The Rebellion Hidden in Secrets, Housework and Old Bodies.

It's spring in the northern hemisphere! Time for the March instalment of Secondhand Insights!

I've already been jamming on secrets this week, and then my brain got kind of stuck on them and their connection to understanding the ever changing human experience so, here we are ˉ\_(ツ)_/ˉ

This month's ? reflections? includes all the things we don't talk about, the changing nature of secrets, diminished sex drives, and old women baring it all.

#1: Reshaping and Rebellion by Breaking Secrets

TL;DR We all have secrets ranging from harmful to mundane. The nature and types of human secrets we keep, and the ones we don't, tell you a ton about how someone wants to be protected and perceived, and the social pressures we are prepared to rebel against.

This article here goes into more depth on the wide range of secrets, all the different reasons we keep secrets, and the different emotions associated with them.

There are happy secrets, and sad secrets. Secrets can keep us safe, or put us in danger, physically and emotionally.

Gender plays a role in the type of secrets we keep. Women are more likely to confide in others, while men more often face their secrets alone. Stigmas around pregnancy and women's bodies mean those specific secrets are often a reaction perceived judgment, sexism and misogyny.?

There are stark generational differences around what should be secret, and what shouldn't.

“You talk about cultural secrecy, but we also have different generational ideas about secrecy. We live in such a confessional culture now. What is different? What is changing? What's good about that? I think you're right that in olden days, secrecy was a way to deal with problems. "Just don't talk about it" was a solution to something uncomfortable or something that other people would find scandalizing. Family secrets are a really good example of this. Today, people understand that's not the way to deal with problems, more so than in prior generations. Young people today are much more encouraged to speak their mind, to share their feelings and to find words to describe their feelings."

This shift is the force behind a whole swath of behaviours; social media is awash with people dragging skeletons out of family closets, sharing their stories in deeply vulnerable ways.

Think about "big things" like mental health and neurodivergent diagnoses, family histories, our bodies, our traumas. But also "little things" like our personal quirks or the awkward or embarrassing interactions we have in our day to day lives.

Many things that would have been secrets not so long ago are seen as too costly, too exhausting to keep quiet about now.

The secrets we keep make us complicit, but those we choose to break free from as both individuals, or as a society, are rebellion.

Whether we're exposing little, or big secrets, we're reframing the reality of the human experience, and reclaiming the truth of ourselves.?

#2: Man-children aren't getting any.

Running with the theme of secrets, and topics we don't discuss, let's dive into this article about disparate sex drives, and resentments around division of labour in heteronormative relationships.

A new study has explored how women taking on more household responsibilities kills their sex drive. If you're the one taking care of most of the responsibilities in the home, the manager of tasks, while your partner sits back, they become child-like to you, and possibly one of multiple children you're caring for. It's not fertile ground for healthy adult relationships. This imbalance is also suspected to be the reason more women file for divorce than men.

"Emily Harris, one of the co-authors, says this is because “there’s a few unspoken assumptions” about women’s sexual desire. “One of these, is that low [sexual] desire is caused by individual factors, like hormones and stress, or general relationship factors, like conflict and dissatisfaction,” she tells VICE. “What these assumptions miss, is the broader context of gender inequity. Sari van Anders, another co-author, adds that many people find comfort in these assumptions. “It can feel more manageable to change your hormones, or try stress reduction techniques, than tackle structural inequalities,”

The amount of work men do in the home, and contribution to childcare in particular has increased substantially in the past decade, but?gender beliefs are slow to change.?

Will we be quicker and more motivated to change if we're equipped with information about the long ranging impact of societal inequalities in our relationships?

#3: Exposure as an antidote to erasure.

TL;DR Just like secrets, somethings are best out in the open. And when you just disappear from society at a certain age, exposure might just be the only solution.

There's a book out by photographer Jocelyn Lee, that features a selection of her photographs of naked women, mostly older and in nature.These are bodies that exist, everywhere. So, why does it?still?feel so revolutionary to photograph old women's bodies naked? Here's?an article ?that goes into it all in detail.

"The older women who posed for Lee in the nude include professors, writers, artists, an astrologer, a hospice worker, and a small-town mayor. To me, they seem very brave, but it bothers me to say so. We all have bodies; if we’re lucky, we all get old, or at least older. Why not show what it looks like?”

Why not indeed? Why not the wrinkles, scars and bulges? Why is that reality still so disturbing?

There's a million reasons of course, we've been conditioned for so long and so hard to place youthful, smooth, perfection as the ideal. And the other seems scandalous, dangerous, even strange.

This is another type of rebellion then, one of many tiny rebellions humans spark everyday, another secret we've decided we won't keep any longer.

???? Caroline @?Vireo Research