The Reason We Struggle & The Choice Not To.

Human beings may be the only species on the planet that struggles even when we have everything we need and we are not facing an actual threat of harm.

There is a simple reason for our struggle. We believe that life should be the way we think it should be.

We all do this. It is all over our how we speak. "This isn't fair." "He should have..." "She shouldn't..." "I have to..."

But, oddly, the universe does not seem to be paying attention. Sure, things go the way we want them to - until they don't. Change and complexity are the nature of life. There is no good reason why you or I should get circumstances to be the way we want them to be all the time.

Our attachment to our idea of how life should be can cause a tremendous amount of struggle against the way life is. When I am referring to struggle, I am talking about resistance, avoidance, and tightening. I am not talking about purposeful effort.

In the face of injustice, physical pain, oppression, illness, or setback there may very well be actions you can take to make the situation better. Purposeful effort is the use of energy based on valued goals, commitments, and relationships. Purposeful effort can be applied independent of passing preferences or comfort.

Clenching your jaw, spinning in your head, pointing fingers, yelling, complaining, arguing, holding your breath, tightening your stomach and shoulders, isolating, avoiding, and stressing - these are struggle, not purposeful effort.

How do we let go of this struggle? Well, first of all, we never let go permanently unless we have transcended the human condition. There are many stories of people who have done so throughout history, but let's assume that you and I will be a work in progress for the foreseeable future.

What we can do it cultivate awareness, acceptance, and compassion. Everyday.

This answer has been around for thousands of years and it is supported by thousands of scientific research studies. While there is nothing new here, knowing it and practicing it are two very different things.

I will address them in reverse order.

Compassion. This is the felt understanding that everyone struggles - even the brightest and shiniest among us. It is the acknowledgment that discomfort is just one of the ingredients of life. And it is the belief that each of us is deserving of love and respect even when things go sideways. Compassion is the energy behind kindness and service.

Acceptance. This is not resignation. It is simply the acknowledgment that that things are the way they are whether we like it or not. It is the realization that moving through a challenge peacefully is just as effective and uses much less energy that fighting our way through it. One of the most powerful ways to use acceptance is for uncomfortable feelings. If we can accept, rather than avoid, what we are feeling, then we are free to choose a purposeful response.

Awareness. This is really the place to start. When we pay careful attention, we can see how quickly we attach a story to whatever is happening. Good, bad, should, shouldn't, fair, unfair... With awareness we can see the changing nature of life, thoughts, and feelings. We can grow an appreciation for how our past conditioning colors our present view of life.

An important caveat: practicing these things will not make life the way you think it should be. It will transform your relationship to the way things are.

There is no fix for life. Life is not a problem to be solved. Life is a miracle, albeit a messy one. Each of us is born into a finite time on the planet. And, as if knowing that weren't challenging enough, none of us knows exactly how much time we have.

So, the only choice left to us is what we will practice in the time that we have. And that choice makes all the difference.