The Reality: What SUPPORT SYSTEMS really mean.
So, this was hella triggering for me today during a discovery call—because instead of feeling like an open conversation, it felt invasive. The person on the other end lacked the awareness to recognize that not everyone in this world is treated fairly. And though I answered each question transparently, I found myself getting choked up when asked how I was going to do this or that… as if my ability and awareness were constantly being questioned in relation to my own circumstances.
Now, If he had ever truly been without a safety net, maybe he would’ve taken a step back and realized how triggering and insensitive his questions were.
Then he hit me with:
“With all your experience, are you still coachable?”
Immediately, my defense mechanisms kicked in. Because let’s be real—I wouldn’t have taken this discovery call, let alone entertained this type of work, if I wasn’t serious about changing my life. Why would I take the risk of starting over, and pushing through all the obstacles, if I wasn’t open to learning, evolving, or doing what it takes?
And here’s the part that really made me pause—him.
He, his wife, and their two kids recently moved to a foreign country. And get this—he’s only been doing the work he was assessing me for… for a little over a year. That tells me I might have just been a commission to him.
Now, I bring this up because yes, he’s experienced hardship, which is why he left his home country. But at the end of the day—what does he have? Who is his built-in safety net? Who contributes to his joy and well-being? His family.
And that is what this piece is really about:
SUPPORT SYSTEMS
When you have them, you can get through anything. But without them? Well. . . at times, you feel:
ALONE, on an island, with only one source of light: yourself.
Let’s talk about loneliness during and after the holidays—specifically, the kind that feels heavier when you don’t have a solid support system.
The holiday season kicks off with?Thanksgiving, flows into?Christmas, then?New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day just ended. While many are making plans, sharing traditions, and basking in the warmth of loved ones, others are navigating this time?alone. And that loneliness? It cuts deeper when you feel like you have?no one to turn to.
But what does having a?strong support system?actually mean?
Here’s a breakdown—based on my own experiences and what I’ve consistently heard from?therapists and mental health professionals:
1. Family
Family isn’t just about blood; it’s about?who truly communicates and shows up. They’re the ones who have your back—even when it’s inconvenient. They’ll?fight with you, for you, and beside you. They give their time, because time—more than anything—reflects love.
2. That Friend
You know the one. The person you can gossip with, vent to, cry on, and?laugh with until your stomach hurts. They may not always have the right words, but their presence says,?“I’m here.”
3. Your Therapist (the professional MVP)
This person helps you?unpack what you’ve been carrying—sometimes for years. They offer tools, guidance, and a non-judgmental space to process it all. Yes, you’re paying for their time, but their insight can shift your entire?mental landscape.
4. Yourself (the ultimate ride-or-die)
We’ve all heard it:?“You have to love yourself first.”?But that journey takes time. If you’re still learning how to sit with yourself, support yourself mentally, emotionally, and financially—it’s okay.?Self-love is a practice, not a switch.?Once you get there, it becomes the foundation of your?support system.
5. Your Tribe
These are the people you don’t necessarily see every day, but when you do,?it’s like no time has passed. You’ve probably got that group chat full of?inside jokes and half-made plans. Your tribe steps in when you need a reminder of?who you are—and that you’re never truly alone.
6. The “Seasonal” Connection
Sometimes, someone new enters your life—a fresh face, a fun energy.?You’re cautious, maybe guarded, because trust takes time. Yet, in that moment, they bring a?spark of light. Whether they stick around or not, their presence offers?warmth during colder times.
The Reality of Loneliness...
No one truly understands the weight of?not having a support system?until they’ve experienced it firsthand.
An acquaintance once asked me:
“What does your support system look like?”
And I answered:
My current support system includes JUST ME:?
Showing up for myself—learning how to love myself by continuously affirming:
? I am worthy of love
? I deserve more
? I am valuable
? I am one of a kind
Keeping my word to myself and others, doing the?absolute best?that I can.
Then she asked what my?ideal?support system would look like, and I responded:
My ideal support system would be:
? A Black, female therapist
? A tribe of people who have my back?(friends, connections, acquaintances)
? One friend I can confide in
? Family reconnection and understanding
? People who follow my journey and actually SHOW their support
? A female doctor
? And if I had a boss…?someone who doesn’t belittle me, gaslight me, or question my worth
The truth is,?we all need support.
And when we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to fall into patterns of?comparison. Trauma has a sneaky way of making us believe our pain is?bigger than someone else’s. In those moments, we stop listening and start defending.
But here’s the truth:
For those without these connections,?loneliness isn’t just a passing feeling; it’s a constant hum in the background of their lives. It’s the?absence of:
? That?reassuring hug from your grandma
? That?laugh-filled text thread with your best friend
? That?partner’s embrace that whispers, “Everything will be okay."
And if you don’t have those people right now,?LET ME REMIND YOU:
You are still worthy of connection ? You are still deserving of support ? You are not broken.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
Let this be a reminder to?check in on others.?You never know who might be sitting on that lonely island—waiting for a little light beyond their own.
Now let's circle back to what triggered me the most, this morning was (not verbatim) when the man on my discovery call asked:
“If you have all this experience, why hasn’t it worked for you?”
For a split second, I was in shock.
I wanted to say (insert rude insult here), but I didn’t. Because once again, it was clear—he lacked the awareness to understand how hardship affects Black & Brown people in a very different way.
Not being able to get back on my feet isn’t due to negligence or inability. It started with an unjust power struggle with an employer who severely impacted my finances. And now? It’s turned into a WTF moment. A God, Universe, Higher Power… do you not see how hard I’m working just to survive??? moment.
And here’s the one thing the interviewer got right: I’m in survival mode.
What he didn’t know?
Just how long I’ve been in survival mode.
How long I’ve felt hopeless.
How long I’ve had no one to turn to—at the end of a long day of sacrificing, grinding, and giving everything I have.
When you’re in survival mode with no support system, you start doing things you never imagined. You take huge risks—not out of recklessness, but because when you have nothing to fall back on, every choice feels like a leap of faith.
And after prayer, meditation, writing, and sitting in silence, you come to one simple truth:
This risk? It can only go one of two ways—really great or severely bad. There is no in-between.
So, in the words of Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts:
You got more power than you realize. You don’t need anyone to teach you this type of power. Build things yourself. No family? Don’t need anyone to give you anything. Love can’t do it. SUPPORT can’t do it. Wait & stay focused on what you are waiting on.
[Waiting for the power to fall]
~deeply