imagine a world where we see each other as a part of one high performing, closely knit team. How would we then receive each other’s communicative throws to enable greater success? Here are four ways…

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1.?????? Have the right intention and start by wanting to catch the ball and create collective success in the act of communication. Often, we stop trying to communicate the minute we feel the other person is not conforming to how we think they should communicate with us.

2.?????? Position yourself in the right frame of mind in that moment to catch the ball. In communication this means to listen fully, empathize and understand that the other person may have other thoughts in their mind which may have stopped them from communicating in the best way possible. And, always start by ascribing good intentions to the person.

3.?????? Move to catch the ball. If there is a gap between your understanding and what has been communicated, aim to proactively bridge the gap by checking and asking or confirming. Be aware of any assumptions you may be making.

4.?????? Become stronger at compensating for the other person. Use your history of receiving previous bad throws to make yourself better able to receive more, rather than create a negative narrative that influences your future communication with the same person.

A caveat here is that there are times however, when there may be an real negative intent in the person sending the ball. In such cases, other skills would be required for "catching the ball". However, over time, stepping into empathic receiving may even help develop your intuition to read the intent more accurately.

So, the next time you are receiving a communicative ball, have the intention to create collective success, understand that the other person may have a lot of other things going on, compensate for whatever misses may arise and over time you will find people will love to communicate with you.