It really does take a village

As the saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child” - and living away from my native Alsace with two energetic boys and a full time career – I’m always interested to hear how one can find, create and be a part of new villages. ?With that in mind, I was delighted to attend the event organized by Advance and hosted by McKinsey & Company last week to hear more about a new white paper which has explored careers and family, including shared parenting and modern childcare solutions in Switzerland.

Following the panel discussion, where we touched upon the roles of a whole spectrum of ‘village’ stakeholders, including the government, companies and individuals, the post event discussions (which if I’m honest were mostly female with very few males) were just as passionate. Poignantly we were all singing from the same song sheet with a feeling that the conversation needs to spread wider than those of us who are already believers in the solutions needed. But there’s lots to be optimistic about – so much is already on the table.

I encourage you to take a read of the white paper. In addition I thought I’d note down some of the tips I exchanged with event attendees on how I personally manage both a career and family to keep advancing on my professional development and economic independence goals.

1. Choose your life partner well – It’s a given that we probably all naturally aim for that, but make sure that love and attraction does not create a smoke screen: have those ‘big’ conversations before creating your life together and make understanding what a future family life looks like to each of you part of the discussions.
2. Split the tasks – No, you don’t have to project manage your home and I know some will be surprised there is no slide deck or excel sheet for me! Just talk about who is in charge of what and if you’ve handed responsibility for a task over, accept that it might not been done your way - a different way can be a good enough way (not always easy but I’m working on it)!
3. Set boundaries – Agree with your partner and let your teams know that you can’t take meetings when its family time, e.g. not before 8am and not between 6.30 – 9pm. And that’s ok. If you set your boundaries by actively blocking your calendar with family time, and can always propose an alternative solution, you’ll find that most people are very accommodating.
4. Ask for flexibility at work – You don’t necessarily “have to” work part-time just because you have one or two parenting commitments during the week. In my experience, working 100% but with some flexibility can be just as productive, if not more so. Talk to your line-manager about it, and if the flexibility arrangements you need are not possible for your current role, consider other alternatives. Find something that works for you and your needs.
5. Build an informal support system – Yes, we tend to live in more individualistic societies, but there are lots of people around you that will treat you with kindness and respect and have your best interests at heart. You just need to look and ask. Often times this system can include anyone from family to coworkers to school parents to professionals. ?Not only might they be happy to help, but it might be the start of an informal support group where you’ll help each other. By the way, helping and being helped is proven to have many benefits, including living longer, healthier and happier!?
6. Drop the ball – I read a great book by Tiffany Dufu on this recently. And it makes for life-changing reading – newsflash - no, you don’t have to be perfect (all the time!). If you can just manage your own and others expectations, life will be less stressful. Ps. it’s ok for kids to eat spaghetti with butter for three days in a row.
7. Empower your children – Ok, I think we can all agree kids can have a free pass for a few months and years but what I mean here is we can step back from our natural desire to protect and shield our kids from all of life’s daily challenges. Over time I’ve found that kids get a great deal of self-esteem and independence if they’re allowed to help you too. On the days where you can’t, maybe they can? - and maybe they can by even testing their own new solutions. Seeing you ask for that help is also a good lesson that asking for help is ok.
8. If you want to work part-time, think of the long term consequences – Deciding to go part-time will have consequences on your pension and also probably on your financial independence and career advancement (depending on the plans you go for). It’s up to you, but make an informed decision and discuss what any gaps means for your retirement as a couple or individual.
9. Don’t feel guilty – Easier said than done? Working parent or not – I think the guilt monster bites us all. But check the stats re: working parents, there is research that debunks the myth that kids who spend more time with their parents experience better outcomes. In fact, there are even many benefits to both child and parent, including the skills we sharpen in our role as mothers that can also serve our teams, clients and stakeholders.? And let’s be honest, while we all want to be a super parents at the end of the day it’s about giving love, keeping them safe and doing what we can, when we can, the best we can.
10. Do what works for YOU – If you’ve made it to the end of the other nine tips – here’s one that trumps them all! You might get lots of advice, but at the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to be a working parent - it’s about what works for you.

I’d love to hear any of your tips to! What works for you?