Realistic expectations for you and your kids over the holidays

This time of year can feel stressful ??and overwhelming ?? especially if your child’s behaviour does not match up to the picture perfect social media image.

(Reality check: hardly anyone has children that actually do).

??Perfection is an unrealistic, impossible goal. ??

Your mood and conscious presence creates the climate in your home and is ultimately more important than anything you do or give to your children.

Over the holiday period – less sleep, ?? lots of treats,?? lack of structure, being polite to relatives your children may not see every often – all provide the perfect breeding ground for meltdowns. ??

The propensity for parents to lose patience is greatly enhanced.?

Very often, that is because we have unrealistic expectations and over the festive season frenzy are more likely to be parenting with an audience.

When a child is upset, powerless, hungry, angry, tired, embarrassed, frustrated, disappointed or over stimulated, those feelings translate into behaviour we don’t like!?Perhaps refusing to listen, being disrespectful, fighting with siblings or unexplainable tantrums.

Children of all ages from toddlers through to late teens, do not have the same capacity as adults for self-regulation.?They let their emotions out on us, more than others precisely because they feel safe and close to us.

What I have learnt over the last 30 years of working with children is, that telling your child to calm down, ignoring, threatening, shouting, handing out punishments or sending them to their room, is the equivalent of pouring petrol ??on a fire. ??

Our own emotions towards our child are often magnified during the holidays, especially if we are sacrificing ourselves on the altar of parenthood!!!?

You put immense effort?? time? money ??and thought into trying to make the holidays a lovely, memorable experience for your family, yet your children may seem to be entitled, meaning you are more likely to lose your cool.

Most children are not intentionally bratty or manipulative.

When children feel good ?, they act good ?.?

Your child wants to feel significant in your world.?

They need to know that just by being alive, they matter and you care what they have to say.

Try saying no ? to comparing yourselves to others and no ?to anything that adds unnecessary?pressure or tension and does not nurture your family.

Use the holidays, to model gratitude to your children, focus on what really matters way more than anything material –

??showing up for your child emotionally with love

??communicating with empathy

??focusing on your relationship and connection.

??Wishing you and your family a healthy, restful, peaceful and joyful holiday season. ??

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?All the best,

Rachel Vecht

Founder of Educating Matters