Ready to Storm Out and Quit Your Job? - Let's Think First...

There is not many people out there who had never felt like quitting their job because they were very upset about a situation. We want to quit for a variety of reasons - an unfair boss, unreasonable co-workers, unbearable situations or work environment. And we get angry and resentful, and fed up. Usually, we get angry in one of two ways - aggressively exploding or quietly imploding. As Jack Nicholson's character in the Anger Management movie describes, "There are two types of angry people - an angry customer who yells at a cashier for not taking their coupon, and the cashier, who is quiet day after day, and one day he just shoots everyone!". Now, these are extreme situations, but many people do come close to these polar expressions of severe resentment. 

As humans, we have every right to feel a full range emotion, including negative. It is about how catastrophically we describe (or think) to ourselves about what has happened that turn things for worse. 

As many of you know, our life is a cycle consisting of SITUATIONS converting to our THOUGHTS, generating FEELINGS, and leading to BEHAVIORS. Would an extremely negative though lead to a healthy behaviour? I doubt it.   

Let's review an example. Say, your boss unfairly loads you with work beyond your normal duties, just because you cope well with your tasks. Ironic, isn't it? At the same time, your teammates under-perform and do not break a sweat. 

Following the above SITUATION, in an unhealthy manner, we will THINK catastrophically about it, which includes certain expectations of ourselves and others, like "I mustn't tolerate it any more ...., She should have known better ..., She is an idiot, How awful!, This is it! I am not respected here, My boss hates me"). As Albert Ellis, Ph.D. states in his works, naturally, such thoughts generate FEELINGS of depression, anger, resentment and giving up. No wonder, it feels only logical to BEHAVE in a manner that leaves all the bridges burnt. What Dr. Ellis recommends is rewiring your thoughts, so you have more positive feelings that would lead to a more assertive and calm life. Ultimately, we all want a peace of mind, don't we?

To return to the same example of being overloaded by your boss, we could still feel some negative emotion, but at the same time, stay calm and professional. 

When for a hundredth time, my boss gives me another task, I may still FEEL frustrated and annoyed, but think differently (more objectively) to myself, "This is getting too much. I have no time to complete my own tasks. I am not sure if my boss is aware how unfairly she treats me, but it doesn't mean she is an idiot. I'd better speak to her and explain my workload and ask for the amount of tasks that is reasonable to me. I will tell her that I like my job and want to stay with the company, but I want a more fair workload." Here, we recommend to process the situation in a healthier manner without ruining our health. We are giving the boss the benefit of the doubt and express our own needs in an assertive and calm manner. If the conversation with the boss turns positive for you, great! If she becomes defensive or argumentative without offering you a better solution, you will then make a decision if there is any benefit for you to stay or leave the organization. But at least you expressed your needs and feelings, and did not ruin your health. If you decide to leave, definitely ask your boss for a GREAT reference!

Following the above-described healthy train of thought, one can expect a better feeling of themselves and a stronger self-esteem. With such confidence, one's behaviour is professional, dignified and calm. 

Talking about what annoys you is very important to your own well-being and that of others. As a stand-up comedian Ali Wong shared about her neighbourhood when growing up in California, there was confrontation between Mexicans and Koreans - loud music from one side and frowning from the other :-) This is passive aggressive behaviour with an ethnic flavour! As humans, we have a lot of trouble communicating with each other, plus cultural differences pile up on top - but that is a story for another article.  

If you need to discuss your work situation in detail, do sign up for a consultation with me at [email protected]