Ready to listen and to be heard?

Good listeners are considered the greatest conversationalists. Are you? ??[1] ?

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"And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality,

I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk. "

- Dale Carnegie[2] ?

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Effective communication is the exchange of information, ideas or feelings in a manner that is clear, comprehensive, correct and considerate. It involves the participation of both the speaker and the listener, and is vital to building relationships in both personal and professional spheres of your life.

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While the importance of being able to present your knowledge effectively is highlighted time and again, listening is a skill that is often far more challenging, and much less spoken about. Most of the time, the listener in a scenario is only hearing. The difference being, listening is a participatory activity that requires the receiver of information to also understand it. The fact that a typical adult can speak only 100-150 words per minute, but can comprehend 200 words in the same time spa. This can create a gap. It opens the doors to switching from listening to hearing. [3] ?This also means that listening is not something that comes naturally to us all the time. Like other skills and forms of art, listening requires focus, practise, patience, and a sincere desire to communicate with others. It requires all of us to practice Dale Carnegie's Principle #4:

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'Become Genuinely Interested In Other People'

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?Expressing this interest is of utmost importance. It is one of the criteria that helps break down listening into its multiple forms.

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1. Selective listening, where the listener only focuses on key phrases or information they consider important. This form of listening is not ideal as it doesn't allow the listener to engage with the speaker or even fulfill the purpose of the communication in the best possible manner, if required.

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2. Attentive listening, which requires the listener to give their full attention to the speaker and engage in the communication through verbal and nonverbal cues such as eye contact. This not only makes the speaker feel important and automatically inclined to reciprocate in the same manner, but also helps lay the foundation for a relationship between the parties involved.

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3. Proactive listening, in which the party receiving the information is not only attentive but also expressly involved in guiding the conversation by actively contributing to it. In addition to throwing the spotlight on the speaker, this type of listening also gives importance to the conversation and ideas being presented. This, in turn, creates the opportunity to build a lasting connection between the speaker and the listener.

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Dale Carnegie's Principle #9 puts all of these ideas simply, and eloquently:

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'Make The Other Person Feel Important - And Do It Sincerely'

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Dale Carnegie also emphasizes that becoming a better listener is essential to be heard and understood better, especially in challenging situations. His book 'Listen! The Art of Effective Communication' elaborates on this and provides vivid examples, practical exercises and techniques that can be learnt easily. There's only one more thing to be said,

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When you're ready to be heard, start listening.[4] ?