A Real [authentic] Man

Friday, October 12th was a fantastic day! I had just left a presentation on which I was an "expert panelist" for a law firm, and was feeling damn good about myself.

I decided to meet my wife for a drink and a bite to eat, and we wound up sitting next to a couple celebrating their 28th wedding anniversary.  We had a wonderful conversation and will likely see them again soon.  

Then, just as we left the restaurant, I opened my Facebook.  The post at the top of my feed was a “memorial" – an R.I.P. post. 

Next to it, I saw a picture of a person I had not seen in 18 years.  He and I shared several classes at Valley Forge Military Academy, and were friends back then.  My heart sank.

To folks who went to public school, this might not make sense…”why would you be so moved by the death of someone you had not seen in almost two decades?” 

The bond forged by our shared experiences at military school, coupled with the small size of our graduating class (120 cadets), caused us to know more about our casual classmates than most public school kids knew about their best friends.

Intent on reading the news stories and understanding how his life could be over already; he was only in his mid-30’s.  I dug in and read several articles.  The story was horrific.

The day before (Thursday), he had agreed to help a female friend who wanted to get out of a dangerous living situation, and in the course of helping her move out he was confronted by, and then murdered by, the individual she was trying to escape.  

That man then turned the gun on himself; a tragic murder-suicide. 

Now my friends two parents were left without a son. His teenage daughter was left without a father. Moreover, the world was left with one less “real man”.

At Valley Forge, we learned that a real man is one who exudes strength of character. A real man is willing to do the right thing, even when nobody would know it; and even when nobody was watching. My friend was a real man.

And so the reason I’m writing about this is twofold.

1. It’s somewhat Cathartic for me.
2. It lays the foundation for why I’m thinking about Authenticity.

I strive to keep a positive attitude. To bring happiness into the lives of those with whom I interact. And because of the pressure I feel to deliver, I broke my own rule. I didn’t own my emotions, I let them own me…I tried to “fake it” and act like I was okay. 

And so I want to share the lesson I (re)learned with you: You can’t avoid life when something bad happens. As the old David Lee Roth song says, “…life goes on without [you]…” so you better jump in and participate.

But that doesn’t mean you have to pretend something bad didn’t happen. 

Quite the contrary.

Authenticity demands you own that emotion. Own that experience.  Own that vulnerability. Use it…it is a part of you. (just be sure you’re using the emotion, not letting the emotion control you.)

Being vulnerable is a component of authenticity.  

Therefore, my message is this: “Be Vulnerable; Be Authentic”

Open yourself up and be authentic with your colleagues, friends, family and clients.

When you convert your emotion into positive energy, when you harness your vulnerability and turn it into a fuel that propels you forward, I guarantee you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the result.