It Really Matters How You Tell Your Story

Last night, I was watching the movie Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Robert Downey Jr. plays a petty criminal who accidentally ends up in Hollywood. Early in the film, a pretty young woman walks up to him with apparent interest, and he responds with a forgettable reply. Without blinking or any attempt to soften the blow, she says, "I'm going to see who else is here."

That's what happens when you lack a heartfelt way to tell your story, and it doesn't only happen when the other person is shallow and self-interested. It even happens when the other person is looking for someone like you, but you lack the capacity to reveal who you really are.

Or, perhaps more accurately, to know who you really are.

The solution to both problems is the same: ask yourself one question over and over again:

"What matters most to me?"

I've asked many of my clients this question hundreds of times. After a few dozen, certain patterns start to emerge.

At first, your answers may tend to be politically correct (my family, significant other, work, etc.). You say what you think you should say.

Then, you say the opposite of what you don't want. If you're worried about money, you say you want to be rich. If you are worried that your partner doesn't really love you, you say you want true love.

But, after doing this again and again and again, one day the truth starts to come out. It can be very surprising!

This is the point at which you can start telling your story in a manner that is truly compelling and enticing.

I was about 50 years old before it occurred to me that I am a creative, rather than a business person. What?!? I'm a Wharton MBA. I have helped raise over $20 million from investors. I've launched a few companies and product lines.

(Yawn.)

I'm a creative. That insight allowed me to start telling my story well.

Your insight will do the same for you.

There is no shortcut. Ask yourself this question dozens and dozens of times:

"What matters most to me?"

When, at long last, you have a deep knowing that your answers are coming from your heart and soul, rather than your brain... then you can tell your story in a manner that attracts the people and results that you crave.

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Bruce Kasanoff is the founder of Bend Reality and Meditate for Peace , as well as the creator of Proven Rules , a system for doubling the revenues of your company.