REBUILDING YOUR LIFE AFTER THE LOSS OF A CHILD

No Parent Dreams Of Burying A Child

It is the last thing any parent wants to have to experience – the loss of a child; death is only for the old. “Does time heal all wounds?” These words seem so trite, and in fact research has revealed that there is no set time-frame for a parent to stop grieving over the loss of a child and mothers in general never stop mourning this loss. How long does rebuilding your life take? This question remains unanswered; it will happen at the correct time. It could be months, it could be years, it could be never; when time takes on new meaning during the traumatic hours, days, weeks, months and years following such a loss.

Time Stands Still

While the rest of the world continues, time often stands still for the grieving parent – their world has changed for always and seems as though everything has ended. In a way it has, as some parents experience a division of time – the period of light and joy before the child’s death and the period of darkness and sadness after. Partly this sense of “time altered” is because a large part of the parents’ future; their hopes and dreams, have also died with this child. Death anniversaries as well as birthdays are remembered, traditions and holidays appear empty without them. But it is not only the future of the parent which affects them it is also the feeling of a future unlived, where so much possibility existed.

There is a New “Normal”

While the parent mourns the passing of the child; that child’s landmarks and rites of passage pass too; birthdays, Christmases, Easter egg hunts, puberty, Halloween, Thanksgiving, graduation, marriage, giving birth to their own children. The parents in fact are compelled to initiate a new rite of passage for themselves. It is about being coaxed into a completely new life; a new normal, with totally different perspectives – using grief and reflection as guides.

No-one Can Tell You How to Grieve

No other person, not a husband and father of the child can tell anyone what is best. They have no place in telling a mourning mother how to grieve. So-called well intentioned suggestions are also often the most inappropriate. If the sentence starts with “we have your best interest at heart”…we repeat…your way to grieve is the only way!

Connect With the Child

There are ways to connect with a child which help to rebuild a life, stay in touch with their friends – they will help you remember the good times, celebrate their birthday, take specific time out of a day to remember, embrace dreams of the child, keep a journal of things remembered; this way they are not forgotten. One good example was a woman who connected with her child when she found dimes on the ground. She has never found so many dimes in her life before – needless to say, she never passes by a dime on the ground.

Plan a Future To Rebuild a Life

Rebuilding a life with purpose can only be done by planning a new future – this in turn can only be done when the grieving parent is ready; 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, who knows?! Let this future bring new joy, new hope and new meaning; remember as much as you loved and wanted all that was best for your child; they also love and want the same for you; so, go on and live to honor them.

Grief,?Holidays,?Relationships