The Real Skinny On Skinny Jeans:

Why I Believe Skinny Jeans Are Quietly Saving Lives.

As I was peeling off my favorite skinny jeans recently, I was struck by an odd sensation as I draped them across the chair in my room. I found myself smiling as I allowed my fingers to drift gently across its worn denim material. I did something I had never done before, I coyly whispered to the jeans now draped across a chair, " Hey, thank you for making my ass and hips look amazing today!?

Today, we're diving into the fashion phenomenon that has captured the hearts (and hips) of this Generation Xer, yes I'm talking about skinny?jeans. ?Those snug-fitting?denim?wonders we love so much are not just fashion statements; I have found them to be hidden therapists, chiropractors, and trainers!?So, why on Beyonce's internet would I give up something that quite literally is saving my life? I can hear some of you right now, "She's crazy, skinny jeans do not save lives." Ha! I'm prepared to dismantle your arguments right now.?

Skinny Jeans have knowingly and unknowingly served as a therapist to its wearers. Life can be tough and sometimes you may feel a bit blah, where all you need is a quick boost in self-confidence to get you going.? Slip into a pair of your favorite skinny jeans and feel an instant dopamine rush, just enough to get your energy levels to a place where you're more motivated to tackle the day ahead of you. They hug your curves in all the right places, like a soldier returning from six years of active duty reminding you that you're still fabulous.?

"If you don't jump to put jeans on, then you can't feel my pain" ~ Beyonce + Megan Thee Stallion, Savage

Let us not forget how skinny jeans can serve as a counterbalance to the increasingly loud steady march of Father Time. Along with wisdom and experience, sometimes comes a few aches and pains. But fear not!?Skinny?jeans?have our back, quite literally. Their form-fitting design gently reminds us to maintain good posture. Serving as a?stylish chiropractor the high-waisted style encourages us to stand tall and reminds us they are also our fashionable orthopedic ally!?

Skinny Jeans also knows how to hold it all together with what I call a built-in SKIMS effect. I recognize that the shapewear lane is performing the Lord's good work as well resulting in a mammoth billion-dollar industry. However, my skinny jeans have been winning the ferocious battle waged against muffin tops since the days when Kim Kardashian was Paris Hilton's plus-one. My skinny jeans have had my muffin top in a total chokehold since The Game and 50 Cent, Hate or Love It song was on heavy rotation.

The skinny jean has been changing shapes, sizes, and emotional states for years! They are the OG masters of the muffin mirage. No offense, but North West's mom can't convince me otherwise with her gorgeous and highly successful shapewear empire. Skinny jeans create a magical illusion that tricks the eye into believing muffin tops are a mere figment of the imagination. It's like a Jedi mind trick for the midsection. So, while I may indulge in an extra slice of cake, these?jeans?provide a handy camouflage that keeps our secret safe.?

Remember, fashion trends may come and go, but how many of those trends actually save lives like skinny jeans? ?Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a pair of?skinny?jeans?waiting for me in my closet. Stay ever so stylish and continue to live blissfully in your life-saving skinny jeans my friends!

Authors Note: This piece was intentionally written in a humorous tone. The content of this article should not be taken literally. If you have any medical issues, please seek out a medical professional for advice.