Realizing You've Become a Leader

I am officially celebrating my 5-year work anniversary in 27 days. Hooray!..and oh, goodness!

It feels as if I’ve been here for only a couple of months but at the same time for 20 years. I’m sure most of you reading this feel the same.

I had a strange epiphany today as I quickly scrolled through the sent folder in my email. As I was reviewing my messages, I realized that many of the emails to my teammates were messages sharing best practices and stories of successes that I’ve had in recent days.

As I started to dive further and further back into the time machine that is my sent folder, I recognized that I had been doing this for quite some time. In fact, it’s gotten to be a habit for me. When something works, I share it out. When I notice something that’s not being done, I show colleagues a more efficient way of doing a task. I even helped to develop a process that took weeks to refine, test, and solidify.

I shouldn’t be THAT surprised. Back in December of last year, I was promoted with the intention that the additional responsibilities I would take on would be to train incoming employees on departmental processes and best practices.

I suppose that I was still in denial up until this very moment that I am actually a leader at my organization. One that people look to for guidance and advice when something comes up. 

I still refer to my best practices as, “Just the way I do it. I have no idea if this is the best way.” But maybe those ARE best practices if no one knows any other way of doing that task at this very moment. One way is better than no way, right?

Realizing that I’ve become a leader at my organization comes with pride in knowing I’ve worked hard for the results and knowledge that I’ve gained but also fear that I can no longer hide behind ignorance of not knowing or that I no longer have someone else to lean on that knows more than I do.

It’s slightly scary to know that a large percentage of my departmental processes guide has been developed and documented by my experience. Aren’t there people with PhDs that could do this better than me? That being said, it’s also nice knowing that without the random things I know, my place of work wouldn’t be as successful as it is.

I’m incredibly thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given to become the leader I am today. I hope to get more comfortable with giving my thoughts and advice, and not just when I’m asked.

Especially now, people need leadership. Even if I don’t feel like I know enough for that leader to be me.