Real Time in Real Time - VFX_101

I started working as a professional in graphics at a t-shirt shop printing shirts and hats. Showing interest in what was happening on the creative side there, the art director decided to briefly moved me into the art department for a couple of weeks while the owner was away on vacation. When he returned, he basically told her that I did not have the talent nor the skill to be a graphic artist, and so I was moved back to the print shop. This job represented for me hope in that I could make a living being creative. It also exposed me to the fundamental processes of commercial art, which were technical and creative. This was extremely inspirational for me as well as it spoke to both sides of my creative spirit which were both technical and artistic.

I had failed out of college by that point, but continued to pursue creative projects on both a personal and professional level by drawing, painting, and even making my own t-shirts in my bedroom. In the mean time, needing work, I got a job as a landscaper for a college friend’s company. The labor intensive work I did during this time helped me realize how much I needed a direction that fit me and revealed for me an inner drive that I still cannot define. On a camping trip in the Ouachita Mountains of Southwest Arkansas, a close friend asked me “What’s the one thing you’ve done most in your life?” My answer, without thinking, was “drawing”. He told me, “so you already have your answer. The rest is up to you”. This moment clarified my direction.

 The walls that challenge us always make us better. Many times, we meet people who have the tendency to prey upon the doubts we already have in ourselves. The key during these moments is to take that negativity and turn it into determination to prove them wrong. Or at least to prove to yourself you are more than they know. Einstein said “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.” The will to take another persons negative comments or perspectives about you or your world and turning that into motivation to reach your goals is incredibly important. To prove to yourself that you can do what others believe you cannot is the state of mind needed to succeed. These people, moments, and failures that beat us down, take the wind from our sails and fill us with doubt, are significant barriers in our lives, and everyone faces them at one point or another. Sometimes more often than not, we are our highest wall to get over.

After finishing my BFA, I worked as a Graphic Designer for 10 years before heading to graduate school to study 3d animation and completing my MFA. Being a visual effects animator and supervisor for the last 15 years has been rewarding and personally challenging. My passion for creating and designing for film has taken some interesting turns along the way. Interesting people. Interesting places. Life is never the straight road you think it is. I’ve made many friends along the way, and worked on some incredible projects while traveling the globe. The sacrifices that I have made in the interest of building my career have never yielded enough reward however to justify being away from my wife or my daughters for extended periods of time. This realization comes with time, and a sense of a lack of fulfillment that only family and community can bring. 

It has also been an awakening to the workings of big budget film making. While feature films can be a rewarding creative process, there are as many times where it boils down to a moment of disillusion. Or two. Not unlike the early years in my career, I have encountered many professionals in film, who have risen to places of power, that feel either threatened by your skills and creativity, or just feel compelled to belittle everyone around them in order to keep the light and sense of achievement upon themselves. It takes the fun out of the creative process when a group project of massive proportions, that requires creative and technically amazing individuals to achieve, all boils down to the realization that you are simply a “gun for hire”, and that this is NOT your project. Your creative contribution will be added to the pile, and aside from the possibility of getting your name on a list of thousands of others just like you at the end of the film somewhere near the bottom of the list, it is just another job. Not to mention, when it’s over, you are also unemployed. Again.

As I currently work on my 30th title 3,000 miles away from my family, I try not to get down about being away from my home in Vancouver, but I look to the future. I am inspired by many people and the things that I have the benefit of seeing up close in this industry. As I continue my journey in film, augmented reality, 3d animation and interactive development, I look forward to continuing to create with the things that inspire me from each project, and collaborating with the people I have met over the years through each career I have been through, continuously re-inventing myself as I determine for for me what it is to be an artist, and to remain creative and inspired. Every day, I look forward to being home with my family, and to watch my girls grow up. In person. There is always hope, and we are always steering our own ship.