Is there really an authentic self?
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The beloved Canadian literary character, Anne of Green Gables, famously said 'I'm so glad to live in a world where there are Octobers'. I for one agree with Anne. October is a wonderful month, an in-between time where the cooler fall air means wearing cozy sweaters, drinking hot cocoa and sitting by the fire watching the leaves change colour. But the best part of October, for kids and adults alike, might just be Halloween. An opportunity to dress up and be someone else for a day. I was reminded of this just last week with all the neighbourhood children, along with mine, out in droves in their costumes.
I've written before about how children relish in the opportunity to embody different characters on Halloween or through make belief and storytelling. But really, don't we already play many different roles throughout our lives as adults? Even in a given day we are many different people depending on where we are and who we are with. During Covid, some of these lines between our different roles started to blur - work and home, formality and leisure. Maybe that has contributed to the notion of bringing more of our private selves into the public realm, even into the workplace. So as we say goodbye to October and usher in a new month, it's helpful to reflect on what an authentic self really means, if it exists at all in a consistent way or if it is ever changing.
Both The Economist and The New York Times have written recently about the idea of 'Bringing Your Whole Self to Work' and the perils of doing so. They argue that on the whole, maintaining a separation between your professional and personal selves is beneficial. And they point out the downsides of oversharing in the workplace, an environment in which it may not be beneficial or appropriate to delve into the details of our problems and triumphs outside of work.
At the same time, sharing allows us to connect on a human level, whether we are at work or otherwise. In fact, research into social bonding has shown that allowing ourselves to be genuine and vulnerable in front of people leads to a stronger sense of connection, through the stories and experiences we share. Certainly, close relationships cannot thrive unless we are honest about who we are and feel safe to let our true selves show. Even in more distant relationships, like with neigbours or work colleagues, our days are more pleasant if we open ourselves up to each other’s lives, to our interests, joys and difficulties.
So, it seems that this business of being our whole selves is a complicated one. Starting with the question of, what does it really mean to be a whole or authentic self? Do any of us have a single definition of who we are? And how much of our different selves are we willing to reveal in different settings? Even within our most intimate relationships, all of us need space to ourselves, to just enjoy the privacy of our own thoughts.
Ultimately, the balance of openness and privacy is one that each of us has to find individually and it may vary at different points in our lives and in different situations. So, whether it's Halloween or not, it's always a good time to think about what costumes you wear in your daily life, how much or little of yourself you want to share with others, and what it means to be your authentic self.
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