The Real Reason Why Your Mentorship Relationship Is a Waste of Time

Mentorship is quite a unique word. Indeed, it is probably the most common word in the startup space.

Whilst in Rwanda, I encountered a rather amusing quote from a brilliant founder and podcaster. He had it written boldly on his t-shirt, and I found it utterly fascinating. It read:

Over-mentored and under-funded.

It was quite interesting and genuinely funny at the time but, as I continued pondering mentorship for this article, I realised just how significant that quote is and what it truly represents.

This article does not attempt to define what mentorship is and what it is not. But rather explore its most ignored aspects and why you may not be getting the desired results from your mentorship relationship.

First, let's establish a crucial distinction: a mentor is not a coach. Whilst coaches focus on specific outcomes and accountability within a structured timeframe, mentors provide strategic guidance and wisdom drawn from their experience. They're not responsible for your task delivery; rather, they offer something potentially more valuable: long-term perspective and industry insights that can shape your career trajectory. Before continuing it was important to establish a clear difference between a coach and a mentor. The reason for this is that most people and even institutions mix these two up without noticing the risks involved.

Here's what most articles won't tell you: the most successful mentorship relationships aren't merely about wisdom transfer—they're about access. The mentor who can open doors to opportunities, introduce you to their network or provide insider industry knowledge is worth their weight in gold. This leads us to an uncomfortable truth: many entrepreneurs chase mentors for their knowledge n(sometimes clout alone) whilst ignoring the mentor's capacity to provide these additional benefits.

The Laura Miele Story

Let me share a compelling example that perfectly illustrates effective mentorship in action. I met Laura Miele, founder of Business Boxxed (Business Boxxed kickstarts your entrepreneurship journey with all the needed tools you will need), during a NIYO Bootcamp. Whilst I was allocated to support other entrepreneurs, Laura's approach to mentorship immediately caught my attention. Her story serves as a masterclass in how to maximise a mentorship relationship.

What set Laura apart was her crystal-clear vision of what she wanted to gain from our relationship. She didn't just come to our sessions; she arrived meticulously prepared with specific questions and well-defined objectives. Most remarkably, Laura demonstrated an immediate desire to add value to my journey as well. Unlike many mentees who approach mentorship as a one-way street, she actively sought opportunities to contribute meaningfully to my goals and initiatives.

This reciprocal approach transformed our relationship over time. Her genuine interest in creating mutual value made me increasingly comfortable opening up my network to her, demonstrating how the right approach to mentorship can unlock doors that might otherwise remain closed.

Let us now break down how effective mentorship works:

Setting the Right Mental Framework

Mentorship starts in the mind—not with the first meeting.

Before you even approach a potential mentor, you need to:

1. Define Your Access Needs: Beyond advice, what specific industry connections, opportunities or insights do you require?
2. Understand Their Limitations: Your mentor might be brilliant in strategy but less versed in operations. Accepting these limitations prevents frustration.
3. Map Out Value Exchange: What can you offer in return? Perhaps it's market insights from a younger demographic or technical knowledge they lack.
4. Prepare Thoroughly: Following Laura's example, come to each session with clear objectives and thoughtful questions.

The Value Proposition Challenge

Here's where most mentorship relationships falter: entrepreneurs don't think about what they bring to the table. Your mentor isn't your free consultant; they're investing time and social capital in you. Consider:

• Can you provide unique market insights?
• Do you possess skills that complement their weaknesses?
• Could you assist with their digital presence or technical challenges?
• Are you connected to networks they want to access?
• Might you offer fresh perspectives on emerging trends?

Beyond the Coffee Chat (virtual or physical)

If you're feeling "over-mentored and under-everything else", you're likely stuck in the coffee chat loop. Effective mentorship requires:

1. Clear Objectives: Document what success looks like for both parties.
2. Structured Interactions: Have scheduled check-ins with specific agendas.
3. Actionable Outcomes: Each session should conclude with clear next steps.
4. Value Creation: Source opportunities to contribute to your mentor's goals.
5. Follow-through: Demonstrate reliability by acting on agreed actions.

The Opportunity Access Framework

Create a framework for your mentorship relationship that focuses on opportunity access:

• Network Mapping: Understanding your mentor's network and how it aligns with your needs
• Skill Exchange: Identifying complementary skills and knowledge
• Opportunity Alignment: Finding projects where you can work together
• Value Creation Timeline: Setting milestones for mutual benefit
• Regular Review: Assessing the relationship's progress and adjusting as needed

Establishing Expectations

Open communication about expectations is crucial. This means discussing:

• Meeting frequency and format
• Communication channels and response times
• Confidentiality Boundaries
• Progress measurement metrics
• Term of the mentorship relationship
• Exit criteria or graduation points
• Boundaries and limitations

The Path Forward

Rather than collecting mentors like Pokémon cards, focus on building fewer, deeper relationships. Quality always trumps quantity in mentorship. Remember:

1. Be Selective: Choose mentors based on aligned interests and complementary resources.
2. Be Valuable: Always look for ways to add value to your mentor's journey.
3. Be Patient: Real mentorship benefits often emerge over months or years.
4. Be Honest: If the relationship isn't working, dare to discuss it.
5. Be Prepared: Follow Laura's example of coming to each session ready to engage meaningfully.

The real reason your mentorship relationship might be failing isn't a lack of chemistry or poor advice—it's likely because you haven't structured it for mutual success. By focusing on value exchange, clear expectations and opportunity access, you can transform your mentorship from a series of coffee chats into a powerful career catalyst.

Remember, the goal isn't to be over-mentored but to be strategically mentored in a way that drives real results for both parties. Start thinking of mentorship not as a one-way street of advice but as a two-way highway of opportunity creation. As Laura's story demonstrates, when you approach mentorship with preparation, purpose and a genuine desire to create mutual value, the relationship can evolve into something truly transformative.

Plug:

We launched our consulting and through it, we provide mentorship to entrepreneurs and executives.

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