The Real You (And How to Find It)

Our natural tendency is to be in pursuit of something.

The next goal, the next project, the next ‘thing’. In the pursuit of a successful career, we often associate achievement with money, status, and influence.

When I’m in conversation with clients and ask them what would make their career more fulfilling, the most common answers I hear are:

• I want to get paid more (money-driven)
• I want a more senior job title (status-driven)
• I want a job where I can have more of an influence on decision-making (influence)

These are all very natural tendencies.

It’s instinctive to want to be paid more, have a career that our social circle admires and be able to make a tangible impact. Which of these priorities is most important to you depends on your unique stage in life.

But what happens if you achieve those things but still end up feeling unhappy?

What’s interesting is how often I speak to clients who possess all these markers of success yet still find themselves longing for a career change.

Others have already tried - They've switched careers but still don't feel 100%.

Over time, I’ve learned to understand why that happens – an authenticity gap exists.

In this article I want to explore the three most common reasons why people feel unfulfilled with their careers, despite feeling like they ought to be successful and happy.

Work You vs. Personal You

Your work self is the person you adopt in a professional setting. It is often influenced by social pressures, such as the need to conform to expectations or to avoid being judged.

This usually happens by default – you put your guard up at work because that’s what you feel you are expected to do.

For example, you might feel pressured to dress a certain way, to speak in a certain way, or to avoid sharing certain aspects of your personal life.

Your personal self is your true self.

Unfiltered and unmasked.

It’s the version you express most freely with people you trust and feel comfortable around.

The challenge with being a different person at work compared to outside work is that it can become draining.

It consumes energy to clock into one way of showing up and clocking out later.

It’s one of the reasons why people have a great weekend or holiday feeling recharged and energised, only to feel depleted on their first day back in.

The bigger the gap between the real you and the professional fa?ade, the deeper the void feels.

Dissatisfaction grows and grows in a way that money, better job titles or more influence can’t solve.

But once you start bridging that gap, things change.

You don’t feel the need to talk or act differently.

You save energy, which can then be diverted to more important aspects of your work or your life.

Self-Reflection Questions

1. How does the work you differ from the personal you?
2. Think of a colleague you spend a lot of time speaking with – what 3 words would they use to describe you?
3. Think of a person you spend a lot of time speaking with outside of work (partner, family member or spouse) – what 3 words would they use to describe you?
4. Are there any differences in descriptions that surprise you? If so, why?

Fear of being authentic

You might fear that you will be judged or rejected by your colleagues if they know the real you.

Or maybe there is a fear that if people see a side of you that is inconsistent with your job title, you might not be taken seriously, or your reputation will be damaged.

Perhaps there is a fear that new opportunities or promotions won’t come your way if you show up the way you really want to.

I’ve been in this very position in previous jobs I’ve had.

Roles where I have been paid well and admired by my friends and family.

But inside, something never quite felt right.

As a natural ‘introvert’, I’ve felt pressured to act more extroverted at work to fit in with my colleagues and make a good impression on my boss.

I’d dread work socials because there was nothing I wanted more than to finish work and get back to my own space and unwind.

Over time, conforming to the environment creates a mask.

A mask which might one day be difficult to separate from the person wearing it.

Self-Reflection Questions

1.????? If you gave yourself permission to be yourself at work for one day, how would you show up differently?

2.????? Can you recall a time earlier in your life when you were made fun of or criticised for a part of your personality? How does this impact the way you show up at work?

3.????? What do you wish your professional network knew about you that they currently don’t know? ?

Misalignment of values

Your values serve as a compass to guide your decision-making.

Beliefs you have or causes that you care about are a strong marker of your identity.

When your values clash with those around you, it can leave you feeling isolated.

This could be another reason why you feel unfulfilled despite achieving conventional success – your values are misaligned with those around you.

For example, if you value creativity and self-expression, you might feel unfulfilled in a repetitive and routine-driven job.

If you value helping others, it’s easy to become disillusioned in a profit-focused or results-driven role.

A person who values honesty and integrity may feel inauthentic if they work in a job requiring them to lie to customers or engage in unethical behaviour.

When your work is misaligned with your values, you can experience a sense of cognitive dissonance.

This is a feeling of discomfort or distress that occurs when your beliefs and actions do not align with your work environment.

It leads to feelings of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and stress.

The incongruency between your core values and those around you can be stifling and hinder your career satisfaction.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1.????? What are your non-negotiables when it comes to your beliefs and values?

2.????? How aligned is your current work with your core values?

3.????? How does the misalignment between your work and your values make you feel?

4.????? What can you do to bring your work into alignment with your values?

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Internal vs External Success

If you are feeling unfulfilled in your career, then the temptation is to go and find a new opportunity.

Although this could work, there is also a risk that the same feeling of dissatisfaction can pop up again and again.

The best place to start is to identify the root cause of the problem. Once you know what is causing your unhappiness, you can start to take steps to address it.

If you feel like you are not being authentic at work, try to identify the areas where you are compromising your values or beliefs. Once you have identified these areas, you can start to make changes that will bridge the gap.

Creating a supportive community of people who accept you for who you are is also important.

This could include friends, family, or colleagues who you trust. Having a supportive community can give you the courage to be more authentic at work.

A fulfilling career contributes massively to a fulfilling life. And true career fulfilment extends beyond the size of your paycheck.

Financial stability is important, but it's not the sole driving force behind a meaningful career.

What truly motivates people is being in an environment that allows them to be their authentic selves.

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If you are considering a career change, then feel free to reach out for a conversation on how I can help you to find an authentic career path.