Reality TV Is America's New Classroom About Race

To everyone’s surprise, reality television is becoming a pop culture classroom for America, where controversial topics about race and gender that conservatives are banning in actual classrooms are discussed openly and vigorously. We’re being educated and enlightened through intense personal drama and emotional breakdowns rather than with statistics and lecturing. And it’s working. Shocking as it may be, some reality TV is making America better.

I recently wrote an?article?about a profound moment on the last season of?Survivor?in which an African American woman addressed how race seemed to affect the game and the emotional toll it took on players of color. Her tearful comments and the reactions of the others, Black and White, provided one of the most authentic and moving moments in reality television history—and a genuine lesson on the subtle nuances of race relations in America.

https://youtu.be/bcBxPTirDak

Racial Conflicts Are Trending

That wasn’t the first time race relations in America have been brought into sharp clarity by reality shows. It’s actually become a trend—a very necessary trend.

In the last year, race has become a focal point for vitriolic drama and tearful meltdowns on several reality shows, from the Bachelor franchise to the various Real Housewives shows. In Season 25, the first Black Bachelor, Matt James,?broke off?his engagement with Rachael Kirkconnell after media leaks that she once participated in an “Old South” frat party. When longtime host Chris Harrison offered a tone-deaf defense of Kirkconnell, he lost his job. (Since then, Matt and Rachael have?reconnected.) That moment when he ended the engagement among the chorus of live audience gasps sent a message to America.

What was clear was that for years the Bachelor franchise, which had been criticized by many (including me) for never having had a Person of Color as the lead romantic interest, finally did so in 2017 with the amazing Rachel Lindsay. In support, I even made a guest appearance on the show during her season. But the franchise still seemed to have no understanding of, or appreciation for, the kinds of delicate issues that might arise or how to handle them. It’s as if they thought racism is countered by denying race exists. They ignored that people are shaped by their culture and how they’re treated because of their race. And dating is?never?color blind.

Matt James and Rachel Kirkconnell

Yet, despite all that melodramatic messiness, America learned why those parties celebrating the “Old South,” that so many Whites had fondly grown up with, were offensive and hurtful to others. America was smarter because of it. The country nudged forward, however incrementally.

The Real Housewives of New York?in Defcon 1 Denial

Last year, various Real Housewives shows dealt with racial conflict that exposed many Americans to important social issues. The housewives from New York finally went from just throwing shade to adding new skin shades. Two Black housewives joined the cast and race quickly became a focal point when attorney Eboni K. Williams tried, a little too heavy-handily at times, to educate her castmates about Black history and Black sensibilities. It caused a dizzying head-rush for some of them. Some critics complained that bringing up race to a group of pampered and privileged White women resulted in a?ratings?decline. As if that would have to be the reason rather than all the other possible explanations, including an overdose of redundant narcissism from some of the cast’s OGs.

In any event, the reunion for the show, usually a ratings highlight and fan favorite, was cancelled after Ramona Singer was?accused?of making racist comments. No viewer could have been surprised since she is the most self-obsessed, self-deluded, insensitive, smug, and socially unaware housewife of all the franchises. She is the Ben Shapiro of housewives.

The Real Housewives of New York, Season 13

She represents the benchmark for casual racism in America, not because she is an avowed Nazi goose-stepping through Tiffany’s (she’s not), but because conservatives like her consider themselves enlightened non-racists, denying the prevalence of racism in America, unaware of the irony that their thick-headed denial, in the face of overwhelming facts, is the ultimate enabler and perpetuator of systemic racism. Metaphorically, they don’t sell meth, they just knowingly rent the building out as a meth lab.

Again, despite all that?Sturm?and?Drang?turmoil, the fans came away with a deeper awareness of how not to behave like a racist by claiming ignorance, how not to be dismissive of another’s heritage, and how to understand that skin color is not our only cultural difference.

The?Real Housewives of Salt Lake City?Offenders Were Actually Women of Color

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City?promised to be the most diverse group ever, despite being set in the Mormon heartland. You had a lapsed Mormon, a Jewish convert to Mormonism, a Muslim wife and husband, an Asian American family with the husband suggesting adding a sister-wife, an openly gay son, and a Black evangelical leader of her own church. Whew! More inclusivity than any other Housewife franchise.

But then last season, the show lost two housewives, both of whom were women of color and both of whom expressed racist attitudes.

Jennie Nguyen was fired after online outrage emerged following the revelation of Facebook?posts?referring to “BLM Thugs” and “Violent Gangs” following Black Lives Matter protests. Despite her apology, Bravo released a?statement: “We recognize we failed to take appropriate action once her offensive social media posts were brought to our attention. Moving forward, we will work to improve our processes to ensure we make better informed and more thoughtful casting decisions.” If they really wanted to honor that philosophy, they certainly would have fired Ramona Singer, who has been unrepentant in her 13 seasons on the show.

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

Mary Cosby, the head of her own church, devout designer shopper, and wife to her dead grandmother’s husband, was the second housewife to leave, supposedly under her own volition. Despite being Black, she seemed to have no awareness of her own racism toward Nguyen by referring to her “slanted eyes.” Earlier in the season she kicked up reaction when she?compared?a castmate to a “Mexican thug” who “[makes] all those drugs.” Both times, Cosby issued apologies.

Once again, America learned that no one—regardless of their own ethnicity—is entitled to racist insults.

Race Controversy Rocks?Real Housewives of Beverley Hills

This season of?The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, finally free of the tawdry Erika Jayne/Tom Giardi wormhole, has focused on an exchange about race between Crystal Kung Minkoff and Sutton Stracke that has the potential of seriously damaging Sutton’s reputation and businesses.

The exchange started last season while Jayne was hogging the camera with her seething, glaring, and threatening. Then Minkoff, who is Asian American,?explained?how painful stereotypes are. Stracke, known for her inability to read a room and to make everything about her, piped up with how painful it was for people like her—White, from Georgia—to be characterized as rednecks. Minkoff countered with, “Are you one of those people that you don’t see color? Tell me you’re not that girl.”

Stracke looked stunned because that’s exactly how she sees herself. Many White viewers probably wondered what was wrong with saying, “I don’t see color,” a common refrain from many on the non-racist spectrum.

People who say “I don’t see color” really mean “I don’t judge people based on color. And even if I have a knee-jerk bias, I willfully overcome my prejudices to treat all people with equal respect.” That’s what Stracke meant, though she is not articulate enough to state that nor to understand how anyone would take offense to her statement.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Minkoff was also not articulate enough to make her point: “I know you mean well, but by saying that you dismiss all the culture, heritage, and experiences that comes with my color. Also, there is ‘not being a racist’ and there is ‘anti-racist,’ as Ibram X. Kendi discusses in his powerful?How to Be an Anti-Racist. The first is a passive lack of engagement, meaning ‘I’m not buying slaves or calling anyone the n-word’ versus the second, which is actively trying to erase racism. Not seeing color suggests ignoring racism that is all around, which allows it to flourish.”

Stracke issued an apology and she and Minkoff became friends—like a Benetton ad.

But Minkoff made things worse this season by blurting out to the group (when Stracke wasn’t there) that Stracke had said much darker things, refusing to state what she’d said. When relentlessly pressed by the group, Minkoff admitted that Stracke had said: “My white child is with Black girls in there, a Chinese girl was in the Jacuzzi, and I’m like, ‘This is what it should be.’” Minkoff thought this to be “problematic.” Garcelle Beauvais, a Black member of the group, did not see it as an issue.

And so America witnesses how tricky the debate about what constitutes racist speech is, even among People of Color. Fascinating. Educational. Healing.

Some people are quick to dismiss reality TV, but there is no denying that right now, they are boldly going where conservatives fear to go. And America is having conversations about race that are necessary for us to thrive—all of us.