REBEL WITH A CAUSE

The Sydney Morning Herald’s 48 hour ‘courtesy’ to Rebel Wilson before ‘outing’ her has triggered a worldwide outcry. In turn it has caused me to reflect on my own journey.?

I hope by sharing, it will provide an insight into the sacrosanctity of a person’s ‘coming out’ journey.

Let’s start with the here and now.?I am a proud gay man.?Now, this might shock a few of my professional peers and colleagues who did not already know this, as I readily admit - I hardly fit the stereotype.?

I am a beer swilling, blokey bloke, who can talk horses at the TAB, mix with the tradesmen in a truck depot, and recite the weekend’s footy results.

But I can also sew, bake a mean batch of scones, and Sashay Away with RuPaul.

I keep my personal life private - not because I am ashamed of my sexuality, but because when I came out, I did not want to be defined by it. ?

It is just one component of what makes me, me.?It is an important component - don’t get me wrong, but I never wanted to be pigeon-holed.

Coming out is an intensely private journey.?Every single experience is unique.?I have heard many different stories, from one extreme to the other.?

There is no right answer, no right way, and no instruction manual.?The most important, absolutely crucial aspect of coming out is that the individual gets to decide when, where, how, and who. ?

No matter how they might choose to frame it after-the-fact, if a gossip columnist gave me “48 hours” to confirm, I would view this not as a courtesy - but a threat.

I cannot imagine how hard that must have been for Rebel and I do truly hope she is happy with her Princess. ?Throughout this experience, she has maintained her grace, composure and dignity, in what must have been an extremely difficult time for her.

I had a similar experience, where an anonymous troll emailed my former employer, threatening to release information about me.?It remains the most harrowing experience I have faced.?

I made a police report and woke up every day for a month anxious about what was coming next.?To his credit, my CEO at the time was amazingly supportive, and I remain grateful for how he handled that delicate moment.

My journey is one I am now happy to share.?I was 29 and had not long moved to Sydney.?I had established a friendship with a beautiful man, who I remain close with.?He was patient, kind and incredible.?

I also had a close girlfriend in Adelaide who I confided in along my journey.?She was an amazing support, but I can still remember when she first said: “Todd, I think you’re gay” and I got angry at her. ?Where we were and what we were eating at the time is tattooed in my subconscious.

That amazing support helped me come out, on a whim one morning, to my sister and then to my parents - after watching Comedian Joel Creasey the previous night at an Adelaide Crows function.?

It was unplanned, unscripted, and rushed. I jetted back off to Sydney leaving them with many unanswered questions.?I remember crying uncontrollably at releasing this secret.?

It was both the scariest and, on reflection, the happiest day of my life.?

This was followed by months of calls to close family and relatives and then lastly my mates.?All these conversations were hard and stressful, even though I am very aware that I am one of the lucky ones who has been loved and supported by those that matter throughout my journey.?

Many people are not as lucky.?I have heard some truly harrowing stories of rejection, abuse, pain, anguish, and anxiety.

My point is, no matter how easy it may look on the outside, no matter how confident the individual or evident it may be, even now, every time I have to say those words, it stresses me.?

I have a split-second decision to make - am I going to tell you?, And if so, how much detail to provide.?I don’t always get it right and some may say, it is sad that in 2022, this is still a thing.

But it is, or at least it is for me.

Which is why I hope if you read this and take one thing away, it is: if you are someone that receives this information, you must see it as an honour and a privilege and know that for most gay people, sharing this information is a calculated decision that takes a great deal of courage.

Irrespective, of how tolerant or accepting you are, sharing or not, is not a judgment or reflection on you at all. ?

It is Pride month.?Pride is a special time to reflect, learn and educate.?It is a celebration of stories, of culture, of our similarities and differences.

I am happy to help anyone who is in need. I have seen the best and worst of workplace culture.?I have lost count of the times I have been innocently asked about my wife and kids.?My sister has even been mistaken for my wife.?

I have heard gay slurs, been the butt of jokes and equally been amazed at the warmth, kindness and acceptance of the masses.

We have come such a long way in a short amount of time – there is a lot more knowledge, understanding, tolerance, acceptance, and respect.?Our pop culture references are growing - whether it be Love Simon or Netflix’s Heartstopper (The closest I had was Farmer Dave on Big Brother).

But Rebel’s situation shows us that we still have a way to go.?Maybe, in addition to Actress and comedic genius, her biggest achievement will be as a gay icon and to that, I say “yaaassss Queen!”?