Will the real me please stand up?

Whether we’re aware of it or not, we’re for the most part guided by the direction of the stream we swim in. Our value system, right and wrong, what’s considered socially acceptable in speech, dress, and action, are all things that we simply accept as absolutes in our reality. 

In the Torah portion discussing the first of Avraham’s ten tests, Hashem tells Avraham, “Lech lecha,” which we commonalty interpret as, “Go for yourself (for your benefit),” meaning that Hashem won’t stray him in the wrong to leave his homeland to an unknown destination, instructing him to have faith that whatever plan is laid out for him will only be for his ultimate good. The literal translation of these words is “Go to yourself,” which, based on the teachings of the Kedushas Levi, means Hashem is telling our patriarch that he must go find himself. 

How does he do that? The Torah gives clear instructions as to what Avraham must “leave” in order to find himself. In the continuation of the sentence, it says “m’arzecha, u’mimoladescha u’mibeis avicha — leave your land, your birthplace, and your father’s home.” The Nesivos Shalom explains that in order for one to find himself, he must learn to leave the beliefs and values that were instilled in him by his country, his community, and his family. 

Leave your country. How much of who you are has been guided by the social conditioning you were raised with? If you were raised in North America, there’s a certain standard of living that’s considered “normal.” If you were raised in Somalia and lived off of 2 dollars a day, you might perceive wealth and luxurious living a little differently. What about the language you speak — English, Hebrew, Yiddish, French, etc.? There have been numerous studies showing how the language we speak, the formation of the sentence structure and usage of descriptive words, can impact our thought patterns and how we perceive things. 

What about your community? We understand so much of what is right and wrong, what is considered “normal” based on how the people around us dress, talk, act, and interact with each other. If you grew up in a traditional Jewish community, your values would be very different than had you grown up in a secular environment. Even within the religious world, whether you were raised Sephardi, Azhkenazi,, modern, chassidish, litvish, etc., is going to play into what creates your belief system. 

How about homelife? The number of siblings you have and what number child you are can have an impact. Were your parents patient and understanding, or short-tempered? How present were each one of them in your life, and what morals and values did they instill in you, both positive and negative? What kind of structure, or lack thereof, did you grow up with in your home? There are endless questions to ask that will help us understand how your family life molded you into the person you are. 

If I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you. 

If I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am I and you are you 

– Rav Menachem Mendel of Kotzk 

*Excerpt from day 5 of Breakthrough - The40-day challenge. For more info or to register please email [email protected] or call 972-58-725-0662.