Real Control

One of the fascinating components of a prosecutor’s job is the tension between the idea that we are entrusted by our communities with authority to mold the lives of others, contrasted with operating in a system where the ultimate outcome in our cases is decided by juries and judges.? This dichotomy can be a recipe for frustration when it feels like our drive to impact the world around us falls short.? Similarly, most prosecutors are used to experiencing a job where our enormous amount of discretion stands in sharp contrast with the reality that most of our cases are handed to us by someone else and our daily lives are shaped by the decisions of others.? Add into this mix that anyone who operates in the criminal justice system is exposed daily to the most chaotic side of humanity and it is a recipe for feeling like life is out of control.? How amidst all of that do we find the capacity to assert real control?

Voltaire once wrote, “The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood.”? At first glance that statement can come across as both trite and dismissive of the complex emotional state of most people.? But let me give you two concrete examples of where I’ve seen this concept have enormous power.? Even though I love public speaking, I’m profoundly introverted.? Social gatherings can cause me anxiety and panic.? So, my natural reaction when I’m asked to go out is to say no.? Now I realize that response is inconsistent with living life to its fullest and can inhibit growth and experiences.? Many months ago, when I was about to leave for an obligatory social event and was feeling a degree of dread, I asked myself, “what is one positive thing that can come out of this party?”? I started doing that every time I had a social engagement and found myself sometimes answering that I could get to know a friend better, I could experience something new, or I could help someone make an event successful that was important to them.? That minor change in thinking was transformative.? Instead of looking for something to hate about an experience, I was looking for something to love.? And let’s be honest, what we look for in life we tend to find.? It’s not like suddenly I became an extrovert.? But I found an ability to exert control over anxiety by deciding what kind of value I was going to extract out of the moment.

I’ve seen the same principle in my work as a litigator.? I was teaching this week at a program called Prosecutor Bootcamp, which is a week-long training for new prosecutors.? At the beginning of the class, the faculty was asked to tell the students one lesson that we had wished we learned at the beginning of our careers.? The one I selected was, “how to lose the right way.”? What I mean by this is that we spend much of our professional development as litigators understandably focused on how to win.? We strive to write better closing arguments, develop piercing cross-examinations, and learn how to select the best juries possible.? But the “win,” if understood as the verdict, is still out of our control.? The more important thing to me is what we do with our losses, because we learn far more from our defeats in life than we do from our victories.? Several years ago, I adopted a practice with each jury trial.? As I prepared the case, I forced myself to identify one thing that I could gain from the experience regardless of the outcome.? Sometimes it is further developing a litigation skill.? Other times it was trying a new technology or presentation style.? But in making that decision walking into the trial, whatever was handed to me at the end by the jury, I still felt like it was a win.? If I could walk away from any given case not only knowing that I gave it all my effort, but I grew in the process, the verdict became of secondary importance.

That too is a way to assert real control amidst chaos.? I can’t determine the choices of others, but I can decide to extract value out of any situation.? It’s worth reflecting on how that simple lesson can impact so much of our life.? If we are assigned a case or docket for which we have zero personal interest or passion, we still have a choice.? On the one hand, we can indulge our dread of the experience.? But it doesn’t change the reality that the case is still ours, it just means we are likely not to give it our full effort and to hate every moment along the way.? On the other hand, if we can make proverbial lemonade from lemons and decide in advance what we are going to gain from the experience, instead of just having something handed to us we have asserted real control over the situation.? We have decided what it is going to mean to us.

Psychologists have frequently noted the connection between self-esteem and a sense of control.? There is an established connection between feeling an ability to impact our life and how we view ourselves.? But faced with a world where the reality that what others do is beyond our control, what we remain in charge of are our decisions and attitude.

May this week find you extracting value from every circumstance and situation – good and bad.? Thank you for what you do.? You make a difference.? Have a wonderful week my friends.

David A. Lord

Deputy Commonwealth's Attorney

City of Alexandria