Rebuilding Trust in Your Relationship: Is It Possible After Betrayal?

When a secret comes out, a lie is revealed, or a boundary is crossed, and suddenly the foundation you built your relationship on feels like it's crumbling beneath you? It's like the person you thought you knew best suddenly feels like a stranger.

If you're nodding along, you're definitely not alone. We all crave trust in our relationships, and when it's broken – whether through a big betrayal or a series of smaller hurts – it can be incredibly painful and confusing. You start to wonder, "Can we ever get back to where we were?"

The answer is yes—but not overnight. It takes work, honesty, and a deep commitment from both partners. In today’s edition of Relationships ReBuilt Extra, we're breaking down exactly how to rebuild trust with clear, actionable steps.

That's why, in today's Relationships ReBuilt Extra, we're diving deep into the how-to of rebuilding trust. Forget vague advice – we're breaking it down into clear, actionable steps you can start using today.

First, let's talk about what trust really means...

Think of trust as being built on three solid pillars:

The 3 Pillars of Trust

Before we dive into rebuilding trust, it’s crucial to understand what trust is actually built on:

1?? Consistency – Does your partner walk the talk? Do their actions line up with their promises? (Because let's face it, broken promises chip away at trust over time.)

2?? Dependability – Can you count on your partner when things get tough, or do they pull away?

3?? Empathy – Can you be truly vulnerable with them, sharing your deepest fears and insecurities without worrying about being judged or dismissed?

When trust is broken, these pillars crumble. But with the right steps, they can be rebuilt stronger than before.

When trust is broken, these pillars take a hit. But with the right approach, you can rebuild them stronger than before.

So, how do you actually do it?

3 Key Steps to Rebuilding Trust

1. Radical Accountability

Trust can’t be restored without full responsibility. If trust was broken, the person responsible needs to do more than just say "I’m sorry"—they need to own the impact of their actions.

Take Mark and Jen, a couple I worked with. After 30 years of marriage, Mark started texting his ex-wife behind Jen’s back. When Jen found out, she was devastated—not just by the messages, but by the secrecy.

At first, Mark got defensive: "It was just texting! You’re overreacting." But this only deepened Jen’s pain. Trust began to rebuild only when he looked her in the eye and said:

"You’re right to feel hurt. I betrayed your trust, and I hate that I made you feel this way."

If you messed up, take full responsibility – no excuses, no minimizing. Acknowledge not just what you did, but how it made your partner feel. Put yourself in their shoes.

2. Commit to Radical Transparency

After betrayal, secrecy is poison. The only way forward is openness—not just sharing passwords, but creating a culture of honesty.

With Mark and Jen, Mark didn’t just promise to stop texting his ex. He proactively reassured Jen when she felt triggered. Instead of saying, "Don’t you trust me?" he said, "I understand why you’re feeling this way. Let’s talk about it."

Transparency isn't a one-time thing. It's about creating a consistent, open line of communication where your partner feels safe to share their feelings and concerns without judgment.

3. Rebuild Emotional Connection

Trust isn’t just about fixing the past—it’s about creating a stronger future. That means consistently investing in your relationship.

Here’s a three-part plan that worked for Mark and Jen (and can work for you too!):

? Weekly Date Nights – No phones, no distractions, just quality time together. Reconnect, laugh, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.

? Nightly Gratitude Rituals – Before bed each night, share one thing you appreciate about each other. It's a small gesture, but it can make a big difference in fostering feelings of love and appreciation.

?Deep Listening – When your partner is talking, really listen. No interrupting, no defending, no rushing them. Just be present and try to understand their perspective.

Try one of these today! Then, drop a comment below—how did it feel?nswer is yes—but not overnight. It takes work, honesty, and a deep commitment from both partners. In today’s edition of Relationships ReBuilt Extra, we're breaking down exactly how to rebuild trust with clear, actionable steps.

Can Trust Ever Be Fully Restored?

The truth? It depends. Some betrayals can be healed, but others may cut too deep. Here’s what determines whether trust can be rebuilt:

?? Was the betrayal a one-time mistake or a repeated pattern? ?? Is the person who broke trust willing to change? ?? Was there real love and respect to begin with?

If you’re struggling with these questions, don’t try to figure it out alone. Reddit strangers won’t fix your relationship, but real, expert support can...Invest in professional guidance—whether coaching, counseling, or therapy.

NB. I always suggest that intially you work with a coach independently of your partner, so that you can deal with the issues that you are carrying first. That enables you to be in a better position to deal with the betrayal in a more objective and actionable manner.

Let’s Talk! Drop Your Thoughts Below

Have you ever been in a situation where trust was broken? What was the hardest part of rebuilding it? Let’s start the conversation in the comments—I read every single one.

And for a deeper dive into the exact steps to rebuild trust, watch the full video here...

Remember: Trust isn’t about going back to what you had. It’s about building something stronger.