Ready for the Next Crisis? Here are 7 Habits of Highly Anti-fragile People (and leaders)

When the #Covid19 #pandemic started unfolding here in Italy, I couldn’t help but notice this strange feeling of Déjà vu creeping over me.

I was seeing the exact same patterns of behavior that I have witnessed 9 years ago when the war broke out in my home country, Libya. And that gave me chills.

First the denial, the underestimation. Then the shock of realization. The anger at the different types of loss, the sadness and confusion fueled by misinformation and ambiguity. Then, human creativity showing up in the darkest moments to bargain new ways of survival. The solidarity. And most beautifully, seeing people suddenly getting more attuned to human connection and empathy with so much desire to give and contribute.

I saw it all 9 years ago, and I was now seeing the same patterns unfold all over again, different country, different crisis, same sequence.

At the time of the Libyan war, I was working for #EY. Today, I work for #Microsoft. Two great companies that gave me the privilege of working with brilliant minds, colleagues and clients, and of witnessing leadership at its best, especially at times of emergency. As an observer by nature and a lover of social psychology, I pay close attention to how leaders in the companies I work for act and interact in such tricky situations and I learn a great deal from that. So in this article I draw a lot on these learning.

While I surely realize that war and a pandemic are two different types of disasters, and I surely hope my beloved Italy never sees the horrors my beloved Libya ended up seeing, connecting the dots was inevitable. Crises and black swan events bring uncertain times, shake the foundations of our beliefs, disrupt our “normal” lives, and force us to realize what and who we took for granted. They are inevitable, and they come in all shapes and forms: wars, pandemics, natural disasters, social unrest, loss of a loved one, or a job, severe or terminal illness...

I believe it is essential to skill ourselves against adversity, so we are better equipped handle it with effectiveness and grace. To become antifragile, we need to build-in habits and awareness in our “normal” lives, so that when emergencies show up, we are not hit like deer in headlights, and instead, be ready, and come out the other side of the tunnel glorious, more mature, and hopefully, 10X stronger. 

This article started as a list of pointers that I made for myself, to learn from my past experiences so that I become better equipped to face emergencies. Then I figured someone out there may find this helpful and decided to share it here on LinkedIn.   

An invitation to take control

I would not advise anyone to be constantly thinking of, and planning for disasters, of course. This is only a simple invitation to think of the things we can do in the good times to prepare ourselves for the bad ones. Or as @Sebastiano Zanolli puts it in his book “Alternative”, we should: “aspire for the best, prepare for the worst, and always have a plan B” .

While we certainly cannot control everything that happens to us, we do have control over how prepared we are. If you have read the “Seven Habits of Highly Successful People” for Stephen Covey, then you are familiar with the concept of the circle of “control/Influence” in contrast with the “circle of concern”. Here is a little diagram that sums up that idea:

So, here we go:

7 Habits to become an Anti-fragile Person and Leader

HABIT#1- ACTIVELY LEARN ABOUT GRIEF -

Grief is the natural human response to loss of something dear to us. It can be a person, a relationship, a goal, a country, an opportunity, an identity, or an image we have of our own selves. The more you are familiar with the stages of grief the faster and smoother you go through them, and the more able you are to help your team or those around you navigate them. Here is how the grief process looks like:

Anti-fragility does not mean ignoring the grief process or skipping it all together, on the contrary, anti-fragile people understand the five stages so well (whether they are aware of this skill they possess or not). Emotional Intelligence after all is recognizing emotions as they come and dealing with them, not pushing them to the back and marching forward. Aside from learning about the 5 stages and the different ways they can manifest, make a point of reading and learning about world tragedies and accounts of personal adversity, read memoirs of survivors, understand that mental state, and reflect on what would you do if you or someone you love were in that position.

HABIT#2- TRAIN YOUR CAPACITY FOR EMPATHY -

I think we will all agree that empathy is an essential asset in any leader’s mental toolkit. But why is it so important to anti-fragility? It saves you a lot of disappointment and resistance when others act in ways that just seem irrational to you -something that frequently happens in a crisis situation- think of government measures that you disagree with, or the panic buyers you will see in grocery stores during an emergency state. Empathy turns that disappointment and resistance into acceptance, and acceptance does not mean agreement, it is just the realization that people see life from the different lenses of their past experiences, conditioning, cultures, upbringing, and current circumstances.

If someone acts in a way that you disagree with, do not quickly resolve to judgment and condemnation, run a quick check on your own biases and try to find a reason for every act you do not understand from others. It is not enough to just think of yourself as an empathetic person, make it a daily practice to put yourself in the shoes of others.

HABIT#3- MAKE PEACE WITH RANDOMNESS AND INCREASE YOUR ADAPTABILITY

The key differentiator I have seen in the most anti-fragile leaders is that they are friends with randomness. Not in the sense that they are chaotic or disorganized, but in the sense that they accept that life is unpredictable. They do their best to predict and plan, but when randomness and accidents decide to show up, they do not resist, they let go of the initial shock quickly, accept, keep their focus, adapt, and move on.

Stop resisting randomness. If you catch yourself freaking out because something pops up last minute in your schedule, take a moment to acknowledge that reaction and correct it.

To get comfortable with randomness and increase your adaptability, you need to limit your points of dependence never accept to have a single point of failure in your life or team. Your single point of failure can be a person, a job, a habit, a skill, or a certain fear that may severely limit you.

Here are three things to help you do that:

• Do not over- optimize, build-in some redundancy and buffers at different levels in your life. If your lifestyle or team’s working habits are overly optimized based on prediction or patterns, with no margin for error, your system is at risk of crashing at the first unplanned event. I have been conditioned to not like redundant things as they always felt like a waste when everything is going well. But we all know that if something can go wrong, it probably will (Murphy's law). Today, I understand that claiming redundant things and practices are a waste, is like telling someone that having two kidneys is a waste, and that they should optimize their resources by selling one of their kidneys off to scale their startup! Hey, optimization, right?
• Never be a slave of a habit. If you live in Italy, you must have heard of those people who could not let go of their daily run outside during the pandemic and kept breaking the lock-down rules because they just could not. If you notice you cannot live without a certain habit, go out of your way, to skip it a few days a month, just to prove to yourself that you can indeed live without it. Train and trust your neuroplasticity, because one day you’ll need it.
• Play with your fears, identify them, and do something that scares you once in a while. If you know a certain thing or feeling scares you, make it a point to try gradually increasing doses of it, even if only in the form of a mental or visual exercise . Better do it yourself on your own terms than do nothing and always be in the risk of one day facing your biggest fear unprepared.
• Expand your options – for example, learn a skill irrelevant to your current career, or learn the language of your second choice country; in addition to the multitude of benefits of learning languages, knowing that you can integrate quickly in a different country opens heaps of new options to you. 

HABIT#4- BECOME A RE-PRIORITIZATION NINJA -

How skilled are you in reshuffling your priorities? Are you one of those highly committed people who make to-do lists and then become slaves to them? Have you ever caught yourself following through with a task just because you had committed? I know I have been guilty of that myself, until I realized that to-do lists and goals are only good if you use them as guidance and not as a life-sentences. In a crisis, everything around us suddenly changes and so should our priorities. Sounds obvious, but it is not always easy to accomplish.

Shift your perspective on “quitting” as a sign of weakness, of giving up, or of lack of commitment. quitting is, in many cases, the most intelligent thing to do, and it shows clarity on values and personal agility.  (best tiny book I have ever read on quitting: (The dip, by Seth Godin) )

Train yourself in the good times to become a prioritization ninja, so when the bad times hit, you can use your powers to slash off tasks, reshape goals, and reshuffle priorities without flinching.

You can do that by first having crystal clarity on your deep values and purpose, and then shifting your perspective on goals as just ways of manifesting that purpose and practicing those values. Be firm with your values but flexible with your goals. 

As soon as you recognize there is some state of emergency or crisis, assess and re-prioritize on an ongoing basis. Never fixate on a goal for its own sake as that will make you fragile.

The Eisenhower Decision Matrix is a great way to sharpen your prioritization ability before, during, and after a crisis. I keep this as a mental image in my head and always question what tasks make it to the green and blue boxes.

HABIT#5- PRACTICE GRATITUDE, EVERYDAY -

Incorporating a gratitude practice into one’s life is a great idea for many reasons. But how does that contribute to you becoming more anti-fragile? Well, simply put, it prevents you from ever taking your blessings for granted and spares you a good chunk of one of the worst feelings on earth: regret after loss.

This can take the form of you embedding 3 minutes of gratitude in your daily routine, where you remind yourself of things you are grateful for or simply writing a thank you message to a person you appreciate in your life. As a leader at work, showing gratitude and appreciation to your team goes a long away. If interested, here is a good article about the topic The Business Impact Of Gratitude

Regularly practicing gratitude ensures that when, for one unfortunate reason or another, you lose one of the blessings in your life (e.g. person, your health, job) you will know for sure that you have given it the appreciation it deserved while it lasted, through your gratitude practice.

Pro tip from Libyan civil war: never ever take running water, electricity, or internet for granted, even if you live in a modern city with good infrastructure.

HABIT#6- MASTER “WHAT-IF” PLANNING -

This is more of a common practice in the business world; disaster recovery plans, succession planning for leadership roles, etc. but what about our personal lives? Do you ever stop and think “what would happen if …..”, and make an action plan for that scenario? I know many of us do not do that as often as we should , which then leaves us in panic mode when things take an unplanned turn.

Here are some examples to consider:

• If you were asked to evacuate your home immediately (natural disaster), what are the top three items you’d want to save? Are your essential documents and certificates backed up? To the cloud?
•  If you or your spouse get into an accident (sorry for that mental image), who could take care of the kids and how? Does that person know that they are your designated person? do they have everything they need to manage the kids’ life for a while? for example I recommend documenting your kids’ care routine and instructions in a video that can be easily shared with a babysitter or a relative in the case of an emergency.
• If you are told that your department at work needs to get dismantled by next month due to a re-organization, how would you re-position yourself and your team for other roles?

Hopefully, reflecting on some of these questions will get you thinking about things to do today to prepare for the unknown. Make sure most of the essential processes in your life are easily delegable, your documents organized and backed up, key people informed and authorized to take care of things.

HABIT#7- ZOOM OUT & SAIL FORWARD -

The ability to zoom out of a situation and consider the bigger picture is a skill that does not come easily to everyone. Anti-fragile Leaders have this ability to switch to a bird's-eye view.

Develop a habit of always finding the bright side of every situation, hear a story from different sources, look for the opportunity in every challenge, and ask yourself how would I like this story to be told 20 years from now?

When collective adversity hits, take care of yourself first, find your feet, and then zoom out, find those who need help the most, and act.

Consider that every crises or disaster throughout history has produced political legends, business tycoons, and national heroes. Anti-fragile leaders shine in ambiguity and uncertainty, because they can see the bigger picture and transmit that vision to those around them. Think of how you can use the wind to your advantage to sail forward instead of resisting and risking to break your veils.

If you have read this far, thank you for your time, and I hope this has been a helpful and enjoyable read for you.

Do you have other tips or habits that you think can help others become more anti-fragile? Please don’t keep them to yourself, share them in the comment section below.

4 life-changing books on the topic I think everyone should read:

1. Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb:

This is THE classic in the topic, and to my knowledge it was the reason the word “antifragile” became so popular in the modern business and management fields. Some of you may have read Nassim’s other book “Black Swan” which is another gem for those who find themselves navigating uncharted grounds

2. Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, by: by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

If you are a women in the tech/corporate word , then you have probably read Sheryl Sandberg’s (Facebook COO) other book, “Lean In” , and you probably remember how she mentioned her late husband, Dave, several times in the book as a great support for her career. Well, when Dave later suddenly died in 2015, Sheryl’s life could have spiraled downwards, but instead, she took in that experience and partnered with Adam Grant (author of “Originals”), to produce this insightful book about facing adversity. I really recommend it.

3. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, by Pema Ch?dr?n

Coming more from a Buddhist perspective on life, this book is a collection of talks given by Pema where she underlines in simple words, basic ways we can deal with pain, ego, and loss. If you are up for it, I invite to watch this delightful conversation between Pema and Oprah Winfrey here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8_ZKUQFFMg

4. Alternative. Aspira al meglio, preparati al peggio e tieni sempre pronto un piano B, by Sebastiano Zanolli

This one is in Italian, I have only read the abstract so far and cannot wait to get my hands on the book itself. Sebastiano, with his attractive and inviting style, sheds the light on why you NEED to have a plan B, and the elements you need to keep in mind when constructing one. One concept I particularly had to stop and reflect at, was that “Failure is a luxury for the few”. In a world where we constantly hear the “fail fast, fail forward” teaching, it helps to remember that failure is an art, and if you don’t plan for it adequately and do it in the right conditions you are basically just playing Russian roulette.

Have you read any of these books? I would love to have your thought on them.