The reality, the truth, it's time to share

Cancer - The Disease that we fear, the disease that takes, but also gives. On this World Cancer day I wanted to share some insights from those that have also walked the Cancer path to raise awareness and to instil courage. Courage to not ignore signs/symptoms, you know your body better than anyone else, if something doesn't feel right, please get it checked, early diagnosis really does save lives.  Courage to show up and walk alongside those that are walking the cancer path in a way that's right for them.

This is what my dear friends have shared about their experience of Cancer, alongside my own experience.

Cancer showed up and .....turned my world upside down. A world that I didn't even feel I was necessarily a part of, a world/life experience that I hadn't really appreciated I was enjoying until the thought of not being part of it, shattered all my dreams. It instilled the deepest of fears, it broke my heart, it robbed me of my most precious human, my beloved Dad, and a mere 4 months later our family dog. It left scars on my body, it transformed my appearance by taking my hair, my womb, it broke me and woke me.

" Cancer showed up and rocked my world, making me a statistic…………."

"Cancer showed up and changed what I thought my family would 'look' like. We'd been so lucky to welcome a healthy baby boy and had so many hopes and aspirations for the life he would lead. I dreamed of a happy and fulfilled life for him that was full of opportunities. I wished that he would thrive in every aspect of his life. Cancer stole his childhood, changed us as parents and people, altered the direction of our family"

"Cancer showed up and I walked tall, I knew I could kick Cancer's ass and it was given to me because god knew I would not sit back, I would work out a way to help others and give back, which I did through Sakoon through Cancer and Knit Your Socks Off."

What I wish I'd valued before it showed up....I wished I'd valued the simple things, moments with loved one's that were easy and full of joy, full of their uniqueness, their magic.  A dear friend of mine had told me when I was preparing for my dad's final weeks to hold his hand as much as I could, to imprint that feeling into my heart and it was honestly one of the best bits of advice I've ever received, how often are we fully present with those we love, soaking in their essence? I wish I'd valued living life so freely, with no big fears lurking at the back of my mind.....what if?

"What I wish I’d valued before it showed up is how precious life is and how thankful I am to have the NHS"

"What I wish I’d valued before it showed up...the little things! Driving my children to nursery and school, what a privilege it is for them to be able to be with other children and play, just where they should be. Driving myself to work and the only worry being about traffic or what's for dinner. Being at home, safe, Happy and together without the need to have something planned or be on the go all the time".

"What I wish I’d valued before it showed up………. I wish I had valued me, it took Cancer for me to see that I mattered too and I can show up as me my true authentic self. I never loved myself before did not know how to. I have learnt a new world of self love and selfcare'.

What it gifted me.....It gifted me, ME, it enriched my experience of Life. I didn't really know me before Cancer - I played a number of roles, I put a lot of people's needs before mine, mainly because I didn't know what I needed. I was probably too afraid to ask, to put me at the centre of my world. Then out of the blue Cancer showed me that I mattered. I'll never forget the look of fear on my dad's face when I told him I had cancer - that look of fear was the drive and determination I needed to fight with all my might. It gifted me a whole new appreciation of my body, its ability to heal, its resilience, its power.

"What it gifted me……………it gifted me strength, boldness, empathy and joy... I say to people Cancer was good for me. It gifted me my life". ??

"What it gifted me was to be more open with my emotions and sharing with people around me that I need support".

"What it gifted me....many chances to see how good people are. The support we received from family, friends, community and complete strangers reiterated what I already knew, that people are good, kind, empathetic, caring and charitable. Knowing that so many people loved and cared for Reuben helped share some of the burden of worry". 

What I wish people knew about its impact....the impact of a Cancer diagnosis hits far and wide. The impact of the treatment can last a lot longer than you imagine. The emotional impact can be the hardest to comprehend not only for the patient or loved one's but all those who are a part of your world. Your friends, work colleagues, often don't know how to be with you and often shy away, which is devastating for the person who has been through the treatment. All I wanted was a return to normality and when people avoided me, friendships faded, it broke my heart and made me question myself on a whole different level. 

"What I wish people knew about its impact……… the hidden truths, dark places I have been, exposing my vulnerabilities."

"What I wish people knew about is the impact on the emotional side can be harder than the physical side"

"What I wish people knew about its impact…that the ripples in the pond of a Cancer diagnosis are far reaching. Everyone suffers in different ways. My parents suffered terribly worrying for me, their daughter, and also their grandson. Siblings suffer disrupted childhoods too, absent parents, brothers, sisters, the constant hospital appointments and worry taking its toll on everyone. Adrenaline kicks in post diagnosis as a coping mechanism to get on with the initial challenge, the impact of the trauma can manifest much later on. 

Everything is not 'cured' or better once the hair grows back. Hospital appointments continue, the worry is always there even though we might get better at hiding it, the long term side effects are not always known and we navigate the impact of toxic treatment. The guilt of surviving. The pain of loss felt by so many friends we saw suffer and then die, the constant roller coaster of mixed emotions as knowing we should feel grateful, feeling guilty that a friend's child didn't survive and crippling worry that we could face the battle again".

My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or a carer, would be.....be gentle with yourself - there is no right/wrong way to deal with it. You are unique, you are vulnerable and it's ok to ask for help. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if needed - every day is different. At all times do what you need to build in self-nurture/selfcare. Tell people what you need from them specifically - hugs (post Covid), meals, lifts, shopping, laughter, wine, whatever it takes to make you smile and feel a little better.

"My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or carer, would be to be open about how you are feeling and ask for help"

"My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or carer, would be………….. you will not walk alone there are lots of agencies and Charities that can walk alongside you, build your army of people to surround you. The books and info are very euro centric, hence why I set up Sakoon through Cancer to change the face of Cancer to a South Asian face. Because I actually believed that South Asian Women did not get Breast Cancer but that was not the truth, the taboo and the stigma in the community meant women did not step forward and share their stories they didn’t know how too they were silenced. Sakoon has given women a platform to engage and share.  I heard so much once I shared pics on Facebook how much grief daughters were holding as they had lost their mothers to Cancer but were never allowed to talk about it".

"My advice to anyone experiencing Cancer as a patient or carer, would be....take the minutes, then hours as they come. There's no right way to do any of it. But there is so much help and so many people who care". 

Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read this and build their awareness on Cancer a little more. 

The biggest thanks of all goes to the contributors - those that have walked this journey, those that have the courage to share what it took from them, but also what it gifted them - my friends, Samina Hussain, Jess Virdee and Carol Baptiste - Thank you