The Reality of Imposter Syndrome and How to Beat It

Have you ever felt that you were not as good as other people think you are? Have you ever doubted your abilities to achieve what you already have? Do you see yourself as unworthy or not good at what you do, even though others think you are? Have you ever felt you didn't belong? Or even, "what am I doing here?" I know I have struggled with some of those thoughts. This is often labeled as "imposter syndrome." If you have ever felt that way, trust me, you are not alone.

At a very early age, I was striving to be as good as I could possibly be. I did extremely well in school. I was top of my high school, college and law school classes. I clerked in federal court for one of the best judges on the bench. I learned to try cases at a boutique litigation firm. I was regarded as a very successful trial attorney. I did quite well in court. I managed my law firm. Yet, somehow, it seemed like a mirage, not real. I had thoughts that I really was not capable, that I was not good at what I did. Others perceived me as top-notch, yet I questioned my validity as a trial attorney and a manager. How could that be?

Imposter syndrome involves feelings of self-doubt that exist despite significant experience and accomplishments. It is much more common than anyone thinks. Those imposter feelings are the conflict that exists between how you see yourself and the way that other people perceive you. When other people praise you, you still do not see yourself as successful, but perhaps just lucky or the benefit of good timing. The imposter feelings reflect the doubt about your talents and abilities that does not align without how others see you. You respond to those feelings by working ever harder, trying to prove yourself, to make yourself feel worthy. The cycle continues. You accept successes as given, but beat yourself up about any mistakes or failures. Not handled, this cycle can lead to guilt and even depression.

So where does this imposter syndrome come from? Why do we suffer from it? It’s not clear why some of us are afflicted with it; it may be from a sense of perfectionism or experiences from our childhood. High achievers are very susceptible to this phenomenon. But, it’s real.

It affects our happiness, our confidence, our success. It can create stress and anxiety. But how to overcome it? Here are some steps:

1. Share your feelings with others you trust on a confidential basis. You will find other people have the same experiences. Being open about your feelings helps them to feel less overwhelming, and may encourage someone else to do the same, realizing that you are not alone. Others can also give you a reality check, and help you to see how talented you are.

2. Focus on facts, not feelings. What is your track record? What have you accomplished? When you analyze your history, you will see that the actual facts do not support your imposter feelings. Look for the evidence that counters those feelings.

3. Strive for excellence, not perfection. We will never be perfect; but we can succeed at being excellent. When we strive for perfection, we constantly fail, which only supports our feelings of being an imposter. You can be excellent. Make that your goal.

4. Stop comparing yourself. Whenever we compare, we always come up short. We are all different. We all have different talents and skills. Focus on your own successes and achievements.

5. Accept our mistakes. We all make them. Learn from them. In each failure, there is a lesson that helps us grow and become better. But just because we made a mistake, does not make us a failure. That setback is an opportunity for growth, not a definition of who we are.

6. Change your script. Accept yourself as you are. Believe in the gifts that you have. Affirm what you have accomplished and what you are capable of. Create a vision of success. Discard the feelings of doubt and self-criticism. Be kind to yourself. We can change the story we tell ourselves and truly change our life.

For a long time I struggled with imposter syndrome. I now know what I am good at, how I can serve others, the ways in which I can be successful. I also know the areas where I can grow, change and improve. I know I am not perfect. But I also understand what my gifts are and how I can be helpful to others. You too can overcome any imposter feelings.

If this is something you struggle with or ever have, I can help. I have been there. I would love to chat with you. I support other attorneys and professionals who have circumstances that hold them back from being all they want to be. Please feel free to reach out to me. Do you know of anyone who has ever struggled with imposter syndrome?