Real Women, Real Stories.

“A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be incredibly difficult.” -Melinda Gates

Being a woman comes with a set of prejudices against us that can influence different aspects of our lives. It also comes with the constant reminder that everyone around us irrespective of whether we want it or not keeps giving us. “Why are you so loud? Talk ladylike.”, “aren’t you too ambitious for a married woman? Prioritize your family”, “sit with your legs crossed”, “why are you playing a man's sport? Go pick up a doll or learn some cooking skills. It will help you in your future”, or other such remarks remain constant in most our lives. Expressing our anger could be termed as mood swings related to our menstruation no matter how valid our topics of concern might be. While we talk about women being empowered all around the world, there are a lot of aspects we still need to teach ourselves about.?

Today, even when women have taken over the corporate world, we see discrepancies in treatment and rules laid down for employees of both sexes. Discrepancies in salary, not giving a woman a promotion over a man would be reasoned against men not having the social and moral responsibility of taking care of a family. Their pregnancy might be another reason stated, where they would say the company would suffer having a woman at a higher post as they might be absent on maternity leave or be less productive under the many responsibilities they have to abide by.?

While being a woman comes with an additional set of responsibilities, there are a lot of women who beat all odds and emerge victorious on the other side. We asked some of our employees to write about their experiences or about any women whose strength inspired them. What we received from them, was a reminder that all our women might be kind and sensitive but are NOT weak. Not weak at all!

? The Story Of ‘Mana’

As a young child, my brother affectionately called me “Mana” with no particular reason nor I guess that we ever knew the meaning of this.?

I wanted to be a lawyer as a kid, the black gown fascinated me …just imagine churning out the sections, your honor, witness please, and all the law words. Well somehow, as I grew up this dream dint manifest. I was forced to get into a commerce background and landed in the IT industry. The mana within often reminded me as to how trapped it was.

Time passed by and I was crowned from Miss India to Mrs. India and then Mother India, I had to say bye to my career. New roles being played were challenging and I did well in managing the “crowns”, but mana continued to dig my ribs and this put me on a track to learn German, and soon I started my seconding innings in the teaching fraternity as a German faculty. However, this came to an end as the company closed and a new family member got added.

Now the responsibility grew tremendously (with more power comes more responsibility is what Spiderman said) and so did mana’s craving from within. Starting all over again seemed almost impossible. This led to pursuing my Master’s and soon landed me in the beautiful role of Assistant Professor. This role opened up the doors to know people more closely understanding them beyond what they appear.?

The curiosity led to pursuing studies further in psychology and counseling and started to flow unceasingly. Soon after that, the river took a new turn towards counseling, healing therapy, and wellness, Mana seemed alive and in full flow.?

By the way In Hawaiian and Tahitian culture ‘mana’ is spiritual energy and healing power that can exist in places, objects, and people.

The journey always seemed so challenging and dampening, however, when mana resides in you, it will never let your path get hampered. Simply because mana is not meant to be stagnant, mana increases and grows when you share it.?

I have found my mana moment in being there for others as well as finding myself. Remember a river never stops when an obstacle is placed, she just makes her path flow in full glory.? Listen closely to your mana and be guided, go out and live your dreams encourage, empower and enrich one another.

?? Troubled Times Brings Out The Best You

On account of International Women’s Day, I was asked to share my experiences of being a woman. To be honest, initially, I was blank. But we can’t deny the fact that our generation has become a part of history by living through a pandemic. Personally speaking, Covid was not an easy time for me. I live in a joint family and hell broke loose when 14 members of my family ended up being COVID positive at the same time including me.?

To highlight a few incidences from that episode, my uncle and his son became serious and were admitted at different locations; my aunt’s mother, who was a frail 90 years old, passed away in the room next to mine under the roof of our home. With almost every member quarantined, it all came down to me and my sister. I found myself driving to different locations of the city, managing hospitalizations, and taking care of all of the quarantined members.?

One of the toughest moments for me and my sister was to wash up and take my aunt’s mother to the cemetery all by ourselves as there were no male members present. Considering the religious sentiments around cremation, we all are aware of how women have been kept away from cremation grounds. But circumstances are more powerful than traditions. In the absence of any male members, my sister and I had to take care of cremation rituals. Without even getting the time to process this grief and sense of loss, I was back to going to and fro.

Another hit I took was to see my uncle pass away. I was a witness to his declining state at home and hence decided on getting him hospitalized. Again, it was me and my sister who managed this situation by ourselves. It was me who had to convey his passing away to everyone else in my family. I would hold the fort at home while she would tackle everything at the hospital. Anytime the phone would ring and we would be on our way to attend to something or the other.

With our entire family dispersed and isolated, we were almost grasping at straws to avoid any further losses in the family. It was a testing time, and I hope no one has to face this situation. But this time also brought out the strongest version of mine. I saw myself doing things I never thought I would have to do, stepping into roles mostly the males in my family had played until now and getting miles away from my comfort zone. It also showed me things I could do for the people I love and cherish. To end this, I’ll say that there’s not a bigger strength in the world than the heart and will of a woman. Embrace it.

?This Is My Story

Ever since I remember, as a little girl I loved being the center of attraction. My entire being would just come alive when I was complimented, when people looked at me, said wow, when people admired my being, and told my parents that they were blessed. I was on a vanity high for most of my growing-up years. But I always felt something was missing in my life, and I could never pinpoint what it was?

?As I grew into a young adult, and I took up work in a glamour-oriented industry, I had this nagging feeling of something missing again in my life. I was attractive, smart, and was pursuing my double degree education while working multiple shifts and yet, I felt myself dipping lower and lower in a dark zone when it came to relationships with the opposite gender. I always found myself taking a backseat every time a handsome boy or a man approached me. It became a habit to get cynical, sarcastic and, obnoxious flirting became a way of approaching the approach.? After indulging in these activities, I would then take a step back in my life and the pattern continued. It became so apparent to my friends that there was something amiss about me, that I was hiding a traumatic incident.?

But was I willing to share? Nope, not at all. Life went by, my parents decided that it was time for me to get married, and here I was all bright and shiny beautiful bride, and all set to pursue my next milestone in life.? Things were going on smoothly, things were happy, everything going right in my life but every time my husband, my dad, my brother, my father-in-law said something that went against my thought processes, I would drive everybody into a crazy fit with my emotional outburst and tantrums.

The pattern continued for many years and affected my relationship with the opposite gender at work, in social settings, and close family groups. I decided one day to participate in a self-help workshop where I heard they helped one to purge out emotions in a constructive manner. Spent two days of my life trying to understand myself and came out of it even more cynical and obnoxious. On my way back home from the workshop, amid a heavy traffic jam, I had an outburst of emotions. I started crying uncontrollably and could not get myself to drive back home. I waited for about two hours to get myself in driving condition and drove straight to meet my mom.?

As it was already late at night, and she was getting ready to go to bed I begged her to hear me out and all she was interested, it was to know if I had spent my day looking like a washed-out rag. I was upset, I was angry, I was sad. Here I was wanting to share a part of me that was traumatic and all she was interested in was how I looked. Anyways I took the bull by its horn and told her to give me a listening ear for 10 minutes.? In the most regretful, shameful, scared, shaky tone of voice, I shared with her my experience of being sexually abused at the age of nine. She listened to me with an expressionless face and the words that came out were – why are you digging up old stories? Why are you telling this to me now? What were you doing then? Move on in life. You have kids and a house and work you enjoy…

I moved on. I let my trauma be buried back into my being. I did do my bit of talking to God every time I went into a temple. I spoke out loud into the universe every time I drove my car and I was alone. I tried sharing my story with a couple of my friends, some were like my mom, some laughed it out, some were outright rude calling me a vixen even at that age…

I know this trauma is Legit. When I watched the movie “Dear Zindagi”, I feel the pain and purge out anger and my sadness in the comfort of my car or my bathroom. Every time the trauma knocks at my door. I tell myself to be strong, loads have been through this, you are no exception, focus on the good and the goodwill be yours.?

? Trial And Error

Talking about myself has not been easy for me. However, I think it's time we change that. From a young age, I knew I wanted to do something to be of assistance to others. I also ‘knew’ I couldn’t do art for the life of me. Little did I know that the discovery of my love for art would lead me to the path of ‘assistance to others’. I tried to draw a character from a graphic novel, a comic book when I was in class 8. And to my absolute surprise, I drew this character, not perfect but oh so similar to my reference. From there it was only a matter of trying to draw more and more. Over the years that followed I tried various mediums to sketch, paint and do crafts.?

And then came the time for me to decide on the future of my education. It was hard, let’s just say I wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box. Which explains why I didn’t take the risk of giving up my secured spot at the institution where I continued to study for the next 5 years, and take a shot at the entrance exam for a fine arts college. Everything happens for a reason, right? I met good friends and enjoyed the subjects I studied, I tried. I tried to study well, I tried to maintain my friendships, I tried to move out of my little box. By the end of the first 3 years, my efforts did bring to light the confidence I managed to muster up. And this only got better over the next 2 years that followed, I was on a roll with my presentations, mind you used to shake like a leaf now I stood like a whole tree. This was the path that would lead me to use my art in some way to help others rise too.?

So what happens when the tree starts to get weak? As hard as it may be to imagine a strong tree shaking, it happened, slow at first and then before realizing it the tree turned into a leaf again. The environment and external factors did not do much to build my breaking confidence. It did get worse and worse. To the point, my anxiety was put to its utmost test. But you see the one thing I’m good at doing is trying. No matter the outcome, good or bad, try and try.

Here's what I learned; try new things, try things different from your usual, even if that means straying away from your goal and your belief a little. You will see the world from a different perspective, you will also learn about yourself, what you like and value and what you don’t. The possibility to get hurt is apparent. I got a taste of this sour fruit over 2 years after graduating college. My life suddenly turned into a cliché western teenage novel except it had an Indian twist. This new chapter started slow and easy and sweet but soon turned confusing, and hurtful with a heavy pinch of spice, not the good kind, the kind that burns and leaves you with heartburn. Quite literally.?

But that is not the focus area, the highlight of these situations isn’t the anxiety, pain, betrayal, and all that negative energy. It’s all about how we choose to try again, to move forward, and to find ourselves again.?

?I try to pick myself up because what I do is to help others pick themselves up. I’m an art therapist, I am what I wanted to be by title, although I need to continue trying to be who I want to be with this title. Life hasn’t been rainbows and butterflies but I sure can grow myself some sunflowers and paint my world in the colors of my choice instead. All that needs to be done is to try, try and try some more. To try takes a lot of courage. To try means you are brave enough. To try means you care about yourself. To try means you choose yourself and acknowledge yourself.

? The Incredible Strength Of A Woman!

When asked about strong women, my mother is the first person that comes up in my mind. Early in her days, she was a bubbly cheerful, and chaotic girl that everyone loved. Despite being her naughty self, she excelled in her studies. She completed her degree in English Literature and went on to complete a degree in computer studies. Back then, computer studies were very difficult to get into and considered one of the best degrees to possess. She worked in several big firms across Mumbai and Gujarat, before her family decided that she had come “of age” to get married and settle down. She did not disagree with her parents as they were taught from a very early age that the later a woman marries, the more difficult it gets for them to find a suitable groom. Not long after, my mother married a man halfway across the state. She was happy.?

After getting married, her in-laws asked her to delay getting back to work a little as she settles in her new home and they get to know each other better. And so, she agreed. A year later, she got pregnant with twins and she knew she would have to be on her toes to raise them. As her twins were born, she forgot all about what her life was like before having kids or getting married. She loved the feeling of being a mother so much that she gave up her dreams of working abroad and making it big in her career. 5 years later, she had her third child. Her responsibilities piled up and she thought she would opt for house help which was heavily criticized by all the neighbors. They called her incompetent and blamed her for “wasting” her husband's money. She ignore all these talks and focused on all that was important to her at that moment. But, this wasn’t the end of her piling up responsibilities. Her in-laws soon began to fall sick. She had to take them for weekly doctor visits and manage their medicine timetables. Situations worsened as her father-in-law had a fall one day as he was taking his daily walk, and injured himself. The fear of this fall lived with him, after which he refused to move out unsupervised and eventually did not move out at all. He soon was bedridden and all of my mother's time revolved around his needs and schedules. She had to feed him and even bathe him. Not long after, her mother-in-law’s health deteriorated as well and she too was asked to be bedridden. Now, most of my mother's day revolved around taking care of her in-laws. After taking care of her father-in-law for 3 years, he passed away peacefully in his sleep. 2 years later, her mother-in-law passed away peacefully in her sleep as well.?

After 5 years of selfless service to her in-laws, my mother's life came to a standstill. She felt a sense of loneliness. She felt like she lacked purpose. Her 3 children were in college and were constantly out of town for sports and other competitions.?

She tried to get back to her hobbies but it did not interest her for too long. She tried to connect back with her friends, but they all had families now and said they couldn’t travel to meet her. She went to movies with her youngest daughter whenever time permitted and made some new friends with whom she could spend some time. But all of this still did not help to fill up that emptiness and loneliness she was feeling within. One day, as she went on with her daily routine, she fell unconscious and all attempts to get her back into her senses seemed to fail. She was taken to the hospital where they realized, she was suffering from hypertension, depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. She also suffered from several physical complications because of the undiagnosed disorders. She initially struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis and insisted that nothing was wrong with her. With the right physical and psychological help, she quickly realized that these diagnoses did not mean something wrong with her, but that she needed a hand to deal with all the pain she was experiencing. After 3 years of psychotherapy and medication, she finally stands up tall and truly means it when she says “I am Fine”.?

Even to this day, she faces a lot of challenges. From living alone at home; as her kids have ventured out to find their footing in their careers, to dealing with living indoors during Covid without having much to do, to getting through a tough battle with Covid, and so on. She is a wonder woman. She is a survivor. She is a testimony.

A famous American author, Harriet Beecher Stowe, strongly believed that women are the real architects of our society who build not only themselves but the whole community, yet time and again, the same society fails to portray what our women really are and what they can truly be. Most of the women in our world, at one time or another, have been harassed or treated less than they deserve. Despite years of “Women Empowerment” there are still many women who long for help and equal opportunities. The need arises from the root of our society, where we teach our newer generations to treat each other as equal irrespective of gender, to be kind, to be empathetic, and to have heart.?

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