REAL INTERVIEW FEEDBACK: Pivoting from Rejection to Goodwill between Job-Seekers and Employers

"You never know what someone else is going through." It's a statement we've heard a thousand times, and at the heart of it lies an important message of empathy. Sadly, it's one of the first casualties during times of overwhelming stress, anxiety and uncertainty. However, for those of us acting as metaphorical gatekeepers to one of society's currently-most-coveted objectives (gainful employment), it's a chance to show compassion and humanity, benefiting the long-term connection between candidate and employer.

Disease, isolation, school closures, social and racial injustice, political division, and record unemployment have crippled the American psyche. It has left many in a defensive posture, focused almost entirely inward: How can I make sure to protect what's mine? What about my needs? How do I get what I want? The virulent (pun intended) effect of this thinking is that it necessarily closes off our perception of what others are experiencing. With millions of Americans hitting the ApplyNow button, and hiring managers scrambling to do (or just to keep) their job, many are left feeling unappreciated, misunderstood, or just flat-out disrespected.

Below is a common scenario that happens every single day in the interviewing business, along with some simple suggestions for creating empathetic connections between recruiters and candidates. I've been on both sides of this scenario, so my former boss might call this an "experience share" as opposed to me giving unsolicited advice (who, me?). In recognizing these myopic tendencies, both sides can show understanding to the other and prevent hasty actions of circumstance from sabotaging potentially long-term, meaningful connections.

Scenario: Giving and Asking-for REAL Interview Feedback

Everyone that has ever NOT gotten a job has received that annoying email, the one chock-full of ostensibly-polite platitudes: "I'm sorry, but we're going a different direction," or "Unfortunately, we won't be moving you forward in the process." Screw them, after all the time I put into this?!? What am I gonna do now? I wouldn't wanna work for a company like that anyway! It escalates quickly. Templates lack the compassion and empathy for the candidate situation. The great majority of people don't like rejection or confrontation. Candidates feel disrespected, angry, and in some instances have just come to expect it. They move on. The connection stops there. Employers often don't provide candid feedback from interviews either because they feel bad delivering it or simply want to avoid being pulled into an argument/debate. So, what can be done? Over the years I've found some solutions that are pretty straight-forward, but very effective.

• For Candidates: Ask for what you want. It's not always easy. You feel annoyed, rejected, and inconvenienced by the brush-off template, and you should. But remember, don't bring all of your emotional baggage to this one interaction. Often the person you're interacting with is having to deliver this message dozens of times each week and likely aren't the ones making the decision. Instead, focus on gathering productive information: what will help me ensure that I put my best foot forward next interview? What value can I still obtain from the time and energy I expended interviewing with this company? While I will never advocate for changing your interview approach to anything other than authentic, prepared, and engaged, it is valuable to know how others are hearing and perceiving you. Don't be afraid to dig a bit: be honest and be tactful (you get more flies with honey). I respect your decision but am pretty frustrated that, after meeting with so many people, the only feedback is that I'm "not a fit." It would be super helpful and much appreciated if you could detail some of the areas where I lacked the experience needed or the ideal communication style. This will really help me understand where the disconnect was and help for future interviews. More often than not, if the employer believes they aren't entering into an argument, they'll be much more inclined to be up-front with you. There's also a much greater chance that you can maintain contact and a relationship with that organization - if desired. You can be assertive, ask for feedback, enhance your market-awareness, and there's a solid chance you've now made a connection that could be meaningful down the road as well. I mention this last part because I've seen it hundreds of times - no joke.
• For Employers: Always remember what it felt like when you were last interviewing. Yes, you're busy. Companies are experiencing record numbers of applicants, especially with unemployment stipends running-out. But being busy is a pretty lame excuse for not being real with people. Who isn't busy? Each time you let out that sigh and pull up an email template, just remember the person receiving it has a whole world on their shoulders too. They're probably living in this same upside-down existence we all are right now, and they may be doing so without the benefit of having a job. So, embrace the discomfort and be brave! While we don't have the staff-power to call every single candidate who doesn't move forward (which would be ideal), we do send a personal email to them that specifically calls to attention the reasoning behind our decision. Giving candid feedback isn't always fun or comfortable but we feel you deserve it given the time and energy you spent on the process. Start there. Yes, it takes about 30-60 seconds more to send these emails, get over it. It demonstrates recognition and appreciation for the effort and emotional equity this person had to spend to interview and put themselves out there. If you aren't comfortable calling out negative qualities that were perceived by your team, share some of the positive dynamics that are critical to the position. Convey to the candidate that the hiring manager felt those weren't areas of strength that came across. You can be real without being rude. We hope you can appreciate our reasoning, even if you ultimately don't agree with our decision. Let them know, that you know, that...yeah, it kinda sucks. Interviewing isn't a science. It's about perception, communication, and connection. It's not fool-proof and mistakes can happen on both sides. Using this type of language will help humanize the process, show empathy and respect, and give you a better chance at maintaining connections long-term.

So, while this article probably lacks any ground-breaking strategy or theory (unlike the "How to Ace your Next Interview" google search, I'm sure), it hopefully is a well-received reminder. We're all people who are persevering through intense and sometimes overwhelming circumstances, working hard to find our next adventure or simply perform well in our current one. Taking the time to be direct and respectful can go a long way for turning rejection, annoyance, or anger into understanding and connection, creating significant long-term benefits for all.