Reborn in the Refinery: Surviving the Chaos of Cancer

I would like to have called this 'Serenity In Surrender', but I'm not quite there yet.?

Times are tough.

I’ve recently hit a dry spell that my pastor reckons comes between a period of deliverance and dominion.

?I popped the red flare and reached out to my new AA sponsor who’s the Godfather of the Christian mafia in AA and I’ve been to 2 zoom meetings a day of faith-based AA and Bible studies which has been a game changer.

God’s reengineering me from the toes up. The physical side of the cancer treatment wasn’t so bad but when it comes the mental side has been painful.

I think the Lord needs to sharpen his pruning shears. John 15:1-2

What’s going on inside me feels like a seismic shift, a renaissance of the self.

This isn't merely a battle against cancer; it's a profound journey towards a new self-conception. This fight transcends mere survival. It's about authoring a new chapter of my identity.

I'm moving beyond the superficial labels tied to my profession or past achievements. I'm evolving into a fighter whose real battles aren't visible to the casual observer.

This isn't about peddling inspirational clichés. It's a deep dive into our intrinsic value as human beings, especially when we're knee-deep in adversity. Our worth isn't tied to our status, success, productivity or accolades. It's defined by our transformation through trials.

In the divine ledger, our value is off the charts, our ability to make a mark on the world untouched by our physical or financial setbacks. A critical realization, especially now, is that our existence is a journey from God, back to God.

This life, with its array of challenges, isn't random. It's a path to redemption, a wake-up call to remember our origins and destiny. And this cancer? It's not merely a health crisis; it's a spur for sanctification, a warning to prioritize the everlasting over the ephemeral.

Here's a mantra I've clung to: one day at a time. This isn't about merely enduring the day; it's about understanding that the divine intersects with us in the present, offering grace for today's hurdles and the fortitude to tackle today's conflicts. The wisdom of Matthew 6:34 has never resonated more: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil there of."

Embracing this perspective has transformed my daily existence from a countdown to an uncertain end, to a fountain of growth and faith opportunities.

On surrender and recovery: It's in acknowledging what I can't control that I've discovered serenity and insight. There's power in admitting your own powerlessness, as it creates room for a strength that isn't mine but my Father’s.

This isn't about defeat; it's about releasing control and trusting in a plan far superior to anything I could devise. I’m big on Jeremiah 29:11, ?"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

As I walk this new chapter, I've come to see that I'm in the midst of a miracle. It may not seem so from the outside, but real miracles lie in deepened relationships, unearthed inner fortitude, and the newfound purposes.

This journey of forging a new existence, rich in spiritual wealth and supported by community, is the true miracle. My confrontation with cancer is merely one episode in a broader saga, one where I'm learning to define myself not by what I've done or not done but by resilience, faith, and hope for what lies ahead.

It's a testament to the fact that I'm not on this journey solo. I'm enveloped in love, upheld by faith, and steered by a force that's propelling me towards redemption and rebirth. And that, my friends, is a fight worth bleeding in.

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