The Realities of Expressing Authenticity and Vulnerability in the Workplace

Ever wanted to do something big, or share something that you knew would help, encourage, or inspire people? If it's in the setting of our personal lives, there's seemingly much less at stake. But when it's business...the immediate thought is, "What will they think? I can't say or do that!" And so you don't. And then your ideas aren't heard. Your frustrations go unnoticed. Your hard work might even fly under the radar.

After having been on the LinkedIn platform for four years, I have witnessed many people stifling themselves and what they'd really like to say because of fear of rejection or ridicule. And due to all the cyber bullies, judgmental behaviors, armchair activists, and "woke" culture, it often feels unsafe to express oneself.

• Maybe they won't like your idea.
• Maybe they won't agree with your viewpoint.
• Maybe they'll make fun of you, or you'll look silly.
• Maybe it'll get back to your boss and you'll get fired (this doesn't even have to be about anything negative!).
• Maybe you'll lose connections and followers.

Maybe it's time to stop caring.         

Being authentic isn't happening if you're putting on a mask for work, a mask for friends, a mask for your family, a mask for your church group, etc. At this point you need to stop and ask yourself why it is that you do this. There is a reason. Usually it's related to fear, and discovering what you're afraid of is the key to setting yourself free from it.

Every morning I get up and I ask myself (and in fact it's written on my bathroom mirror so I am forced to see it every day): How can I be of service while expressing my most loving and authentic self?

Why is that important to me? Because I would rather be disliked for who I am than loved for who I'm not. I can promise you the amount of people who love me for me are much greater than those that don't. The people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind don't matter. This type of mindset takes courage, yes. It also requires self love, honesty, and a big dose of DGAF. Does this make me special or unique? Absolutely not! We ALL have this power within us.

Not only that, but it's much easier to remember the things I've said and done while being authentic because they're real and true. When one isn't authentic, they're lying about who they really are and what they truly think and feel. And if you've got multiple stories going, it's a lot to keep up with. I see no purpose in that. It's a legit waste of everyone's time, but most of all yours, because those "relationships" you have cannot possibly be deep or meaningful if you aren't showing up as You.

I'd like to tell a story about something that happened to me in a work setting that required vulnerability and authenticity from me and resulted in a horror show. I posted about it at the time it happened, but due to current conversations and my new life path, I'd like to revisit it in a new light.

Early in 2023 I was asked to give a talk at the company I worked for about my life during one of the biannual employee events. This talk was only to fellow employees, which was roughly 300 or so people. I was given one example to follow and thought okay. I can do this. I did not want to due to fears of being unaccepted, but I felt perhaps I was being given that opportunity because it was time for me to branch out and show the world who Alana truly is.

So I did. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I almost passed out from the fear when I began speaking, I was shaking so badly, but I pushed through. I spoke about my life, from childhood to present day, and I thought it went well! I had a lot of people reaching out and thanking me for being so vulnerable and transparent, and some even told me they resonated deeply with what I'd shared. Some people were in tears. I felt grateful I was able to be me and connect with people at a heart level in a work environment!

And then came the backlash.

I was suddenly given ugly labels that didn't apply to me because people twisted my words and distorted my truth. I was told I'd upset people. I was asked to apologize (I didn't). I was told I revealed too much in the middle of a business day and I disrupted people's work (despite the fact we were all kinda on a bonafide vacation due to the all-day-long festivities taking place, but okay sure, I disrupted work), and that my content wasn't suitable for a business setting. (I guess someone should let the TED Talks folks know about this, cuz damn, they must really be ruining lives over there.)

Human Resources had a meeting with me and told me about all of the negative feedback, yet didn't provide any of the positive feedback I received, and most certainly did not offer support or encouragement. They told me I would forever be the example of what NOT to do when it came to giving one's personal story. Talk about a dagger to the heart!

They painted me with a Scarlet Letter because I was vulnerable and authentic. And then they laid me off.

While I'm over it now, it was so extremely hurtful at the time. How could I be wrong when all I did was talk about my own life and what I'd been through? That's what I was asked to do!

I share that story not because I am trying to discourage anyone from being authentic or vulnerable in the workplace (none of that "see! that's why I can't!" crap), but because I want people to see that my Authenticity couldn't exist in an environment that didn't welcome it. That company culture was not a match for me, and therefore I was removed from it so I could continue to grow and expand and spread my truth in environments that would accept me.

I'll say it louder for those in back: Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter.

It was a blessing I was let go. That situation taught me a lot. And the most valuable lesson was I will never stop being me. If it makes you uncomfortable, if it's too much, that's okay too. Go find less. We can go separate ways. Not every cutting of ties is a negative thing. It's all in how we wish to view an experience.

Experiences are just experiences. They only have meaning because we assign it to them. They are only good or bad because we make it so. I hope you understand this concept, because it's very important. This is all about mindset.

I lived through a history of bullying of all kinds, from family to strangers, and I don't believe any of us have had a truly contrast-free life. The thing I have learned is: it doesn't matter who I am, what I say, or what I do--people are going to do, say, and be whatever is in their nature, and it has NOTHING. ZERO. to do with who I am.

Bullying and abuse says nothing about me and everything about the bully or abuser.         

So why should I minimize or silence myself for the sake of a few shitty others? I implore you to do the same. One bad apple doesn't spoil the bunch if you don't let it. Just pluck it out and throw it away.

Here's the truth of the matter: We need the ideas only you can come up with. We need the insight only you have. We need the creativity only you possess. We need the conversations only you can begin.

So, be you. There's only one you, and you're pretty flippin cool. If you forget this, please hit me up and I will be happy to remind you how awesome you are! You have a purpose, and you are here for a reason. Please let your light shine. Please use your voice. Please trust yourself. Please know your feelings and thoughts matter, and they matter because you're you. There is a place for you at every table and a spot for you in every conversation. Your people are out here, and we accept you.